Lessons Learned: Would You or Would You Not.....

LaneyDoll · 01-12-2012, 09:44 AM

My answer would depend on the parties involved. If a close, trusted friend were to ask the question, they are more likely to get an in-depth answer. If the asker was someone I barely knew or someone I am unsure of, they are going to get factual answers only.

Most of the people I interact with are in my lifestyle community. Since I am probably considered to be a leader in this community, I have to often stay neutral/unbiased etc. My reputation took years to earn and I will not throw it away on anything that could be perceived as gossip.

Honey · 01-12-2012, 11:07 AM

I think too we must ask of ourselves and others- Is this who that person IS .or is this who that person is with ME. Also, ppl change over time...I know I am not the same person today that I was 10 yrs ago...ppl change , learn, process and evolve...If they are doing it correctly.....

starryeyes · 01-12-2012, 11:41 AM

Refrain!! Make your own assumptions. Everyone has different perspectives. I have heard crap about people before I met them, and they ended up being amazing folks!

But! If you hear they might be dangerous or something like that... I would look into it.

Nat · 01-12-2012, 01:11 PM

Recently a friend sent me a Facebook message asking if an ex of mine was "safe" because she was meeting him for lunch after meeting him through my Facebook. I have thought they would be a great match for some time but a mutual friend mentioned this woman tears men to shreds. And so I responded - "way safer than you! But seriously I'm not sure what your definition of "safe" is, but he won't rape or kill you or anything and he's a pretty good conversationalist."

She found this funny and said he was a "sweetie" but I think it might have been a one time meeting, alas. They really would make an excellent couple.

I will talk people up, but I'm really trying not to speak badly about people or share info that's not mine to share.

The older I get the more I realize we all have flaws, and even if I have had a bad experience with a person, that doesn't mean another person would. When I was single, I was warned about pretty much every person I flirted with by some person or other, and most of those warnings never applied. The warnings I should have heeded were the ones who warned me about themselves.

For people I consider premeditatedly predatory, I prefer not to speak about them either. Besides, anybody with healthy boundaries and google can find a list of red flags and be willing to utilize it.

Sachita · 01-12-2012, 02:14 PM

OMG I deal with this all the time! My son and the baby mama who is like my daughter. But I flat out tell them both (or anyone else in the same situation) I will listen, offer my opinion but I don't get involved by exchanging information. I make it very clear that I will not be in the middle and the first sign of drama my ass becomes distant until the work it out.

The ONLY time I engage in any kind of gossip is with a very close girlfriend and that's just how we roll. There are very few people in my life I'll carry on this way. I'm all about girl code. If someone breaks up, a couple and they were both friends I must always take girlfriends side. I am friendly with the other just at an arm's distance. I would never hook up, flirt or be with a girlfriends ex no matter how many years they were apart. Girlfriend code is sacred to me.

chefhmboyrd · 01-12-2012, 04:30 PM

as long as you are being forthright and truly have someone's best interest in mind, one should refrain from any overtly negative comments. When in doubt, bow out. Something like, " i don't know much about them" which is usually true, will suffice in any situation.

@

Hi Ya'll

Apocalipstic · 01-12-2012, 11:41 AM

In our community it is important that we be able to ask for references or know that someone is who they say they are. I think being able to ask a few questions and get references is a way to stay safe.

Beyond that, I agree that we all have different interactions with different people and react really differently to different people. Also, as humans we grow and change. Just because someone used to drink a lot, or used to be a jerk does not mean they still are...or that they will be a jerk to you.

People act really differently when they are having all their buttons pushed. I myself act really differently depending on how I am treated. We ALL do.

So I would answer the question but make sure they know that it's my opinion and reaction to this person, and that their experience might be different.

