I wish there was a support group for lesbian partners of FTM

[The_Lady_Snow]

Well I believe as long as it's not trans phobic and your partner is cool with it then here is a pretty safe space (mind you it's the worl wide webz) to discuss or ask others who fuck date own or are partnered with a fella..



Or you could do a blog or start a private chat or live journal about things

[iamkeri1]

Q
I have many years experience partnering with FTM's and I consider myself to be a lesbian. Please feel free to contact me by email if this forum seems too public.
Smooches,
Keri
PS I would also be interested in being part of any "group" that grows out of your thread, as long as we don't refer to ourselves as SOFFAs. I ain't no F***ing couch!

[1ladyface]

I only dated butch women until my last partner who was FTM identified and well into transition. It took some adjustment on my part! And his as well since he had only dated straight girls and I was initially resistant to giving up my lesbian id. I now consider myself a queer femme, which is more accurate for where i'm at now. There were also little assumptions on both sides and small...cultural differences between the queer culture I was used to and the straight dating world he was accustomed to. And the invisibility of our queerness that came with dating a passing person was a HUGE shift for me. Yeah, there was a lot to deal with.

Anyway, I'm excited to have stumbled upon this thread! I'm curious to hear what other peoples experiences have been. What's coming up for you ms. thread starter? (sorry, I should have copied the name of the person who started this thread...)

And what the heck is a SOFFA? It sounds like an Ikea couch with plastic legs.

[Quintease]

My story was a bit different to that, in that I had dated all types of women, yet they were all female-identified (bar one who was early transition). I remember telling someone once that while I was attracted to FTM's, I wouldn't be able to date one as I am a lesbian.

Well. Obviously I am married to one now. It was difficult, I was 100% gay and most of his girlfriends were bi or queer identified. I still consider myself gay, yet accept that to the wider world I have turned my back on such things. Socially it's been awkward as well, as my social circle is nearly entirely gay and I don't feel comfortable in straight bars. Luckily for me he's comfortable 'outing' himself to gayers and gayers seem to accept him into the fold as soon as they know he's not cisgendered (until recently). Obviously if it's a women-only event I leave him at home.

The biggest shock I guess have been the straight people around me. They are all so happy that I am married to a man, my mother (who knows about his gender) has covered a wall in her house with photos of our wedding! My straight friends were never much interested in my ex-partners, but fell over themselves to meet him. Perhaps it's the novelty of me being with a man, who knows.

The first I knew of SOFFA was when the husband told me. He said 'Look up Soffa online' and I was like 'What? Look up what? Sofa? Are you kidding?' I think it means something but what I don't know ???

[iamkeri1]

Originally Posted by Quintease

The first I knew of SOFFA was when the husband told me. He said 'Look up Soffa online' and I was like 'What? Look up what? Sofa? Are you kidding?' I think it means something but what I don't know ???

SO = significant other
F = friends
F = family
A = allies

= total yuck as an acronym (IMHO)