I feel guilt about losing weight thread

[AtLast]

This is a space to talk about having been obese and feeling guilty about our weight loss because we fear that others will view us as sizeists.

Sometimes after taking off pounds that caused us medical issues that are preventable by losing weight can feel like we no longer can speak out against fatist comments made that deeply hurt people that have weight issues. Yet, there is a big difference between obesity and being overweight or "big."

Often, friends that we have turn away from us after we lose weight and think we will become sizeist or judge them negatively. Also, there can be issues around now being able to do many activities that our prior obesity prevented us from doing, consequently driving a wedge between us and others.

[Dominique]

Do I feel guilty because I chose a healthy lifestyle over on going heart disease? NO.

Do I feel guilty because I chose to clean up the way I was going thru my life in order to live? NO.

I'm subject to sizest comments in the most innocent and teasing of ways. I hardly see support being offered to those of us that have gone down this road. As if we are strong, and don't need any.

So I'm not going to carry around any guilt or shame for wanting to live a better life. I am not responsible for anyone who chooses sednetary.

I've accepted people will do it when ever they are ready. Living a sednetary lifestyle is probably the most detrimental way a person can affect their future.

Exercise benefits every major organ in your body. That's pretty sad when weight loss and a healthy life style causes a wedge between me and others. (OP's words)

I'm not sure what it is you are looking for here?

[Ebon]

Originally Posted by AtLast

This is a space to talk about having been obese and feeling guilty about our weight loss because we fear that others will view us as sizeists.

Sometimes after taking off pounds that caused us medical issues that are preventable by losing weight can feel like we no longer can speak out against fatist comments made that deeply hurt people that have weight issues. Yet, there is a big difference between obesity and being overweight or "big."

Often, friends that we have turn away from us after we lose weight and think we will become sizeist or judge them negatively. Also, there can be issues around now being able to do many activities that our prior obesity prevented us from doing, consequently driving a wedge between us and others.

I think that friends that turn away feel bad about themselves. Seeing someone else being successful at what they may be struggling with is probably causing them to feel jealous. I think if someone was obese and they have lost weight then they should be able to speak out against fatist (I cannot believe that this is a word now) because they have actually been in that situation and knows how it feels.

Honestly drop the guilt and feel proud of yourself because you have a reason to be.

[starryeyes]

I totally agree with Ebon. I am sure they are struggling themselves, and feel proud of you, but frustrated because they have not built up the will to do it themselves. Be proud of yourself, and don't let ANYONE take that away from you. You deserve it, and we all support you and your journey 100%!!!

HUGS!!!
Starry

[Elijah]

I would offer this...

Would you feel guilty if you got clean and/or sober?

Would you feel guilty if you quit smoking?

Would you feel guilty if you cut sugar out of your diet?

Or maybe we should feel guilty about eating organic because other people can't afford to?

See the slippery slope here?

I am what most consider fat, but I know for My health and well being I need to lose some of this weight. I don't hate Myself for it, I am just realistic and I try and be gentle with Myself as I stumble and get back up and stumble again. It's just life.

[Medusa]

I can resonate with this on some level.

Im still a fat person and hope my presence here is ok

I'm going through the weight-loss/healthier lifestyle process right now and having some tremendous feelings around how hard I've worked to align myself with feeling positive about my fat body (I do!) and fat politics. It's a surreal experience, needless to say.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Yellow band

Do I feel guilty because I chose a healthy lifestyle over on going heart disease? NO.

Do I feel guilty because I chose to clean up the way I was going thru my life in order to live? NO.

I'm subject to sizest comments in the most innocent and teasing of ways. I hardly see support being offered to those of us that have gone down this road. As if we are strong, and don't need any.

So I'm not going to carry around any guilt or shame for wanting to live a better life. I am not responsible for anyone who chooses sednetary.

I've accepted people will do it when ever they are ready. Living a sednetary lifestyle is probably the most detrimental way a person can affect their future.

