What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

HoustonHuny · 12-21-2011, 06:41 PM

When the love bug hits me....Everything is negotiable.

Soft*Silver · 12-21-2011, 07:03 PM

you must know who red skelton is and adore him

traditions are important to me and my adult daughter. Honor them and help us create some for you and us

speaking of, its a package deal...me and the adult kid, and any grandchildren that might come along.

Gemme · 12-21-2011, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jett

It's a hard question because I'll think of ten things that do really matter to me by the time I post this... okies, here we go.

1. A stable personality... that comes out that way, if you say six different things depending on your mood we have a big problem right there, I need to know where someones really coming from without having to read between the lines or compare all your statements and guess which one is the overall truth.

My friend, if there are many out there who think this way, I am doomed. It's the curse of the Gemini to feel everything a different way at different times. It's the built in flibbertygibbet in us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintease

And 5. Must like chocolate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OS Butch

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date

.... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count

I'd like to expound on this a little bit more. How about we take Quintease's chocolate demand and make it

And 5. Doesn't have to like or love chocolate, but must like or love giving me chocolate, in large quantities.

Is that acceptable?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Must love mushrooms.
Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement.

I this.

Gemme · 12-21-2011, 07:41 PM

For myself, I also have a difficult time narrowing something so complex down to just three ticks on a list but these are the really, truly big ones:

1. No abuse. You will not hit me. You will not force me to do things I don't want to do (the occasional making me go out to visit Auntie Maude and Uncle Fester when I really don't feel like leaving the house is okay....). There will be no non-concentual roughness of any kind. This include physical, mental and emotional domains.

2. Mind your addictions. Non-prescription, illegal drugs are not welcome. Neither is excessive drinking. Neither is betting on the ponies. Neither is bedding anyone and/or everyone you meet. The internet is negotiable, as I have a small addiction to it as well.

3. Respect. You will give what you get with me. You give me shit, then that is what you receive. You give me kindness and consideration and respect and tenderness and you shall receive those back in spades.

AtLast · 12-21-2011, 09:03 PM

No lying, period. Even if my feelings could be hurt by something, I'd rather have the truth and deal with what it means.

Self-sufficiency and an adult- I am not a Daddy (no negative judgement of others in alternative types of relationships, this is just not for me).

Self-examined and aware that our actions do effect others- guess this is about not being entitled and unaware of others around us.

Have to add that I can't be with someone that drinks a lot. And I don't know if I would do well with a recovering alcoholic or other substance abuser to be honest.

Hummm... as an older person, I find that there are many things I just won't deal with that I may have in the past. Love and partnership is a wonderful thing, but I just don't have the same need for a relationship as I did earlier in my life. Maybe it is just that relationship variables have just changed as I have aged and I am used to and like living on my own. The last LTR (6 years, prior one 21 years), I did not live with my partner and it worked well for both of us. Although, we lived about 20 minutes from one another.

Gemme · 12-21-2011, 10:58 PM

And....you will tell me when I spell nonconsensual wrong.

BEFORE I post.

DapperButch · 12-21-2011, 11:39 PM

1) Integrity

2) The person prefers a stone partner

3) The person consciously works towards being the best self that they can be in all areas of their life (in love, in their work, in their mental health, in their financial choices, in their family relationships, etc.)

Jett · 01-03-2012, 04:51 PM

[QUOTE=Gemme;490285]My friend, if there are many out there who think this way, I am doomed. It's the curse of the Gemini to feel everything a different way at different times. It's the built in flibbertygibbet in us.

[quote]

Lmao@ "flibbertygibbet"... (and I know what you mean- I think that's dif than what I was thinking so no worries lol

)

spritzerJ · 01-03-2012, 05:42 PM

So three non-negotiables in a relationship (of the this is serious type)...

1. Have a deep understanding of what it means to be a parent and a clearly choose to be in a relationship with someone that is a parent. This includes loving the kiddo, me, sharing a common perspective about how I parent, respecting how I parent. And pretty much be over your need to sleep in for a while.

2. Possess the capacity for forgiveness. For yourself, others, etc. I will endeavor to make it right, but I won't get it right the first time always. Forgiveness includes openness for me.

3. Passion... for your goals, for "us", what you want, what we are defining together, sex. Passion can ebb and flow but underlying there is a desire to be on life's journey.

1QuirkyKiwi · 01-03-2012, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenna8987

So three non-negotiables in a relationship (of the this is serious type)...

