Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

[jac]

I've always tried to maintain friendship with my exes, they were my friends before they were my lover and that in itself reassures me that I am okay with being friends to this day. However, I've noticed the one's that I was in a relationship with for short amounts of time are the ones that have faded away over time. The two that I was in long term (6yrs and 7yrs) are the two that are my best friends now. The 6yr relationship ended 12 years ago and the 7yr relationship ended 3 years ago. I can ask either of these women for anything and they are right there for me, and visa versa. I find it's a sore spot for new relationships for me to have this friendship with them but I try to reassure the new or existing relationship is that these women are my exes for a reason... I never go back to exes. But I never let go of a good friend either cause true friends are very rare in this lifetime... And as quickly as it was to get over the hurt of the breakups, both were only about two weeks before we realized we could maintain our friendships.

[kittygrrl]

I've managed it, but it's a delicate matter especially if you were the one who broke it off first. As said, depending on the circumstances but, I think if you're both mature adults and there is no betrayal (ie cheating) involved, it's very possible. A former ex (of mine) happens to be a very trusted friend and I value her wisdom and we talk often.

[imperfect_cupcake]

this is a hard question. especially now that my marriage is over due to betrayal. I miss her family, it's the only one I've got over here. I miss my boys (the cats) and I miss the house. I@m seething angry at what she did. But I also know that she is kind and generous to her friends. I married her for a very good reason. If she can ever get round to admitting she was wrong, what she did was wrong, understanding what her behaviour has done to not only me but her family, my family, our little household, our mutual friends (they are heart broken and shocked and very upset) - if she can be big enough to face up to it, own it and understand the full impact of her behaviour and apologise for it, then when she is no longer with the person she left with, I can be friends. And I would like to be. But not until those things happen. I still care for her very much but I need to know she can own her shit before a friendship can happen.

[PumaJ]

I have three exes with whom I'm still friends. One I've been good friends with for at least 35 yrs, one for 15 or 16 yrs, the last for about 9 yrs.

Even an ex I felt the betrayed by I stayed friends with, after a period of healing time, for several years until her chronic health condition got the best of her.

There are about three exes with whom I have zero contact because the relationships turned so ugly & the endings were so awful that healing was impossible.