Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

imperfect_cupcake · 12-25-2011, 01:47 AM

this is a hard question. especially now that my marriage is over due to betrayal. I miss her family, it's the only one I've got over here. I miss my boys (the cats) and I miss the house. I@m seething angry at what she did. But I also know that she is kind and generous to her friends. I married her for a very good reason. If she can ever get round to admitting she was wrong, what she did was wrong, understanding what her behaviour has done to not only me but her family, my family, our little household, our mutual friends (they are heart broken and shocked and very upset) - if she can be big enough to face up to it, own it and understand the full impact of her behaviour and apologise for it, then when she is no longer with the person she left with, I can be friends. And I would like to be. But not until those things happen. I still care for her very much but I need to know she can own her shit before a friendship can happen.

PumaJ · 01-03-2012, 09:47 PM

I have three exes with whom I'm still friends. One I've been good friends with for at least 35 yrs, one for 15 or 16 yrs, the last for about 9 yrs.

Even an ex I felt the betrayed by I stayed friends with, after a period of healing time, for several years until her chronic health condition got the best of her.

There are about three exes with whom I have zero contact because the relationships turned so ugly & the endings were so awful that healing was impossible.

01-03-2012, 09:47 PM	#2
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 500 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652642	I have three exes with whom I'm still friends. One I've been good friends with for at least 35 yrs, one for 15 or 16 yrs, the last for about 9 yrs. Even an ex I felt the betrayed by I stayed friends with, after a period of healing time, for several years until her chronic health condition got the best of her. There are about three exes with whom I have zero contact because the relationships turned so ugly & the endings were so awful that healing was impossible. __________________ PumaJ

12-25-2011, 01:47 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	this is a hard question. especially now that my marriage is over due to betrayal. I miss her family, it's the only one I've got over here. I miss my boys (the cats) and I miss the house. I@m seething angry at what she did. But I also know that she is kind and generous to her friends. I married her for a very good reason. If she can ever get round to admitting she was wrong, what she did was wrong, understanding what her behaviour has done to not only me but her family, my family, our little household, our mutual friends (they are heart broken and shocked and very upset) - if she can be big enough to face up to it, own it and understand the full impact of her behaviour and apologise for it, then when she is no longer with the person she left with, I can be friends. And I would like to be. But not until those things happen. I still care for her very much but I need to know she can own her shit before a friendship can happen.