Exercise benefits every major organ in your body. That's pretty sad when weight loss and a healthy life style causes a wedge between me and others. (OP's words)

I'm not sure what it is you are looking for here?

Actually, you are addressing part of what I am looking for, but you are past the guilt phase!! Quite a few people that have embraced "fat positive" attitudes in the past but had serious health issues happen that made them realize they had to deal with this- and did- feel guilty about doing do in relation to others in their lives that are in denial about weight and health issues. This is hard because I know I used to have a lot of anger toward anyone that was at a healthy weight or "fit" while I was obese. This happened even though in years prior I was always quite fit.

I remember the stares and disdain. I remember this as much as being a masculine looking woman. And it hurt. But 8i always knew that I had to deal with the weight and figure out what it was really all about. Finally, I did, but it did take some scares. Then, I felt guilty around my heavy friends. In fact, I didn't want to discuss weight issues with them at all. And I still can get uncomfortable (see the looks) when I say anything about lower blood pressure, glucose or less joint pain around obese friends or relatives. They don't want to hear this from me. And the fact is, I have to be aware of my eating compulsions every single day to stay on track even 8 years later. So, unless I go to an OA meeting, these discussions are off limits. Although, a couple of people did ask me about why I found OA to be what worked and they have come to some meetings. One is also in the program now for a few years, and when we visit one another we go to meetings together in each other's towns.

That help?

[Dominique]

Thank you.

On my journey to get healthy, just like a drug addict or an alcoholic. I had to stop going to fried food fests with my unhealthy friends. I found my circle of friends slowly changed. No one was supporting me getting healthy in that old circle, even though they knew, that life style almost killed me.

It was up to me to make the changes. I went on without them. I had to.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by AtLast

This is a space to talk about having been obese and feeling guilty about our weight loss because we fear that others will view us as sizeists.

Sometimes after taking off pounds that caused us medical issues that are preventable by losing weight can feel like we no longer can speak out against fatist comments made that deeply hurt people that have weight issues. Yet, there is a big difference between obesity and being overweight or "big." Often, friends that we have turn away from us after we lose weight and think we will become sizeist or judge them negatively. Also, there can be issues around now being able to do many activities that our prior obesity prevented us from doing, consequently driving a wedge between us and others.

Actually, AtLast, the difference isn't *that* great. And I believe there are so many variables when it comes to one's body and size. For instance, my partner is what I consider to be a "big" woman. She is almost 5'11" and currently weighs 198lbs. She was an athlete growing up and an avid water polo player so she has very muscular shoulders and thighs. The weight she prefers to be at is 175 but right now given the stress she is under and recent health issues, she weighs more. According to most doctor's charts she is obese, yet if she were to weigh anything less than 175-180lbs she would look sickly. (i've seen pictures and i totally agree!)

That being said, there is very little wiggle room (statistically speaking) between being over weight and being obese. And what's also not taken into account are people's frames and heritage. Scandinavian folks can be HUGE!!

According to the chart below I am under weight, yet I have rarely been in the weight range that is considered "normal". It's all very strange yet relative.

I work very hard to be healthy. I eat a stricktly paloelithic diet and it helps me feel soooooooo much better then when I ate pretty much everything - even in moderation. I haven't ever been fat, but I have been whispered about and even asked if I was anorexic on several occasions.


Definitions for Adults
For adults, overweight and obesity ranges are determined by using weight and height to calculate a number called the "body mass index" (BMI). BMI is used because, for most people, it correlates with their amount of body fat.

•An adult who has a BMI between 25 and 29.9 is considered overweight.
•An adult who has a BMI of 30 or higher is considered obese.
See the following table for an example.

