Outing our children...

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

School on defensive after telling parents their son is gayBy Sylvia Wood, msnbc.com

A school district in Utah is defending its decision to “out” a middle-school student as gay to his parents in light of safety and bullying concerns.

“The administrator did exactly the right thing,” said Rhonda Bromley, a spokeswoman for the Alpine School District in Lehi, Utah. “We are not going to back down. We take bullying very, very seriously.”

The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network urged caution in these situations.

“Schools should not out LGBT students without their consent,” said GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard. “Outing a student not only violates their right to privacy, but also could compromise their safety. Parents can be notified of their child being bullied at school, but without disclosing their sexual orientation or gender identity.”

The situation started last week when the 14-year-old’s class at Willowcreek Middle School was assigned to create an advertisement about themselves to hang on the classroom wall. The boy wrote about being gay, Bromley said.

When the teacher approached him about whether he wanted to share that information publicly, the boy said he did. The teacher decided to involve the assistant school principal, who spoke with the boy and counseled him on talking with his parents.

The student was hesitant to approach his parents, but agreed “reluctantly” to let the administrator to speak with them, Bromley said. At the boy’s request, he was not present when his parents were told.

“The student chose himself to make his sexuality known in a variety of ways,” Bromley said. “And there had already started to be some negative feedback.”


“If there is the potential for a bullying or a harassment situation, it’s the responsibility of the school to step in and to make sure the student is safe,” she said.

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School districts across the country are struggling with anti-gay bullying in light of highly publicized cases involving teen suicides. In October 2010, the suicide death of two teen boys prompted U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan to issue a call for action.

Their deaths followed at least three other suicides that year linked to “the trauma of being bullied and harassed for their actual or perceived sexual orientation was too much to bear,” Duncan said at the time.

“This is a moment where every one of us -- parents, teachers, students, elected officials, and all people of conscience -- needs to stand up and speak out against intolerance in all its forms,” he said.

Byard said it’s important for schools to deal with bullying and notify parents of any instances, without disclosing a student’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

"Taking away the choice for a LGBT student to come out on their own terms opens the door to significant risks, including harassment at school and family rejection," she said.

Andy Thayer, co-founder of the Gay Liberation Network, said family rejection is a real risk, and some young gay teens have found themselves homeless as a result.

The school "could very well have worsened that situation considerably," he said.

Bromley said the case at Alpine School District has drawn national attention, in part, because the student’s friends created a Facebook page, which has since turned into a an invitation-only group. The original page, which received more than 400 “likes,” asked students and supporters to write the assistant principal in defense of the student.

Bromley said some of the information on the original page was inaccurate, including the claim that the district suspended the boy. She said his parents chose to keep him home this week.

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“We’ve received many phone calls and emails from many people based on inaccurate information,” she said. She said the boy was never in trouble and the goal of the district was to keep him safe.

“The last thing we want is for students to think there would be some sort of consequence for this,” she said.

From the above I am guessing that one or two negative comments from students were made and the school is worried that bullying WILL occur. If you notice no where does the article say that the child has been bullied.

Unless someone was going to call the parents of every child who gets "negative feedback" and who they assume will continue to get negative feedback, then no, I don't think this child's parents should have been contacted. The boy's thoughts and feelings are his own to share with who he wants, when he wants (including who he sexually desires). It was not the school's information to share.

I think it was the school's anxiety that this kid would end up being bullied/hurt and that the parents would be angry with the school for "letting this happen". I think they pulled the trigger early so the parents wouldn't hold them accountable. The problem is that taking this easy way out means that they took away a child's CHOICE to not share something with his parents until he was ready.

[greeneyedgrrl]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

From the above I am guessing that one or two negative comments from students were made and the school is worried that bullying WILL occur. If you notice no where does the article say that the child has been bullied.

Unless someone was going to call the parents of every child who gets "negative feedback" and who they assume will continue to get negative feedback, then no, I don't think this child's parents should have been contacted. The boy's thoughts and feelings are his own to share with who he wants, when he wants (including who he sexually desires). It was not the school's information to share.

