I don't think she's out there

[Strappie]

First off.. I truly believe there IS someone for everyone.

This is just the way I think, my 2 cents.....

I do think there is someone out there for you. But in this time in your life you are putting too much into it or thinking about it too much. When you say you might be alone for the rest of your life, this to me is you feeling sorry for yourself. It's being negative in your thinking. When we continue to have negative words/thoughts then that is what is going to happen. I believe in thinking positive because when you do, things become more positive.

Being single is a time to heal and reflect and regain self worth. It's not a bad thing!!

I know this all too well. I was single for over 6 years. It felt as though I would never find someone. I realized I was depressed and negative towards my thoughts about myself and about having a relationship. It wasn't until I truly believed (again) in myself that I could open my heart up again and allow someone in. I have found someone that I truly adore. We are still in the dating stages. Even if things don't work out to were we can be together I know I have given this relationship everything I can give. I will have NO regrets and the things it has taught me so far, I will not take for granted and use them to move forward.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Be positive get rid of the negative! Things will happen when you are truly ready to let them happen....

good luck to you.. you will find love again.. just don't settle for anything but the right one!!

[midwest chick]

She's out there...

Waiting to see you laughing over coffee,

Watching you smile at work,

Seeing how much fun you are having with your friends,

Watching you dance,


She's waiting on you---to be happy with yourself, active in your life and comfortable with your friends--then she's going to come out of nowhere.
She's more attracted to you when you're smiling, confident, and secure in
yourself. She wants this to have a great start, and is waiting for timing to be
better.

She's been looking for you, too.

[princessbelle]

Honey,

I don't know you but my heart really goes out to you. We have, or at least many have, been there done that, way more than once actually.

I am glad you have your cat. One of the saddest times in my life, i got my puppy Bella. That dog literally saved my life. Kissed away many tears and helped fill a big empty bed. Her snoring like a 400 pound human helped a little too. lol. Embrace that sweet cat of yours.

Hold true to your values.
Hold true to your heart.
Hold true to your desire to be the wonderful person that i'm sure you are.

Don't settle. Make a list of your perfect someone. Make sure you don't steer from that list.

Life is short. Embrace everyday. Be happy everyday, no matter if you are single or not. Love many people, even if they are just friends. I love many friends very deeply, it is possible to have deep and loving relationships with friends.

I believe in fairy tale endings. I believed in mine and it came true.

I also believe in yours.

Peace.

[fever]

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

[tazz]

[QUOTE=fever;492551]letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

***i very much agree with this statistic... i'm a realist. and this is a very realitic point of view.

[kittygrrl]

What you're feeling isn't unique..Everyone feels like this intermittently throughout our lives because it's in our dna to bond..it's hard to make peace with something that is very persistent..but if it's meant to be, it will happen..meanwhile as Snow said you are not dead there are all kinds of "things" you can find to amuse yourself..just be open to life, stay sweet and positive..Work on doing somethings that interest and excite you..

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by fever

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

**note to self...crash femme tea party** Am just a hop, skip and a jump over the border

[fever]

Scuba, come on up! You are too funny. It will be the femmes hopping and skipping should you arrive, especially if you are on that motorcycle.

You have no idea what potential you have about the 49th!

You made me smile tonight. How was your Christmas party? Pictures???

oops, off topic. Gemini trait.

ciao,
Candice

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

Originally Posted by tapu

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

I have to agree with tapu....perfection does not exist. When we get so focused on finding THE "one" with the exact characteristics that we seek, we lose sight of a lot of other folks who are wonderful, whether they wind up partners or not.

I do think you should keep some major things in mind....for example, for me those might be a Stone Butch or TG Daddy who likes X, Y and Z....and put it out into the Universe. Write it down and burn it if it helps. Let someone else take care of it, as this stuff tends to drive us to the brink of insanity.

In the meantime, you be the best you that you can be. Positivity brings positivity. Negativity brings trouble.

[TickledPink]

Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.

