For those who self-injurer

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by alex k

I've cut since i was about fourteen. Always when the anger and pain and frustration inside me got too much to cope with and i had to lash out somehow and it was easier to cut myself than hurt someone else. Last year i scared myself tho when a cut went way too deep and i ended up with stitches then a daily dressing change for weeks. My greatest help for the last few years has been having a partner who doesn't judge doesn't moan at me but is always there with dressings cream and love. And to be honest i went to the doctor in september to discuss the possibility of me having G.I.D. SInce then, now its all out in the open and hopefully something is going to happen, although I've been low and been angry I've managed to control the need to cut. If only I'd done something about this twenty years ago i could have saved myself a lot of scars

Your certainly not alone alex, and I am very glad that you posted here with us

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

When I am extremely stressed I pull my eyelashes out, and sometimes I hit myself in the head.

Yeay.

I've done the pulling out of My eyelashes many times too, so I know exactly how that can be hun but your not alone *hugs*

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

"On my once smooth skin lies a map of pain and fear..." - so goes the opening line of an angsty poem I wrote many years ago.

I used to cut and have since healed the internal wounds that caused me to injure myself on the outside. I will always be a work in progress but I am proud of myself today and like who I see in the mirror. It IS possible to heal, grow, and change. The keys for me have always been to retain at least some small measure of hope, and to be willing to keep picking myself up again and again, however many times necessary. There ARE amazing rewards and it is worth the blood, sweat, and tears.

There is an organization called 'To Write Love On Her Arms' that inspired a pic I posted in the gallery. See photo info. for a link to the site.

Thank you for posting this for us Ms. Meander. It takes alot of courage, strength and determination to stop cutting especially when it seems like there is no hope. Your post is inspiring and gives the rest of us hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel

Originally Posted by Jeep

Since I'm in my tired-half-drunk-can't-fall-asleep mode I figured I'd spill it.. Been cutting for a little over 9 years, and recently discovered the burning aspect of SI.
I've been single for 4 1/2 years since the last person I dated was apalled when she saw me in a tank top. Both of my arms and most of my chest are covered in solid scar tissue and I have some nasty ones on both thighs.
Sometimes I get so angry and/or hurt I just cant keep it inside anymore and I have to let it out somehow.
Since my friends are all the type of people who believe you can make your liife all sunshine and rainbows just by thinking about it, I can't turn to them. I once called my closest friend to try to talk to her and she just laughed.
I hate being around people because all the places I go, I'm the only one who's single. And sincce I'm not very good at making friends I tend to hang around the ones I do have. Besides, having 3 jobs is not conducive to an active social life.
I cannot say no to people. I already had 2 jobs and I agreed to a 3rd because I felt like I owed it to my neighbor. He has been very kind and gone out of his way for me in the past, so I agreed to drive his wife to the Dr. every day. My other jobs the hours are flexible but I am not accomplishing as much as I was because I can't be there as long as I was before I had to take her.

I'm terribly sorry. I've started rambling.. I think I'm gonna go look at the stars for a while and quit buggin ya'll.

You could never bug us Jeep; this thread is meant for everyone who self-injures, and plus rambling (or ranting) is good for us ........... come back anytime

Originally Posted by Liquefaction

Jeep... I understand the need to keep to yourself. I just lost a very dear friendship because of my cutting.

Just know that there are people out here that understand.

It sucks that you lost your friend Lique, but that just means that another friend is around the corner waiting for you

[Liquefaction]

Thanks Braedon! Even though I miss the friendship I know my "Truth" is just too much for some and that's OK. I love them just the same....from a distance!

[Leigh]

You have new friends here Lique, and we understand what your going through

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am going to see my friend at my nieces shower next week (as long as it doesn't snow). It will be interesting to see how far along she has come with her disease. I have to say I am a bit nervous. I am not sure of what to say, but will try to make an effort.

[Apocalipstic]

How crazy is it that until the past few months, I had no idea that pulling my eyelashes out or hitting myself in the head was bad.

When I was a kid, I used to shock myself on purpose and I do get that electric shock can be bad, but it actually never occurred to me that pulling out my eyelashes meant something....that slamming the phone into my head over and over might hurt me. Or that rocking and hitting my head on the wall over and over might mean I had something going on.

I never told any of my therapists or psychiatrists until I started Brain Spotting Therapy maybe 3 months ago, now it seems more clear.

Best to all of you!

I wish for each of you friends who stand by you no matter what! I have to say that I am very very lucky in that regard. No, I have not told them all, but those who do know seem supportive and those who don't are aware that I have meltdowns and disappear from time to time. Those who do not understand, I don't hang with any more.

[Dragonfly]

I want to open up and share my experiences here. I know its hard enough to finally publically post myself in solidarity. I just want to stop being afraid of being shunned again.

The worst thing about being "caught" my freshman year was how everyone in school found out why I was hospitalized by a unimformed big mouthed teacher. My "suicide attempt" it was called was misunderstood back in 1990. I was a cutter. I self injured in a multitude of ways, including starvation (anorexia) It was difficult to treat me when they couldn't understand why I was telling them I wasn't attempting to die. Not that I wasn't inheriently suicidal too... It wasn't the treatment that I was most harmed by, they were helpful and got me started towards handling my ptsd and the basic groundwork. It was my peers, my community, the people who had once secretly shared similar feelings/experiences that seemed to avoid me publically in a group shunning. Them also in fear of "standing in solidarity" and being shunned themselves. I wasn't the only one who had pain and traumas and standing alone when my private pain was made public was even more painful.

Just wanted to say I am standing with you guys and facing my fears.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I saw my friend. She has been in rehab. for drug addiction. It is really ashame. It is like she goes from one extreme to another. Her arms were covered. And she wore a turtleneck top. I really was uptight, and wasn't sure of what to do or say. She was really good at talking, but it was just small talk. Her husband was a nice guy, but somewhat of a geek. He didn't seem to be much on the ball. I think she married him to just be married.