I think it was the school's anxiety that this kid would end up being bullied/hurt and that the parents would be angry with the school for "letting this happen". I think they pulled the trigger early so the parents wouldn't hold them accountable. The problem is that taking this easy way out means that they took away a child's CHOICE to not share something with his parents until he was ready.

^^what hy said. i agree... and i want to reiterate that even if there was bullying based on his orientation, it could've been done without outing him. the focus should stay on the unacceptable (bullying) behavior, not on the orientation/whatever of the target.

[DapperButch]

Kid wasn't even bullied yet. Maybe the teachers should have a little more trust in their students. The kid may not have even been bullied!


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/1...6pLid%3D120447

[greeneyedgrrl]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Kid wasn't even bullied yet. Maybe the teachers should have a little more trust in their students. The kid may not have even been bullied!

ugh.... it sounds like if this was preemptive and (really even if it wasn't) anti-bias education would have been a much better solution. my preschool kids kids are capable of understanding it... i think middle schoolers can too (thought it may take more repetition with them because they've had a longer time to solidify biases).

the idea is to challenge forming or formed biases with examples that show another way of thinking about it. in effect it's teaching critical thinking. i think that it's more time consuming and takes more work, (not much as it is interwoven into teaching/teaching style) but the pay off (children and citizens who accept others differences and can see commonalities) is well worth it.

i had to really fight for this at my daughter's school. even with free training... it just makes so much more sense than to me than zero tolerance where there are punishments and consequences but no real teaching and therefore no real change.

[blush]

First we're mad because schools do nothing, then we're mad when schools do too much.

I agree children should make the decision on their own to whom they come out to, but schools have an obligation to keep students safe. Not saying anything to a parent because of the volitale nature of coming out continues to make it seem there is something to be ashamed of. Helping a student tell his parents and giving support to the whole family might lessen the stigma attached to coming out.

My gut reaction to the schools response is that their hearts were in the right place. The environment for LGBT children is changing very quickly. It is unchartered territory for schools.

[persiphone]

as a parent, i would want to know. bottom line. and if the kid outed himself, then it's not really much of a secret. also, it's not like this was a kid that was pregnant. being gay doesn't require any action taking decision making that could affect that person's entire rest of their lives. i really doubt that a 14 year old is going to out himself if there was a fear of being thrown out of his house, let alone make posters about it as school projects.

also as a parent, any school my son attends gets a forewarning from me that should my son get hit, not only will he not get into trouble at home for hitting back, but i will also be filing assault charges. i don't tolerate bullying even on the minor levels. for me, as a single parent, bullying is one of those traps that could get my son killed so it's not negotiable for me. and should a problem arise, i'm down at that school raising holy hell. if my son is being bullied i force the school to document every incident and every time i have to go down there raising above mentioned holy hell.

lastly, we have straight chicks in junior high giving blowjobs to the football team. 'gay' should not really be a shocker at school in light of the often absurd sexual experiences our kids are exposed to there. i've made it my mission to enlighten my son on levels of sex that might make some adults blush. he may be the only male in the entire building that knows what a clitoris is and what it does. if you take the veils away there will be no surprises. i'm of the school of thought that thinks....who cares what your orientation is? who cares if you know what a condom is? why are these still being discussed under the guise of morality? who gives a shit. pisses me off. but, *sigh*, i know this is just in my bubble and that the rest of the world still wants to debate over the morality of sexual bits and all that that entails.

still. as a parent....i'd want to know. (as if i wouldn't already know. meh)

[GretaGable]

As part of a high school English class I wrote a semi-romantic poem about a female movie star; without my knowledge or consent my teacher called my mom. Mom wasn't angry but was more worried, devastated and upset than I'd ever seen her; I denied everything, went to my room and pondered what would be the least painful way to kill myself. Thankfully little Greta was too chicken to try anything, which is why grown Greta is here, writing this post.

If those educators were concerned about bullying they should have been monitoring the way that other students treated the kid and intervening when needed. Contacting the parent was not needed.