Height Weight Range BMI Considered
5' 9" 124 lbs or less Below 18.5 Underweight
125 lbs to 168 lbs 18.5 to 24.9 Healthy weight
169 lbs to 202 lbs 25.0 to 29.9 Overweight
203 lbs or more 30 or higher Obese

It is important to remember that although BMI correlates with the amount of body fat, BMI does not directly measure body fat. As a result, some people, such as athletes, may have a BMI that identifies them as overweight even though they do not have excess body fat. For more information about BMI, visit Body Mass Index.

Other methods of estimating body fat and body fat distribution include measurements of skinfold thickness and waist circumference, calculation of waist-to-hip circumference ratios, and techniques such as ultrasound, computed tomography, and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI).

[Gráinne]

I am currently a fat person who has decided to become...healthy, at whatever weight that is. That means, I'm not beholden to my WW number, or some arbitrary goal I set. Wherever I can eat like a real human being without guilt, and yet feel good and do what I want, that's where I want to be.

I see the fat-positive issue not as anti-get healthy or anti-lose weight, but as don't wait to feel good about yourself and your worth until you've lost weight. We all start with worth without measure, and it doesn't rise or fall according to weight. We're also sexy at all weights. But I also have common sense, and I want to feel and look as good as possible, and to do that I must be at a healthy weight for me.

[dixie]

To me, there should be no guilt for doing what you need to do to be healthy. Healthy comes in different shapes and sizes. I'm one who yo-yo's quite a bit between fat and skinny. Oddly enough, I'm healthier now than I was as a 100lb size 5. BUT I'm still not as healthy as I should be, and I am taking steps to get there. Do I get a little jealous sometimes of those who are more successful at it than me? Yes, honestly, I do. Do I feel guilty? No. I'm doing what needs to be done to be healthy...for me. It also doesn't and will not make me feel sizeist towards my friends who are different than me, whether they be smaller or larger.

[*Anya*]

I have never felt guilt at losing weight. I felt guilt at getting fat and watching my cholesterol skyrocket. Even though I lost 50lbs, it is still too high so I do not dare gain it all back and still want to lose more. I am 15 pounds heavier than I would like to be

My friends and family never made me feel guilty for either being fat or for losing the weight.

I always felt it was my choice to be either way.

I chose to have a cholesterol level WNL. I should also add, my blood pressure was as high as 160/90 at my heaviest and did not do much better on B/P medication. It now runs around 110/70. My family history on my dad's side includes CVA, heart attacks, coronary artery disease, etc.

I feel that I must do everything within my power to head them off at the pass.

[girl_dee]

We are each on our own individual journeys and paths, you can't own someone else's or feel guilt about it. They didn't ask you to.

Just my .02.

[Soft*Silver]

wow. Can i connect with this or what? I had my surgery a season ago. I dropped enough weight to need new clothes. Here are some of the remarks i have gotten from my friends and family, of all sizes:

Bet you think you're something now, dont you?

Better keep your fat clothes, you're just gonna gain it all back someday.

I wish I had YOUR problem of having to buy all new clothes (not said in a nice way)

Oh we cant go to a buffet because SHE cant eat like us anymore

Is that all you're going to order? Are you trying to make us feel bad?

well, you didnt lose enuf to be skinny. So what then...

***********

I dont get asked out for meals anymore. When friends and family go out for food, I dont get asked. I often have to ask my sub to finish my meals at restaurants. Or I take it home and eat it later. No one wants to go dress shopping with me. I dont know what size I wear anymore so I have to keep going down in sizes until I hit the right one, in almost everything garment I try on. It pisses people off.

on the other hand, they ARE all happy for me and tell me that as well. BOTH are true. We go to book stores, coffee places, craft shows, etc. Things i couldnt do when I couldnt even walk a few steps and not breath because my lung was collapsed.

But, because of this other side to my weight loss, I am worried about Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am not baking cookies this year. I dont have the money for the ingredients. But to them, they might (and probably will) see this as an extension of my weight loss. I could spell it out but at this point, I am tired of spelling it out to them. THEY need to accept my weight loss or not. I have. And I am still losing. Thankfully, its not coming off quickly. (at first it did, now its slowly coming off) I have never felt better in many ways. I can breath. My joints dont hurt. I dont feel bad about myself for overeating. Life is good.

