The Art of Online Communication

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Linus

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

No.

Thumpings are usually well deserved and I don't take them personally or get my feelings hurt.

I always go back and look.

[Kimbo]

Originally Posted by Linus

I decided to bump this thread because I have a question for some:

If you go into a thread and get "thumped" (whether by a mod or another user), does it bother you enough to leave a site? If so, why?

If not, do you decide to not go back into that thread ever or return later to check it out?

I try to be good and not get thumped by moderators, I do well with self moderation, however I have been thumped by other members. It does not bother me enough to leave a site. For the most part I respect those who have thumped me for their knowledge, point of view and passion. I am of the opinion we can have varied points of views and still get along, respect each other and be in the same community.

What does bother me and makes me feel like leaving is the tone of some posts. I know this is how some speak or come across, tone will deter me.

I have left some threads and never returned and others I've gone back, reread and, most often, gathered more food for thought.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by Semantics

No.

Thumpings are usually well deserved and I don't take them personally or get my feelings hurt.

I always go back and look.

Originally Posted by Kimbo

I try to be good and not get thumped by moderators, I do well with self moderation, however I have been thumped by other members. It does not bother me enough to leave a site. For the most part I respect those who have thumped me for their knowledge, point of view and passion. I am of the opinion we can have varied points of views and still get along, respect each other and be in the same community.

What does bother me and makes me feel like leaving is the tone of some posts. I know this is how some speak or come across, tone will deter me.

I have left some threads and never returned and others I've gone back, reread and, most often, gathered more food for thought.

I completely, utterly agree. Thanks Semantics and Kimbo, for beating me to it... tone is a serious determent for me, especially if it's an angry, resentful, "better than thou", or an obvious strike to derail. If I were to get thumped by the mods... than that means maybe my tone was offensive to others and I need to take a step back? I don't mind being humble and taking my thumping, then minding my manners and thanking those that "thumped me good".

I've recently stayed out of more substantial discussions... for personal reasons only and high stress levels stemming from my previous job... not because of the fear of being moderated or thumped. I recall posting in this thread early on... mostly a ramble about tone of voice and how I should moderate my own online communications, with respect to others.


I got THUMPED from my DSL service last night... right in the middle of posting this response... hope it works now?

[Linus]

Another curiousity:

Do you ever stop "listening" in a thread?

Do you think that you "listen" (and I mean listen, not just read to understand but fully appreciate)?

A behaviour I've noticed is that when two people are presenting opposite views or slightly similar views but described differently, it's almost as if we don't listen to what another says (e.g., "I understand where you're coming from but for me, it was.."). I'm beginning to wonder if this is why we often feel like we're disrespected (whether based on what we say, how we say it or who were are). It creates, to me, a feeling of dismissiveness of others experience (as if the other person's life has no value or meaning).

Granted these are my view of things ... but what do others think?

[julieisafemme]

Thumping is a slippery slope with me. Sometimes I can get too caught up in a thread. I get too emotional or stuck in a circle and I have to leave it. It is an avoidance technique for me.

I do get hurt sometimes. For the most part it does not bother me. The only subject I will not discuss now is religion because that got a little too hurtful and personal for me. That is just self-care on my part and in no way reflects on the discussion or how it was carried out.

As far as not listening? Yeah I totally do and see that. We all have our "schtick" if you will and I see the same phrases and arguments used over and over again. Since I can't truly see myself I would guess I do the same thing. Some people I am not able to "hear" anymore. I would think some people can't hear me either. It is the same in real time as well.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Linus

Another curiousity:

Do you ever stop "listening" in a thread?

Do you think that you "listen" (and I mean listen, not just read to understand but fully appreciate)?

A behaviour I've noticed is that when two people are presenting opposite views or slightly similar views but described differently, it's almost as if we don't listen to what another says (e.g., "I understand where you're coming from but for me, it was.."). I'm beginning to wonder if this is why we often feel like we're disrespected (whether based on what we say, how we say it or who were are). It creates, to me, a feeling of dismissiveness of others experience (as if the other person's life has no value or meaning).

Granted these are my view of things ... but what do others think?

Yes, I do stop listening, really listening, in threads that I feel defensive in. Once I've been attacked or my viewpoint has been attacked, I tend to 'fight fire with fire'. I also stop listening to what is being said when I'm not interested in what is currently going on. I go on auto skim mode until something else peaks my interest. If that doesn't happen after a while, I unsubscribe.

I do try to 'see' what the other person is saying, when I feel that they have something worthwhile to say. I think we'd be lying if we said differently. We all judge everyone else. It's not only how we function but how we survive.

Dark alley, lone guy walking with an odd gait and something under his jacket? Instinct says to pick another alley, right? He may be a deranged fellow who likes to chop people up with the cleaver in his jacket or he might be a gentle and shy guy who has a limp and a cold Chihuahua under his jacket. How many of us would go into that alley and get close enough to find out? Not many I'm sure.

