Stone Butches

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

when you mention you are stone...some women just head for the hills....

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I had a date with a stone butch who hadn't previously identified herself as such to me. When I told her I was a stonefemme and explained what that meant to me, she said, "I'm LOVING this". I wish it could always work out that way.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I agree. I want to be with someone who seeks a stone butch, not tolerates it. I have been fortunate in that regard.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I wish we all weren't so conditioned to rejection that we're grateful for "someone who tolerates my stoneness". I wish we could all do better than mere tolerance.

I totally agree with this statement. Its hard to find a Stone Butch who "gets it" not just tolerates it

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I totally agree with this statement. Its hard to find a Stone Butch who "gets it" not just tolerates it

To clarify, I am assuming what you mean is it is hard to find a non stone butch who gets it, right? A stone butch would get it b/c they are stone like you, right?

As an aside, I do understand why it would be hard for someone of a non stone nature to understand how the way we stones have sex could meet someone's sexual needs.

[chrisbutch]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

Thanks, yes you are right of course..
well...she hasn't run, as it happens......so we will see..

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

But, the alternative is doing/allowing something that doesn't fit for you, right? I say it is much better that a woman be with me if she is stone, as well, not someone who tolerates my stoneness. Ya know?

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

[kannon]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

To me, it means that you accept and respect your partner. Its all about the attitude. _

[cuddlyfemme]

Its here....Friday! Have a wonderful weekend all you handsome Stone Butches and Femme's that adore Stone Butches!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

Good point. I am glad you asked because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. I think that if someone feels completely satisfied with either a stone or non-stone partner, than acceptance would be a better word.

For me, in thinking about it, if I was with someone who could go either way, I think there would be a part of me that would always wonder if they were getting their needs met...or if they could get their needs met long term.

Granted, I am a "no touch", stone butch. Maybe if I were a "no penetration, but everything else is fine", stone butch, or a "don't touch me up top, but touch me everywhere else", stone butch, I would struggle less with understanding how one could go either way. Get what I am saying? If one enjoys touching/licking/sucking female genitals/breasts, then how could they possibly be able to get all of their sexual needs met without being able to have at least some contact with their partner's breasts/genitals? Is it analogous to the bisexual person who can be satisfied with only dating one sex (rather than the bisexual person who needs to have both sexes in order to be satisfied)?

Interesting subject, thanks for raising it.

[jac]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Good point. I am glad you asked because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. I think that if someone feels completely satisfied with either a stone or non-stone partner, than acceptance would be a better word.

For me, in thinking about it, if I was with someone who could go either way, I think there would be a part of me that would always wonder if they were getting their needs met...or if they could get their needs met long term.

Granted, I am a "no touch", stone butch. Maybe if I were a "no penetration, but everything else is fine", stone butch, or a "don't touch me up top, but touch me everywhere else", stone butch, I would struggle less with understanding how one could go either way. Get what I am saying? If one enjoys touching/licking/sucking female genitals/breasts, then how could they possibly be able to get all of their sexual needs met without being able to have at least some contact with their partner's breasts/genitals? Is it analogous to the bisexual person who can be satisfied with only dating one sex (rather than the bisexual person who needs to have both sexes in order to be satisfied)?

Interesting subject, thanks for raising it.

I kind of have to agree with Dapper on this... I would also wonder if her needs were actually being met, because what I'm getting from this is that, if you can go either way then somewhere inside you wants to touch, etc. I cannot provide that for the other person so I would have a sense of guilt because deep I would think that I am not fulfilling their needs fully.. which for me.. being the extreme stone giver, is what gets my needs met.

I guess if you have someone who is okay with a partner willing and accepting of going either way then that is a good fit... it's just not a good for me.

Thanks for asking...

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Ok, I am curious now. And I want to get a few thoughts on this (please be nice, I am simply curious-not trying to start anything).

I am femme but not stone femme. I have never had a problem with dating a stone butch and have dated more than one. I do not mind that someone identifes as stone and has personal preferences about how/if/where they are touched. I have always been of the mindset that if my needs are met then I am happy; it is actually a good fit because I tend to "crash" if those needs are met well. However, if I am dating someone that enjoys being touched, I am good there too. I think I am flexible based on my partner. I believe that if everything is good out of the bedroom and I get what I need in it, then the rest (ie, their personal choices) is 100% negotiable.

So, I want to know, does this make me seem that I "tolerate" someone's stoneness or does it show that I "accept" it?

Laneydoll; I just wanted to say I like the way you worded your post. I think it means you accept this as there is nothing derogative or "bad" to tolerate.

[Heavenleahangel]

I am curious about myself as well. Do you think it is strange that when I am dating a ftm or someone who is stone that my mind just automatically "avoids" the areas that are off limits or in the case of a ftm, I just naturally associate that person as male-just like they present themselves as there is nothing feminine or feminizing about them? I have had many conversations where I have defended myself that "I couldnt possibly see someone as something other than what they are born as." It really offends me. Does this make me "strange"?
Dont get me wrong, I am all about pleasing my partner and making them feel good, but its almost as if its instilled in me that I *know* how to accomplish this without making them uncomfortable, overstepping boundaries or trying to do something they don't appreciate.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Heavenleahangel

Laneydoll; I just wanted to say I like the way you worded your post. I think it means you accept this as there is nothing derogative or "bad" to tolerate.

Thank you! To me, "stone" is not something bad or something to tolerate. It is simply who someone is. For me it is like someone's ethnicity, hair color etc. It is just who they are. I "tolerate" someone who snores-lol.

To all the stones out there (whether butch or femme), if someone "tolerates" who you are at your core, you may need to find someone else. Someone who embraces it.

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

Thank you! To me, "stone" is not something bad or something to tolerate. It is simply who someone is. For me it is like someone's ethnicity, hair color etc. It is just who they are. I "tolerate" someone who snores-lol.

To all the stones out there (whether butch or femme), if someone "tolerates" who you are at your core, you may need to find someone else. Someone who embraces it.

Again, nicely said, LaneyDoll! I totally agree with you. If a stone is only being "tolerated" (whether butch or femme) then, they are soooo under-respected and not being treated/spoiled like they should be! If someone can't embrace all of me, then they can't enjoy the parts of me they want! It's all or nothing! Isn't that the way it should be?

[SweetJane]

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

[Converse]

Attraction is an interesting thing, particularly instant attraction. It’s that time when hidden (often even to ourselves) yearnings surface and our being goes into alert mode without any involvement from our brain.

What I always find curious is that occasionally when time passes is that intellect and social pressures can often drive us to want to change the object of our initial attraction. Like the partner for example who begins to critique their other as being too masculine or too feminine – and for the sake of the relationship the other attempts to modify and stifle.

When there is an attraction and we enjoy all that the person is and at the same time feel confident in our assumption that the “stone part” is something that will change over time, we do so because we have reduced the essence of being Stone to simply being about sexual acts. Like a Deliahs request to have Samson visit the barber, much more can be lost in that request than simply the mane of hair.

I understand the analogy raised about sexual bottoms and it may or may not be relevant in the context of sexual encounters with Stone tops, but in my mind topping/bottoming is a whole other conversation that can easily be had without the word stone being used. I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone, and yes D/s and Top/bottom dynamics may all be part of the equation but they can easily exist outside of a Stone paradigm.

When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum.

[chai~]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

Hi SweetJane, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!