But I am the one who had the surgery. Their life didnt change. So they just need more time to adjust. Or not.

Frankly, I am ok not being invited to buffets. It would only frustrate me..lol

[Apocalipstic]

I just wanted to give some insight from a fat person, as to why someone might not be supportive of your weight loss.

Sometimes people losing weight are riddled which shame about their size and talk about that shame non-stop and cut themselves down and beat themselves up about their weight. This is difficult to listen to.

Sometimes when people are losing weight, every conversation, often in nice restaurants is of how many hours they exercize and how much they do not eat...etc.

I don't think anyone should feel guilty for losing weight, but if you want to keep your friends, maybe make sure they know you are still THEIR friend. When you talk about your shame, it shames them too. Maybe choose activities away from food, so every word is not about you and your diet.

Guilt helps no one, but being a good friend does!

[Corkey]

There's enough guilt in the world for folks to focus on. Anyone who is loosing weight, and doing so for their health has my support. Anyone who is fat positive has my support, because not everyone is going to be able to loose weight. What someone weighs is not who they are. Just being human is hard enough, stop with the guilt.

[Soft*Silver]

Apocalipstic, those are excellent points! In my everyday life, I had to grow a consciousness about how much I talked about the changes happening to me. I caught myself quite a few times, sounding like someone I use to loathe when I was heavier, the person whose life is consumed by their diet. I groaned about not being able to eat foods I loved. I thought they would commiserate with me. Not all the time. Sometimes, it made them feel bad when they wanted to eat those foods! So yes, I get that totally! And have become conscious about it and am careful with their feelings too.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

Apocalipstic, those are excellent points! In my everyday life, I had to grow a consciousness about how much I talked about the changes happening to me. I caught myself quite a few times, sounding like someone I use to loathe when I was heavier, the person whose life is consumed by their diet. I groaned about not being able to eat foods I loved. I thought they would commiserate with me. Not all the time. Sometimes, it made them feel bad when they wanted to eat those foods! So yes, I get that totally! And have become conscious about it and am careful with their feelings too.

I would go shopping with ya!

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I would go shopping with ya!

I wish you could! But right now, no pennies for shopping anyway! Maybe we can "shop" together at the femme clothing give away at the reunion next year...!!!!

[Rockinonahigh]

Ive read true parts of this so in one way or the other I havebeen in nearly every situation that u all have been.Me becomeing 303 pounds was a person screaming for help with problems that had nothing to do with food other than I used it for my choice of drug to deal with what I was going thrue in my life,I was also smokeing two to three packs of ciggies a day wich nearly cooked my lungs.Over a series of things my life became less complicated in one way more so in others,after a time I finaly could step back and look at my life where it was and where I wanted it to be.So I made the desision to change my life andhow I lived it.
Now comeing from where I am now I have lost some friends cause I quit smokeing,I was told I wasnt any fun any more cause it was a drag to have to be careful of smokeing if I was with the group...so I left the so called friends I thought I had..it hurt to hear the comments but im in a better place cause I am not there any more.Then I finaly took my docs advise,got some counseling,finaly got a good check up wich I had been avoiding at any cost,then thay caught the diabetis...weighing 303 was bad enough but diabetis...holly crapola...no way not me.So I wised up and got with the program.NOw at 245 and still doing what I need to do im still takeing hits from ppl who say even at my goal weight of 200 on my 5' 5" frame isnt enough..screw them is what I say caue I dont need them being neggative because im geting imy life and health in order.
All of us who are wanting to be healthy will hear stuff we would rather not hear from people who just dont get it nor will they ever,is it because they wish they had the nuts to take charge of life and hit the head on or is it caeause they cant deal with us being something something they arent and will pay for it in the end cause of bad choices.