Our beliefs, ideals, faith, thoughts....etc....are part of us. I know that, when I feel as if I am being attacked or dismissed in a thread, I feel as if "I" am being....not my beliefs, ideals, faith or thoughts...attacked or dismissed. It's a hard pill to swallow. I shut off the 'hearing you' part and my inner troups gather and retaliate with 'take that!' or I just shut down or off or both.

We all like to be 'heard'. Sometimes that need overwhelms our desire to see others' viewpoints.

[Linus]

Thanks for the responses. I know that I personally, at times, have stopped listening in some threads but I've learned that when I do that, to try to step back and come back at another time once I've digested things a bit more.


The two of you that did respond (and those perhaps reading) I'm curious if you equate someone disagreeing with a post (let's say that they go through your post point-by-point and address each one individually rather than the post as a whole) as being against you as an individual? Do you ever feel slighted if people are continually on the other side of the fence than you (whatever that fence is)?

[Dude]

Linus,

I was really an ass to you once ( maybe twice? ) when you were talking all computer techy to me.
I was frustrated and sooo lost in your terminology I got snippy ,rude and felt like you were talking down to me.
Anyway , you didnt deserve that and I am truly sorry

and thanks for the horse

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Dude

Linus,

I was really an ass to you once ( maybe twice? ) when you were talking all computer techy to me.
I was frustrated and sooo lost in your terminology I got snippy ,rude and felt like you were talking down to me.
Anyway , you didnt deserve that and I am truly sorry

and thanks for the horse

I appreciate the apology but I'll have to admit that I don't remember (it's something to do with getting old and memory being the 2nd thing to go). And I tend to give people who are in dire tech situations more leeway because I know frustration tends to get the better of us.

Even me at times. Ask Medusa and she'll tell ya.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Linus

The two of you that did respond (and those perhaps reading) I'm curious if you equate someone disagreeing with a post (let's say that they go through your post point-by-point and address each one individually rather than the post as a whole) as being against you as an individual? Do you ever feel slighted if people are continually on the other side of the fence than you (whatever that fence is)?

I actually enjoy being disagreed with, if it's respectful. That's one way to learn and grow as a human being. I do, however, start getting snippy and irritated when it's the same person repeatedly addressing my posts, even if there's really nothing to address (stirring the pot, so to speak). I also get upset if I feel I am explaining myself the best way(s) I can and everyone that posts seems to get it except one person and that person lambasts me over and over for no apparent reason, other than personal gripes.

For me, mostly, it's about the tone and the inflection I interpret in folks' posts. If I feel that someone is being condescending and snotty (without having permission to be snotty to me regularly....an example would be Diva...not that she IS snotty to me but it's something that is allowed in our friendship because we're both quite snarky and sassy at times and sometimes it just works for us) to me, I feel my hackles rise. I don't get too bothered if someone's passionate about something. I'm Italian...I can do passion....but if they are obviously (to me, in my own interpretation) falling fast and furiously off the deep end, the length of my rope shortens significantly.

Honestly, I might get my feelings hurt if I was constantly corrected or rebuked for my beliefs but, unless it was extreme, I wouldn't carry it with me beyond that moment of passing hurt.

[Linus]

I read the following two articles:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/16373...ne_forums.html

http://www.pcworld.com/printable/art...printable.html

And some of it was dead on (particularly the comment about the various types of "idiots" on forums today). I'll admit to be a few of those idiots at one time or another. :P

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Linus

I read the following two articles:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/16373...ne_forums.html

http://www.pcworld.com/printable/art...printable.html

And some of it was dead on (particularly the comment about the various types of "idiots" on forums today). I'll admit to be a few of those idiots at one time or another. :P

Ha! A coworker actually just forwarded the "village idiot" one to me and I admit to having a chuckle over it

[Medusa]

This is one of my personal faves:

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/

It's a listing of "Flame Warriors". Internet personalities that I bet we can identify

Just click the little drop-down box on the right and there is a huge list with some pretty amusing descriptions.

edited to add: It seems that author has employed a large amount of sexism to get his humor across so, just beware ahead of time.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Everyone!

I have no clue as to what thumping is. Never heard that before, Linus.

Yes, I am slow on the pickup of things, but I do recognize the people Medusa. Thank you for the link! I think it's a good site to use. I like to see visuals to connect with an emotion.

Enjoy your day!

[Linus]

LOL. "Thumping", in the BFPlanet world, means a mod has "thumped" you over the head for doing something bad.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Ohhhh. Ok. Got it. I really had no idea. I thought it was the name of a rabbit in a children's book or something.

[Medusa]

Just wanted to bump this thread up:


For anyone who uses Facebook or any other website where you talk to people you don't know, I highly recommend watching the movie "Catfish".

It's a documentary that just came out and I think every single person on this site should have to watch it as a condition of membership