1. Have a deep understanding of what it means to be a parent and a clearly choose to be in a relationship with someone that is a parent. This includes loving the kiddo, me, sharing a common perspective about how I parent, respecting how I parent. And pretty much be over your need to sleep in for a while.

2. Possess the capacity for forgiveness. For yourself, others, etc. I will endeavor to make it right, but I won't get it right the first time always. Forgiveness includes openness for me.

3. Passion... for your goals, for "us", what you want, what we are defining together, sex. Passion can ebb and flow but underlying there is a desire to be on life's journey.

My Maori Grandmother always told me that forgiveness was one way to respect yourself and others for making mistakes in life and learning about yourselves and the world around us. Not forgiving was like saying you cannot make mistakes and must always attain to be perfect.

12-21-2011, 06:41 PM	#1
HoustonHuny Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: On the Beach Posts: 212 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 144 Thanked 461 Times in 136 Posts Rep Power: 8526085	When the love bug hits me....Everything is negotiable. __________________ HH http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e1...llsmilie13.gif

12-21-2011, 07:03 PM	#2
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	you must know who red skelton is and adore him traditions are important to me and my adult daughter. Honor them and help us create some for you and us speaking of, its a package deal...me and the adult kid, and any grandchildren that might come along. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

12-21-2011, 07:41 PM	#4
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	For myself, I also have a difficult time narrowing something so complex down to just three ticks on a list but these are the really, truly big ones: 1. No abuse. You will not hit me. You will not force me to do things I don't want to do (the occasional making me go out to visit Auntie Maude and Uncle Fester when I really don't feel like leaving the house is okay....). There will be no non-concentual roughness of any kind. This include physical, mental and emotional domains. 2. Mind your addictions. Non-prescription, illegal drugs are not welcome. Neither is excessive drinking. Neither is betting on the ponies. Neither is bedding anyone and/or everyone you meet. The internet is negotiable, as I have a small addiction to it as well. 3. Respect. You will give what you get with me. You give me shit, then that is what you receive. You give me kindness and consideration and respect and tenderness and you shall receive those back in spades. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

12-21-2011, 10:58 PM	#6
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	And....you will tell me when I spell nonconsensual wrong. BEFORE I post. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

12-21-2011, 11:39 PM	#7
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,809 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	1) Integrity 2) The person prefers a stone partner 3) The person consciously works towards being the best self that they can be in all areas of their life (in love, in their work, in their mental health, in their financial choices, in their family relationships, etc.) __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

12-21-2011, 09:03 PM	#5
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	No lying, period. Even if my feelings could be hurt by something, I'd rather have the truth and deal with what it means. Self-sufficiency and an adult- I am not a Daddy (no negative judgement of others in alternative types of relationships, this is just not for me). Self-examined and aware that our actions do effect others- guess this is about not being entitled and unaware of others around us. Have to add that I can't be with someone that drinks a lot. And I don't know if I would do well with a recovering alcoholic or other substance abuser to be honest. Hummm... as an older person, I find that there are many things I just won't deal with that I may have in the past. Love and partnership is a wonderful thing, but I just don't have the same need for a relationship as I did earlier in my life. Maybe it is just that relationship variables have just changed as I have aged and I am used to and like living on my own. The last LTR (6 years, prior one 21 years), I did not live with my partner and it worked well for both of us. Although, we lived about 20 minutes from one another.

01-03-2012, 04:51 PM	#8
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	[QUOTE=Gemme;490285]My friend, if there are many out there who think this way, I am doomed. It's the curse of the Gemini to feel everything a different way at different times. It's the built in flibbertygibbet in us. [quote] Lmao@ "flibbertygibbet"... (and I know what you mean- I think that's dif than what I was thinking so no worries lol ) __________________ .......... In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

01-03-2012, 05:42 PM	#9
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	subject to change with notice... So three non-negotiables in a relationship (of the this is serious type)... 1. Have a deep understanding of what it means to be a parent and a clearly choose to be in a relationship with someone that is a parent. This includes loving the kiddo, me, sharing a common perspective about how I parent, respecting how I parent. And pretty much be over your need to sleep in for a while. 2. Possess the capacity for forgiveness. For yourself, others, etc. I will endeavor to make it right, but I won't get it right the first time always. Forgiveness includes openness for me. 3. Passion... for your goals, for "us", what you want, what we are defining together, sex. Passion can ebb and flow but underlying there is a desire to be on life's journey.