(shhhhhh!!!! Strappie has an icing addiction shhhhhhh!!!! gossip alert)

View Poll Results: flip a qoin?
yes....	8	14.81%
no....	6	11.11%
depends on person /situation	40	74.07%
Voters: 54. You may not vote on this poll

01-12-2012, 09:44 AM	#1
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My answer would depend on the parties involved. If a close, trusted friend were to ask the question, they are more likely to get an in-depth answer. If the asker was someone I barely knew or someone I am unsure of, they are going to get factual answers only. Most of the people I interact with are in my lifestyle community. Since I am probably considered to be a leader in this community, I have to often stay neutral/unbiased etc. My reputation took years to earn and I will not throw it away on anything that could be perceived as gossip. __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

01-12-2012, 11:41 AM	#3
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,050 Times in 2,076 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Refrain!! Make your own assumptions. Everyone has different perspectives. I have heard crap about people before I met them, and they ended up being amazing folks! But! If you hear they might be dangerous or something like that... I would look into it. __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

01-12-2012, 01:11 PM	#4
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,967 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Recently a friend sent me a Facebook message asking if an ex of mine was "safe" because she was meeting him for lunch after meeting him through my Facebook. I have thought they would be a great match for some time but a mutual friend mentioned this woman tears men to shreds. And so I responded - "way safer than you! But seriously I'm not sure what your definition of "safe" is, but he won't rape or kill you or anything and he's a pretty good conversationalist." She found this funny and said he was a "sweetie" but I think it might have been a one time meeting, alas. They really would make an excellent couple. I will talk people up, but I'm really trying not to speak badly about people or share info that's not mine to share. The older I get the more I realize we all have flaws, and even if I have had a bad experience with a person, that doesn't mean another person would. When I was single, I was warned about pretty much every person I flirted with by some person or other, and most of those warnings never applied. The warnings I should have heeded were the ones who warned me about themselves. For people I consider premeditatedly predatory, I prefer not to speak about them either. Besides, anybody with healthy boundaries and google can find a list of red flags and be willing to utilize it. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

01-12-2012, 02:14 PM	#5
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	OMG I deal with this all the time! My son and the baby mama who is like my daughter. But I flat out tell them both (or anyone else in the same situation) I will listen, offer my opinion but I don't get involved by exchanging information. I make it very clear that I will not be in the middle and the first sign of drama my ass becomes distant until the work it out. The ONLY time I engage in any kind of gossip is with a very close girlfriend and that's just how we roll. There are very few people in my life I'll carry on this way. I'm all about girl code. If someone breaks up, a couple and they were both friends I must always take girlfriends side. I am friendly with the other just at an arm's distance. I would never hook up, flirt or be with a girlfriends ex no matter how many years they were apart. Girlfriend code is sacred to me. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

01-12-2012, 11:07 AM	#2
Honey Member How Do You Identify?: big femme heart..... in a tight girlie package Preferred Pronoun?: just call me Honey Relationship Status: Playin' 4 keeps with Tomboi1982 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New England Posts: 306 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 316 Thanked 613 Times in 184 Posts Rep Power: 10762767	I think too we must ask of ourselves and others- Is this who that person IS .or is this who that person is with ME. Also, ppl change over time...I know I am not the same person today that I was 10 yrs ago...ppl change , learn, process and evolve...If they are doing it correctly.....

01-12-2012, 04:30 PM	#6
chefhmboyrd Senior Member How Do You Identify?: man Preferred Pronoun?: beef Relationship Status: Uncle Daddy Snap Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: nashvegas Posts: 1,607 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,411 Thanked 2,846 Times in 898 Posts Rep Power: 14271905	honesty...... as long as you are being forthright and truly have someone's best interest in mind, one should refrain from any overtly negative comments. When in doubt, bow out. Something like, " i don't know much about them" which is usually true, will suffice in any situation. @ Hi Ya'll __________________ what's a cowboy got to do to get a drink around here?

01-12-2012, 11:41 AM	#7
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	In our community it is important that we be able to ask for references or know that someone is who they say they are. I think being able to ask a few questions and get references is a way to stay safe. Beyond that, I agree that we all have different interactions with different people and react really differently to different people. Also, as humans we grow and change. Just because someone used to drink a lot, or used to be a jerk does not mean they still are...or that they will be a jerk to you. People act really differently when they are having all their buttons pushed. I myself act really differently depending on how I am treated. We ALL do. So I would answer the question but make sure they know that it's my opinion and reaction to this person, and that their experience might be different. (shhhhhh!!!! Strappie has an icing addiction shhhhhhh!!!! gossip alert) __________________