[fever]

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[T-lee]

I totally understand how you feel. There are times I feel just that way. Yet there ae times when I can look back on what has not worked for me and see just whatI have learned along the way. If its something I learned that I dont want are something I believe I want more, but no matter what I have learned and grown from it all. Still believe deep down that there is someone for each of us out there. When ever the time is right it happens for us, just know there is a reason it has not happened yet. Till then enjoy what life is to bring us along the way.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by fever

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

That's another thing - so many butches seem to live in the far suburbs like Langley, Abbotsford, Chilliwack, or even Squamish. What's an intown femme to do?

A femme tea does sound like fun, though.

A femme tea sounds like fun!

[tazz]

[QUOTE=lettertodaddy;492699]OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.


***lettertodaddy... so is SF/Oakland for that matter! i'm right there beside you in this.
for me, the bay area has become soooo big that it is really often difficult to find true friends.
i have the same amount of friends as you, and only two are queer and coupled off. the other is actually moving to Minnesota first week of Jan. and wants me to move there too.

you may have to go outside your "comfort zone" and city to find more of a community.

it's tough... but Not impossible. hang in there... and eventually things will come around full circle.

[Kobi]

I'm with Tapu and Gemme on this one. Perfection, to me, is seeking an image, a persona, a caricature, a fantasy rather than an actual person. The internet makes it easy to hold to this search for "perfection" all over the world.

I care most about who someone is, not the personas I commonly find. And, I find it takes a heck of a lot of work to get past the persona to find the real person hidden underneath.

And, as a butch, I find there are many of us out there. In our shallow moments, we might expound on our fantasy femmes. But when the macha shit wears off, there is a certain kind of person we are looking for.

Packaging might get my attention but it is the present inside that is going to keep it.

[*Anya*]

I have nothing new to add on the pursuit of perfection. It is illusory and does not exist for any of us. If I am an imperfect human, how could I possibily expect perfection in another? It is a set-up for failure.

I was depressed and sad for a long time. The thing with depression is that it is an endless loop that begins to feel like all is hopeless. The more hopeless one feels, the more isolative I became. How could I possibly meet anyone if I risked nothing? Not possible.

The passing of the years finally got to me. I realized that I just had to take action myself! I had to put myself out there, get active on the Planet, join a lesbian dating site-go out on dates, just for the experience, gain confidence in myself again-even if no chemistry, I met some nice butches; the better I felt, the more I smiled at strangers and surprise of surprise- they smiled back (including a cute butch where I work, who did a double-take when I smiled at her and smiled back really big).

My point is that special butch really will not knock on the door without risking yourself. They are out there. The better I felt, the more they came to me! Funny how that works.

I realized that I have choices for how to be. I chose to have a life, to take some risks with my heart, I chose to be happy and to believe that love is on my horizon and is getting closer by the day...so close that I can almost reach out and touch it...

Never, ever, give up!

[JustJo]

Hey letter...I can completely relate. I don't need perfect as in flawless....but I do need "perfect for me".....and sometimes that feels like an impossibility.

In a weird way I'm lucky...I was dwelling in the same feeling...and got my butt kicked out of it by more pressing problems in my life.

Now, any butch who's interested is going to have to hang around and wait...and I don't know how long...or pitch in and help...because I have more critical things to do.

Wishing you all the best.

[Liam]

Every time I have entertained the notion that "she is not out there," I haven't had to dig too deep to realise that my fear is doing the talking, and that I'm afraid she isn't out there, which is totally different from she isn't out there. I'm not saying that is true for you, but it might be something to think about, if you already haven't. I wish you the best of luck in maintaining your hope.

[nycbutch]

Originally Posted by fever

What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

SINGLE AVAILABLE BUTCH HERE!!! checking on flights to Canada

Letter....like most people here have been saying, don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up on love. You seem like a very sweet lady, and I'm sure some lucky butch is out there ready to sweep you off your feet!!!

Jay

[LesboNascarFan]

Single butch here too.

There have been a lot of nice informative replies to the original post.

I, too, am finding myself again (after 14 year relationship) and am just taking it one day at a time.

Hang in there!