What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[SoNotHer]

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

intelligence I should have made it 5

[Medusa]

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Medusa

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

I posted the above almost exactly 5 years ago and it's pretty amazing that my top 3 musts haven't changed.

I'll expand a little as well.

1. On being a stable adult - I want to include emotional stability there as well. I want kindness, an ability to be introspective, the ability to take personal responsibility, an aversion to blaming everyone and everything around you for your behavior, and the ability to wake up with general gratitude every day. Basically, I don't expect my partner to be all kittens and rainbows but I expect them to know themselves, to know their own triggers, and to be able to cope in healthy ways.

2. On being hella smart - They must also be evolved in ways that allow them to dismantle any privilege they have, to be able to meet other people exactly where they are (or leave them where they are), and to be able to "big picture" when they need to. I want analytical thinking when needed punctuated by those moments where we are guffawing with hysterical laughter at the stupidest shit in the world. Oh, and must laugh at farts.

3. Honesty. Non-negotiable. Emotional honest as well as verbal honesty. Knowing that omitting a crucial fact is dishonest.

[Soft*Silver]

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

[Deborah]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

THese work well for me....

1. Addiction can sadly include the computer (BFP , Farmville etc) if you would rather get your strokes from online we got a problem....

2. Motivation and passion has to include some action....dont just tell me you are all about something...if you arent doing something towards it then its just talk to me...

3. I have been in a a relationship where someone would have to guess if the other person was my partner, because they didnt believe in PDA...it's so much nicer when someone sees us together they see the love between us and I am not talking about over the top things that would make one say "get a room"

All the above of course is in addition to the obvious, honesty, fidelity, respect, humor, a job, shared house duties etc....I am happy

[Skittlesluver]

Honesty, trust and sincerity is a given on any relationship for me but the three important things are (in no specific order):

1. Goal-oriented: Have a purpose or a goal that motivates you (excluding me) lol

2. Independent: These are the most attractive and interesting women in my opinion.

3. Intellectual: You can rock my body but if you don't rock my mind..it isn't happening for us

Bottom line I will be your and you will be my but neither of us walks in front or behind..we rule together side by side

[Ashton]

Seasonal well being fellow planetiers!

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[JAGG]

Integrity
Intelligent
Energetic/ Fit

[Gentle Tiger]

To help get the thread back on track...

My three are:

1. Smart - They cannot be allergic to independent thought.
2. Strong/Independent - They cannot be a mouse with this Tiger. Be able to do your own thing. I don't do well being smothered.
3. Sexy - this will be true in my eyes if they are 1 &2. Smart, strong and independent is mega sexy to me!

[lusciouskiwi]

I used to say that the three "C's" were important to me (in no particular order):

culinary stimulation
cerebral stimulation
clitoral stimulation

These days I would say:

1. You enjoy using your intellect - I'm not such a snob that I would only be with someone who has a university education but I will be bored to tears if you're not interested in talking/reading about anything. So I should add to #1, enjoy talking about everything and anything.

2. Enjoy food - different food, experimenting at home, trying new restaurants. 5 star is lovely but not something I can usually afford. Street food is good. TGIF and Outback Steakhouse, etc are fun every so often but I'm just as happy to go down to the local Vietnamese restaurant or fish and chips on the beach.

3. Sex. I'm never going to be in a relationship again where my partner isn't sexual with me. Of course we go through periods - so damn tired and stressed from work, sick, etc where sexual drive takes a bit of a hammering, but still, if you aren't prepared to be sexual with me AND not prepared to work out why, then I hope I have the balls to end the relationship.

4. Why stop at 3? You need to be interested in me. I don't mean hanging on to every word I say or being joined at my hip. Like others have said, we each had our own lives previously right? And if we didn't perhaps we shouldn't start this journey. If you can't describe who I am then it means you don't really know me or understand me, so why would you be with me?

And as staunch as I may sound,

5. Be gentle with me. And patient. Oh yeah, also gentle and patient with Madam Butterfly.

For the hell of it, I'm going to add #6

6. We are each other's Number #1 Fan Club.

[Corkey]

Integrity
Intelligence
Self confidence.

Luckily my wife is all of these and more.

[Darbonaire]

Hmmmm...

Honesty.

Intelligence

A sense of humor


there are more but that's a start

[Kent]

Lying
Cheating
Doping

[MissItalianDiva]

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

AMEN to this!

[JAGG]

Must like physical activity IE. running biking hiking camping swimming kayaking golf tennis etc...

Must keep a clean house, can't stand a slob or clutter.

Must be affectionate and high sex drive.

I need to add one more

A partner in projects. I have lived alone all my life and I really want someone who understands teamwork. And wants to do their part in home projects.

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

I have too many perhaps but here are three...

1. Territorial behavior...you are not a dog and I am definitely not a fire hydrant

2. Yelling....if someone can't speak to me in a calm adult like manner without accusations or self destructive behavior then I have no place for them in my life

3. Dishonesty in any form

These three for me too please and thank you- in addition to my above noted three. I know, it makes six but... it's just talk right?

Oh, and Jealousy. Maybe that goes with the territorial disclaimer but no jealous natured people need apply.

[Darbonaire]

Don't ask or expect me to change to please you. Same goes for you....don't change to please me. If you aren't honest from day 1 about who you are & what you find important, then how will we know if we're compatible?

Football....if you are SO into football that it's all that matters for the 13 weeks of college games....we aren't a match....at all! <I really mean this....lol>....it's great if you love it & I support that....the "different drum thing" but, it isn't for me at all.

Stone.....I'm not being disrespectful...it's just that it's not what I want or need in a partner. <hoping I don't get flamed for this>....

[Angeltoes]

Rather than thinking about what I won't tolerate I prefer to think about what I require in a partner. I don't want to enter into a relationship with rules in my head. I think relationships depend on flexibility and compromise. I just want someone who makes me happy.

Intelligence
Makes me laugh
Is tolerant/forgiving/understanding... because I am.