Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m still friends with all but one of my ex.s…. I accept there were reasons the relationships didn’t work out and that is OK! I hold no malice or hatred because it’s too much energy and I only end up hurting myself more in the long run, which then stops me from living my life and being happy.

I feel we were in each others lives for a reason and I wouldn’t want to change that because we meant something to each other; we laughed, we had good times, we cried and we explored our worlds as a couple and as individuals within a relationship.

Even those I’ve dated and it’s not been anything more than a few dates, I’m still friendly with and in social gatherings I will chat too them.

I’m not by nature the type of person to deliberately ignore or hate an ex because it hurt me deeply when a long term relationship ends….I will distance myself from them for a while until I’ve healed enough to allow myself and them back into my life on a friendship level.

If an ex finds herself someone else, I AM genuinely happy for her, even if I’m still single. Although, I understand the concept of jealousy, I don’t feel the emotion and always hope it works out for them both.

[smouldering]

I think for me, i have to take each individual experience and go from there, How close we were, how the relationship played out and how it ended really determines how long it takes me to get to the point where i want to be friends or if i can even feel comfortable being friends with an ex.
I have an ex that we did maintain a friendship, but after they got involved with someone new, their new partner had issues with our friendship and so it ended.
I only have two ex's that i would never consider a friendship with and it has a lot to do with their behavior during our break up and how they act currently.

[Vlasta]

I personally believe if it's possible to be friend with my ex . it great . Which doesn't mean we are in each other live on daily bases . If we were worth it to share bed and had some feeling for each other it's worth a friend relationship for me .

I would never bring my ex into my present relationship , but exchange happy birthday , holiday cards it's really ok with me . Since I am single right now , I have more communication and support from my ex's . I do appreciate it .

Not all relations ships have to ended in bad way .

[jac]

I've always tried to maintain friendship with my exes, they were my friends before they were my lover and that in itself reassures me that I am okay with being friends to this day. However, I've noticed the one's that I was in a relationship with for short amounts of time are the ones that have faded away over time. The two that I was in long term (6yrs and 7yrs) are the two that are my best friends now. The 6yr relationship ended 12 years ago and the 7yr relationship ended 3 years ago. I can ask either of these women for anything and they are right there for me, and visa versa. I find it's a sore spot for new relationships for me to have this friendship with them but I try to reassure the new or existing relationship is that these women are my exes for a reason... I never go back to exes. But I never let go of a good friend either cause true friends are very rare in this lifetime... And as quickly as it was to get over the hurt of the breakups, both were only about two weeks before we realized we could maintain our friendships.

[kittygrrl]

I've managed it, but it's a delicate matter especially if you were the one who broke it off first. As said, depending on the circumstances but, I think if you're both mature adults and there is no betrayal (ie cheating) involved, it's very possible. A former ex (of mine) happens to be a very trusted friend and I value her wisdom and we talk often.

[imperfect_cupcake]

this is a hard question. especially now that my marriage is over due to betrayal. I miss her family, it's the only one I've got over here. I miss my boys (the cats) and I miss the house. I@m seething angry at what she did. But I also know that she is kind and generous to her friends. I married her for a very good reason. If she can ever get round to admitting she was wrong, what she did was wrong, understanding what her behaviour has done to not only me but her family, my family, our little household, our mutual friends (they are heart broken and shocked and very upset) - if she can be big enough to face up to it, own it and understand the full impact of her behaviour and apologise for it, then when she is no longer with the person she left with, I can be friends. And I would like to be. But not until those things happen. I still care for her very much but I need to know she can own her shit before a friendship can happen.

[PumaJ]

I have three exes with whom I'm still friends. One I've been good friends with for at least 35 yrs, one for 15 or 16 yrs, the last for about 9 yrs.

Even an ex I felt the betrayed by I stayed friends with, after a period of healing time, for several years until her chronic health condition got the best of her.

There are about three exes with whom I have zero contact because the relationships turned so ugly & the endings were so awful that healing was impossible.