Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

girl_dee · 12-08-2011, 07:14 AM

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.

There are very few people in the world I would consider a friend. To me a friend is someone that we could call each other in the middle of the night and we'd be there. Someone that I communicate with ongoing in daily life. Someone who actually cares about how I am doing, and me them. I have many, many acquaintances, but friends, no. I am also very selective about those I bring close to me, my choice. Someone who not only calls me when they are down and out, but when they want to share their joy too. Friendships take work and not many are willing to do the work.

Do I care about my exes? Sure, I do! When I do hear from them and things are good I am happy for them. That doesn't mean I want them in my everyday life. They are on their journey and I am on mine. I don't have a need to have people from my past in my everyday life. I move on. Like Selly said, to some it's 'vicious', to me it's being emotionally healthy and moving on, We are exes for a reason and I like to cut all ties. I also feel having exes too present and upfront in one's life can cause problems for a new relationship. If you have not moved on from the last one, chances are you are not ready for the new one.

Now if you have kids together that's different, you have to maintain a relationship, but if not, cut the emotional tie and move on, IMO.

Also like someone mentioned, it depends on how it ended.

Sachita · 12-08-2011, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.
IMO.

Funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. I agree that friend means something far deeper to me. I admit that I do know people, I consider friends, that I never met. We have a special connection, share and communicate. It's possible, for sure. Then I have people that I've known for many years that I call friend but the truth is they don't really fit my definition. I'm not sure what to call them.

In my book a friend is someone that always has your back and will be drop everything to to be by your side (If they can). A friend protects you and holds your secrets sacred. A friend is someone you can not see for months and month yet when you see each other again its as if nothing has changed.

I don't know you Dee but I have a connection with you I can't explain. I know that we would be wonderful close friends. I feel that way about your whole family. Friends on another plane of existence.

girl_dee · 12-08-2011, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

Funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. I agree that friend means something far deeper to me. I admit that I do know people, I consider friends, that I never met. We have a special connection, share and communicate. It's possible, for sure. Then I have people that I've known for many years that I call friend but the truth is they don't really fit my definition. I'm not sure what to call them.

In my book a friend is someone that always has your back and will be drop everything to to be by your side (If they can). A friend protects you and holds your secrets sacred. A friend is someone you can not see for months and month yet when you see each other again its as if nothing has changed.

I don't know you Dee but I have a connection with you I can't explain. I know that we would be wonderful close friends. I feel that way about your whole family. Friends on another plane of existence.

Wow, I feel the same way, sometimes even over a forum it's like you've always known someone, I have that with you. I think you know my heart and not many people really get me. I think I know yours too.

Jett · 12-10-2011, 09:20 AM

I had Thanksgiving, one of two dinners (I know ugh) with two of my ex's and even some of their family at the table with me and my lady... because they're my friends and they are also family... I can't stop loving and caring about someone because we don't make a good couple. Granted no one has ever cheated on me or broke up w/ me and I have not "wronged" them in any way. I think that's a huge deal as far as whether ppl will be friends "after".

One of them is actually my best friend still after 20+ years. I guess I think it's all pretty relative. I can def see where if maybe it was just wrong from the beginning, it wouldn't last in anyway at the end *shrugs*

12-10-2011, 09:20 AM	#4
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I had Thanksgiving, one of two dinners (I know ugh) with two of my ex's and even some of their family at the table with me and my lady... because they're my friends and they are also family... I can't stop loving and caring about someone because we don't make a good couple. Granted no one has ever cheated on me or broke up w/ me and I have not "wronged" them in any way. I think that's a huge deal as far as whether ppl will be friends "after". One of them is actually my best friend still after 20+ years. I guess I think it's all pretty relative. I can def see where if maybe it was just wrong from the beginning, it wouldn't last in anyway at the end shrugs __________________ .......... In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

12-08-2011, 07:14 AM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	I feel it depends on how you define friend. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays. I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are Friends..People we have never met online are Friends... it never has resonated with me. There are very few people in the world I would consider a friend. To me a friend is someone that we could call each other in the middle of the night and we'd be there. Someone that I communicate with ongoing in daily life. Someone who actually cares about how I am doing, and me them. I have many, many acquaintances, but friends, no. I am also very selective about those I bring close to me, my choice. Someone who not only calls me when they are down and out, but when they want to share their joy too. Friendships take work and not many are willing to do the work. Do I care about my exes? Sure, I do! When I do hear from them and things are good I am happy for them. That doesn't mean I want them in my everyday life. They are on their journey and I am on mine. I don't have a need to have people from my past in my everyday life. I move on. Like Selly said, to some it's 'vicious', to me it's being emotionally healthy and moving on, We are exes for a reason and I like to cut all ties. I also feel having exes too present and upfront in one's life can cause problems for a new relationship. If you have not moved on from the last one, chances are you are not ready for the new one. Now if you have kids together that's different, you have to maintain a relationship, but if not, cut the emotional tie and move on, IMO. Also like someone mentioned, it depends on how it ended.