What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[SoNotHer]

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

1) Integrity

2) Intelligence

3) A fine sense of humor.

intelligence I should have made it 5

[Medusa]

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Medusa

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

I posted the above almost exactly 5 years ago and it's pretty amazing that my top 3 musts haven't changed.

I'll expand a little as well.

1. On being a stable adult - I want to include emotional stability there as well. I want kindness, an ability to be introspective, the ability to take personal responsibility, an aversion to blaming everyone and everything around you for your behavior, and the ability to wake up with general gratitude every day. Basically, I don't expect my partner to be all kittens and rainbows but I expect them to know themselves, to know their own triggers, and to be able to cope in healthy ways.

2. On being hella smart - They must also be evolved in ways that allow them to dismantle any privilege they have, to be able to meet other people exactly where they are (or leave them where they are), and to be able to "big picture" when they need to. I want analytical thinking when needed punctuated by those moments where we are guffawing with hysterical laughter at the stupidest shit in the world. Oh, and must laugh at farts.

3. Honesty. Non-negotiable. Emotional honest as well as verbal honesty. Knowing that omitting a crucial fact is dishonest.

[Soft*Silver]

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

[Deborah]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

I am not going to say honesty, good sense of humour, good hygiene, etc because those are givens. If I have to expect them then that means some people expect me not to expect them and frankly, thats a non reality...

so..here are my three

1) no active addiction raging. I dont care if you are addicted to Build A Bears, get it under control, go to a 12 step meeting for it, admit you are powerless over the damn stuffing and then we can talk. I am working on MINE, so I cant afford to let you not be working on yours too if you have an addiction!

2) you have a purpose in life. There has to be some reason you were put on this earth and to wake up every day. And dont say its to love of me. Thats a given if you are in a relationship with me. I want to see motivation, passion, a drive, etc. Maybe its to feed the feral cats in the park. Or to build a bridge so people can have a clean water supply. Or maybe you want to collect comic books. Great! Just dont have nothing.

3) be a genteel gentleman in the truest sense of the archetype. I dont tolerate poor speech. Slouching pants. Offensive language. Ambigious dating practices. If I have to guess if we are out on a date, because you arent opening doors, smiling and looking into my eyes and holding my attention by the cologne you are wearing, as well as the conversation we are having, we arent getting past the date to get into a relationship.

THese work well for me....

1. Addiction can sadly include the computer (BFP , Farmville etc) if you would rather get your strokes from online we got a problem....

2. Motivation and passion has to include some action....dont just tell me you are all about something...if you arent doing something towards it then its just talk to me...

3. I have been in a a relationship where someone would have to guess if the other person was my partner, because they didnt believe in PDA...it's so much nicer when someone sees us together they see the love between us and I am not talking about over the top things that would make one say "get a room"

All the above of course is in addition to the obvious, honesty, fidelity, respect, humor, a job, shared house duties etc....I am happy

[Skittlesluver]

Honesty, trust and sincerity is a given on any relationship for me but the three important things are (in no specific order):

1. Goal-oriented: Have a purpose or a goal that motivates you (excluding me) lol

2. Independent: These are the most attractive and interesting women in my opinion.

3. Intellectual: You can rock my body but if you don't rock my mind..it isn't happening for us

Bottom line I will be your and you will be my but neither of us walks in front or behind..we rule together side by side

[Jett]

It's a hard question because I'll think of ten things that do really matter to me by the time I post this... okies, here we go.

1. A stable personality... that comes out that way, if you say six different things depending on your mood we have a big problem right there, I need to know where someones really coming from without having to read between the lines or compare all your statements and guess which one is the overall truth.

2. Honesty everywhere it really counts, if you're lying to me to hide something, trust me I know what the truth is and now you're not only an XYZ but also a liar... I can forgive, understand live with a lot... but if you lie to me about it that is actually like, two strikes every time.

3. Can discuss even a heated difference like an adult, if you deflect, never own your actions, blame everybody but yourself etc etc. yada hey or resort to a nasty personal attack because you've bullshitted yourself into a corner then just do yourself a favor forget it before you even open your mouth...

I'm a very forgiving and understanding person... and I've actually put up with and ignored some of this shit more than I should have, but I've been around the block more than twice, and I just have lost all tolerance at this point in my life for the bs. (and I was right, I could go on and on about now, lol

[Apocalipstic]

It is very interesting to me how my non-negotiables have changed over the years from wanting complete fidelity to just plain someone I get along with.

I mean, who cares if they cheat if we can't even have a conversation without hurting each other's feelings?

[atomiczombie]

Femme is a given.

1. Kind, compassionate and loving.

2. Respectful. This includes honesty and respecting boundaries.

3. Intelligent and geeky. Cause that's hot.

Because I can't just put 3:

4. Strong in herself. That means a girl who is able to clearly state her needs and stand up for herself. I don't want to be with someone who sacrifices her needs and wants for mine. I want to have a relationship where we both compromise and negotiate so that we both get our needs and wants met, equally.

5. Strong chemistry and sexual compatibility. It's got to be hot.

[*Anya*]

Everything that I wrote when this thread was started in December, 2011, still holds true for me.

I left out one thing.

I can write one item as a very, very, big part of a healthy relationship and very non-negotionable:

1. Laughter
2. Laughter
3. More laughter

My GF makes me laugh all of the time.

She can give me a look, when she can tell I am a tad peeved about something, that will cause me to burst out laughing.

My laughter can make me melt into a ball of romantic vulnerability.

I can take pretty much everything too seriously.

She helps me to separate out which ones that I should take seriously and which ones require laughter.

I think laughter is as much the glue for a good relationship, as is great sex, excellent communication, fidelity and honesty.

[Pixie]

1. Fluid communication (with that is honesty....that ultimately develops trust)

2. Flexibility/Open-mindedness...one must hold themselves with compassion and understanding in order to express/live by these

3. Independence...Yes I want you to want me, yes I want time with you....but I also want time with out you, time away, time to appreciate the time I have with you.

[Sweet Bliss]

SCORPIO QUEEN OF CUPS Diving into emotional situations is best. Get in deep for best results. Work out emotional knots by addressing them head on.

See, Arwen said so. Feels good to say things outloud sometimes. I'm going to do this more often.

[ONLY]

1. no smoking
2. no cats
3. no coming home drunk and obnoxious

and few others that are regarded as "normal"