What is Forgiveness?

[julieisafemme]

I am finding that I can't forgive until I have forgiven myself. That is proving to be difficult.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Daywalker

I have a personal belief...that although making amends and forgiveness
are 2 different things...I have 'made amends' with a few this year
and that seems to ease the need to forgive.

Rehashing is not always a good thing...for me.

I wonder if I am gaining anyting by rehashing. The details do not always match up, and I wonder what really happened. I wonder do I have to know what happened exactly to accept it?

Its usually easy for me to forgive, I just get stuck on family stuff.

Originally Posted by Neen

perhaps for me it's semantics...I don't have, for myself, a goal of 'forgiveness'...my goal is for 'acceptance'...what happened, what choices (or compulsions) were meted out is what happened...I think that it's my way of letting go of wishing things had not happened...or trying to figure out what (and it's almost always nothing) I could have done to prevent events, or what I might have 'done' to cause them...

I am, often to my detriment, able to really Understand why people do harm to others...how their own injuries drive them to act out in the ways they do, etc...I also know that someone with the same kinds of woundings can choose Not to impose harm on others...(that is simplistic I know)...

my challenge is just accepting the truth of things...not getting stuck in wishing...not getting mired in self-pity...not giving up on struggling to move through the effects of being broken in ways which could keep me paralyzed...I find that when I am able to look at things and not have an immediate reaction which leads to self-destructive impulses, I have achieved a freedom from the past and move in the present and into the future empowered...

as for forgetting....I never forget, and I don't want to...all the experiences of my life are just that--all the pieces that make up the Whole of My Life...I strive to be able to remember by conscious choice and not by having tapes running on a loop...but I want to have the strength and grace to hold all the memories of my life...

that's what I work for and on and somehow forgiving just isn't the right fit for me, or what my internal filing system is all about...

n

Interesting post. Lot's to think about.

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I am finding that I can't forgive until I have forgiven myself. That is proving to be difficult.

I think we are always harder on ourselves than on anyone else.
Sometimes, just becasue someone else thinks we failed them, does not mean we did.
Be easy on yourself Julie!

[PearlsNLace]

I have found that I have to come to a place of forgiveness- towards self, and others, way before I come to the space of making amends.

If I dont, then I am too attached to outcomes I want- how I want others to respond and as a control freak that is really an easy trap to make.

I have found that some stuff happens, and Im just not ready to rehash it. I leave it be, really, until I see that there is something in my way of being happy. I work through things on an as needed basis because if I push it on MY timeline it doesnt work, and I end up doing the work all over again anyway.

There is a time to let go. And a time to pick things up again. And sometimes I need a little perspective outside of my little bubble to find out when those times are.

[Liquefaction]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I think we are always harder on ourselves than on anyone else.
Sometimes, just becasue someone else thinks we failed them, does not mean we did.
Be easy on yourself Julie!

I needed the read this!

Thank you!!!