I don't think she's out there

[midwest chick]

She's out there...

Waiting to see you laughing over coffee,

Watching you smile at work,

Seeing how much fun you are having with your friends,

Watching you dance,


She's waiting on you---to be happy with yourself, active in your life and comfortable with your friends--then she's going to come out of nowhere.
She's more attracted to you when you're smiling, confident, and secure in
yourself. She wants this to have a great start, and is waiting for timing to be
better.

She's been looking for you, too.

[princessbelle]

Honey,

I don't know you but my heart really goes out to you. We have, or at least many have, been there done that, way more than once actually.

I am glad you have your cat. One of the saddest times in my life, i got my puppy Bella. That dog literally saved my life. Kissed away many tears and helped fill a big empty bed. Her snoring like a 400 pound human helped a little too. lol. Embrace that sweet cat of yours.

Hold true to your values.
Hold true to your heart.
Hold true to your desire to be the wonderful person that i'm sure you are.

Don't settle. Make a list of your perfect someone. Make sure you don't steer from that list.

Life is short. Embrace everyday. Be happy everyday, no matter if you are single or not. Love many people, even if they are just friends. I love many friends very deeply, it is possible to have deep and loving relationships with friends.

I believe in fairy tale endings. I believed in mine and it came true.

I also believe in yours.

Peace.

[fever]

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

[tazz]

[QUOTE=fever;492551]letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

***i very much agree with this statistic... i'm a realist. and this is a very realitic point of view.

[kittygrrl]

What you're feeling isn't unique..Everyone feels like this intermittently throughout our lives because it's in our dna to bond..it's hard to make peace with something that is very persistent..but if it's meant to be, it will happen..meanwhile as Snow said you are not dead there are all kinds of "things" you can find to amuse yourself..just be open to life, stay sweet and positive..Work on doing somethings that interest and excite you..

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by fever

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

**note to self...crash femme tea party** Am just a hop, skip and a jump over the border

[fever]

Scuba, come on up! You are too funny. It will be the femmes hopping and skipping should you arrive, especially if you are on that motorcycle.

You have no idea what potential you have about the 49th!

You made me smile tonight. How was your Christmas party? Pictures???

oops, off topic. Gemini trait.

ciao,
Candice

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

Originally Posted by tapu

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

I have to agree with tapu....perfection does not exist. When we get so focused on finding THE "one" with the exact characteristics that we seek, we lose sight of a lot of other folks who are wonderful, whether they wind up partners or not.

I do think you should keep some major things in mind....for example, for me those might be a Stone Butch or TG Daddy who likes X, Y and Z....and put it out into the Universe. Write it down and burn it if it helps. Let someone else take care of it, as this stuff tends to drive us to the brink of insanity.

In the meantime, you be the best you that you can be. Positivity brings positivity. Negativity brings trouble.

[TickledPink]

Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.

That is SO TRUE.

Mind you, I only lived in Vancouver for a year. But in that year I made exactly 3 friends who I hung out with - and 9 years later (I moved back to Ontario 9 years ago) I am only in touch with 1 of them and the other 2 I have no idea where they're at.

You should consider moving to Toronto. I know it's very "Toronto" to talk about how awesome Toronto is...but it just freaking is. I had an incredibly easy time meeting and getting to know people and always felt loved on and included. I used to joke that no homa (homa is what I call female queers) could leave their apartment without alerting 50 of their closest friends first. Friendly folks, Torontonians.

(I am not trying to be pithy, by the way...but being single kind of rocks. At least I remember it that way. I sure did like being able to do whatever I felt like doing without having to take another person's feelings/wants/needs into consideration.)

[Virago]

Wow. A beautiful thread filled with real emotions. And brave posts. I bow and send much respect to all of you.

I have had an 'active' love life in my years, but no- I have not yet found 'The One' for life. But all the women I've been involved with have brought me closer to her whoever she might be.

And none of those women were a waste of time. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn something we need to learn. And all of them have helped me learn something about myself so I thank them deeply and love them for that.

Have I felt sorry for myself over the years? Oh yes. But like many of you have already said, I do believe that happiness is a choice. I had a lot of tragedy back in my young adulthood life and spent years depressed until I asked myself (in my best Dr. Phil voice), 'How's that workin' for ya?" Well, it wasn't. I started looking at the people I respected and felt jealous towards....and made a decision to alter my thoughts and aim for happiness. It didn't come easy and took a few years, but I can honestly say that I am a happy person now. Single...and happy.

And I have a clearer thought of who I am looking for. Letter, here's the best advice I can give. You can't stop yourself from being depressed over this overnight so don't try. But do also try to start increasing the time you spend on thinking positively about yourself. In other words, always strive to become the person you're proud to be. That will attract the right person.

And in the meantime, it will also attract friends who you will feel blessed to have in your life. I recently lost a cousin who felt like a failure because she never made a relationship work. At her memorial in Berkeley close to 300 people showed up. Most of them saying how she altered their lives and added so much to their lives. She was lucky-the month before she died most of those people came to visit her and told her in person. Before she died she came to realize how successful she was. How lucky we would all be if we held that thought during our active lives and not on our deathbeds?

And so...................for the next 20 seconds after reading this let's all give thanks for all that we have!
1,2,3,4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Ok, rest. You can feel sorry again. we don't want to go too fast with this. lol

But if you do that enough, trust me, it will increase and become real.

And in the meantime, we're here for you. And with you

[fever]

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by fever

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

There ya go Seattle has butches!!!

See she's out there!!

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by fever

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

I've met Fever and can vouch for her beauty and kind, kind spirit!! And her hot, HOT cleavage! You all shall have a blast together!

[Virago]

Photos!
The rest of us will want photos of this get-together!!

Letter put a desire out to the universe and got this response. We don't always get what we want, but we usually get what we need.
Have a great time!

Originally Posted by fever

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[T-lee]

I totally understand how you feel. There are times I feel just that way. Yet there ae times when I can look back on what has not worked for me and see just whatI have learned along the way. If its something I learned that I dont want are something I believe I want more, but no matter what I have learned and grown from it all. Still believe deep down that there is someone for each of us out there. When ever the time is right it happens for us, just know there is a reason it has not happened yet. Till then enjoy what life is to bring us along the way.

[4everlonelyfemme]

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by fever

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

That's another thing - so many butches seem to live in the far suburbs like Langley, Abbotsford, Chilliwack, or even Squamish. What's an intown femme to do?

A femme tea does sound like fun, though.

A femme tea sounds like fun!

[tazz]

[QUOTE=lettertodaddy;492699]OMG. YES. And I realize I'm typing in all caps but YES. THIS.

I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.


***lettertodaddy... so is SF/Oakland for that matter! i'm right there beside you in this.
for me, the bay area has become soooo big that it is really often difficult to find true friends.
i have the same amount of friends as you, and only two are queer and coupled off. the other is actually moving to Minnesota first week of Jan. and wants me to move there too.

you may have to go outside your "comfort zone" and city to find more of a community.

it's tough... but Not impossible. hang in there... and eventually things will come around full circle.

[Kobi]

I'm with Tapu and Gemme on this one. Perfection, to me, is seeking an image, a persona, a caricature, a fantasy rather than an actual person. The internet makes it easy to hold to this search for "perfection" all over the world.

I care most about who someone is, not the personas I commonly find. And, I find it takes a heck of a lot of work to get past the persona to find the real person hidden underneath.

And, as a butch, I find there are many of us out there. In our shallow moments, we might expound on our fantasy femmes. But when the macha shit wears off, there is a certain kind of person we are looking for.

Packaging might get my attention but it is the present inside that is going to keep it.