Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by cinderella

Who in their right mind would 'choose' to be gay??!!*

Hell, not me, that's for sure. I would have loved to have been born with blue eyes instead of brown, but it is what it is. I would have preferred to have been born straight, but I wasn't. I just thank God that in spite of all the adversity being gay has brought upon me, I have stood fast in my convictions. I cannot be what I am not.

Cynthia, give me a break!!

*Speaking from a pre-Stonewall days place, when being gay was far from easy - it was down right dangerous! I guess the stigma has never left me...

I think I understand what you are saying. I feel I have the privilege of walking on a different path because of the struggles and sacrifices of those who came before me. What they endured is almost a visceral part of me. And, it just feels to me, that I have the obligation and responsibility to honor the memory of them and what they did.

I wouldnt mind choosing to walk the lesbian path again. I would, however, choose to be born about 30 years later. I expect it would have been a pretty different experience.

I give Cynthia credit for clarifying things. Tho, I am seeing she has the same tripping over words/definitions I usually go thru. Saying she is a bisexual who is choosing to be in a gay relationship seems clearer and has a more accurate feel to it.

I still want to know why she sticks with using "gay" and "homosexual" rather than using "lesbian" tho.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by cinderella

Who in their right mind would 'choose' to be gay??!!*

Hell, not me, that's for sure. I would have loved to have been born with blue eyes instead of brown, but it is what it is. I would have preferred to have been born straight, but I wasn't. I just thank God that in spite of all the adversity being gay has brought upon me, I have stood fast in my convictions. I cannot be what I am not.

Cynthia, give me a break!!

*Speaking from a pre-Stonewall days place, when being gay was far from easy - it was down right dangerous! I guess the stigma has never left me...

Well, I would. I've certainly had to struggle as a consequence of being a lesbian. Yes, I've been discriminated against. Yes, I was very confused at first, but I thank the Goddess on nearly a daily basis that I was born a lesbian.

The biggest reason I would choose to be gay if given the option, is that I don't have to seek partnership from among the available stock of heterosexual men. I'm sure there are plenty of nice straight men. Somewhere. I do know a few, but most of the straight men I work with and meet on a daily basis act like... men. I'm often astonished and baffled by their behaviours. They don't make sense to me, and I sometimes need a translator to explain their motives. Really. Plus, for the last 49 and 1/2 years I've been fighting off threatening, unwanted sexual attention from them. So much so that I've come to expect straight men to act like jerks, and I'm relieved when they don't. I don't hate them, I just expect certain levels of behaviour from them, and they mostly fulfill my expectations.

Why else would I choose to be gay? Because in my protected corner of the world in an artist's community in NYC, I have friends and associations with other gay people who are SUPER cool, that I would otherwise never have made, because we're all members of 'the club'. My extraordinary life would have been a lot more pedestrian had I been just another straight person.

Finally, I'm sooooo relieved that I don't have to worry about being feminine enough to catch a man. I ride and fix motorcycles, and my work as a sculptor is very dirty and physical. I may doubt myself at times, but I have never had a butch woman tell me that they're anything but impressed. Straight men are mostly frightened by a woman like me, which works really well for me as a lesbian, but that would really bum me out if I were interested in them romantically.

YES, I would choose to be a lesbian, and I know quite a few straight women who wish they could make that choice for themselves.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Well, I would. I've certainly had to struggle as a consequence of being a lesbian. Yes, I've been discriminated against. Yes, I was very confused at first, but I thank the Goddess on nearly a daily basis that I was born a lesbian.

The biggest reason I would choose to be gay if given the option, is that I don't have to seek partnership from among the available stock of heterosexual men. I'm sure there are plenty of nice straight men. Somewhere. I do know a few, but most of the straight men I work with and meet on a daily basis act like... men. I'm often astonished and baffled by their behaviours. They don't make sense to me, and I sometimes need a translator to explain their motives. Really. Plus, for the last 49 and 1/2 years I've been fighting off threatening, unwanted sexual attention from them. So much so that I've come to expect straight men to act like jerks, and I'm relieved when they don't. I don't hate them, I just expect certain levels of behaviour from them, and they mostly fulfill my expectations.

Why else would I choose to be gay? Because in my protected corner of the world in an artist's community in NYC, I have friends and associations with other gay people who are SUPER cool, that I would otherwise never have made, because we're all members of 'the club'. My extraordinary life would have been a lot more pedestrian had I been just another straight person.

Finally, I'm sooooo relieved that I don't have to worry about being feminine enough to catch a man. I ride and fix motorcycles, and my work as a sculptor is very dirty and physical. I may doubt myself at times, but I have never had a butch woman tell me that they're anything but impressed. Straight men are mostly frightened by a woman like me, which works really well for me as a lesbian, but that would really bum me out if I were interested in them romantically.

YES, I would choose to be a lesbian, and I know quite a few straight women who wish they could make that choice for themselves.

[apretty]

Well, to be perfectly honest, I feel slightly superior to those that think they don't have a say in the matter.

Originally Posted by cinderella

Who in their right mind would 'choose' to be gay??!!*

Also, I could never be okay with participating in a relationship out of a desire for normalcy.

And, the personal is political.

[betenoire]

Also, if being queer is the worst thing that's ever happened to you I think you live a pretty fucking charmed life.

And as someone who -does- have a choice / other potential options - I gotta say landing here isn't half bad.

[Heart]

"Here’s the problem with that argument [it's not a choice]: It hinges on the notion that what is problematic about the idea that Nixon’s gayness—or anyone else’s—being a choice, is that we shouldn’t choose it. The rhetoric of shame tells us that either LGBTQ folks had no choice and therefore are gay, or, if we had a choice and chose to be gay, we made the wrong one. But what if we made the right one? And we keep making it every day?"

http://lgbtpov.frontiersla.com/2012/...revolutionary/

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/op...&smid=fb-share

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Also, if being queer is the worst thing that's ever happened to you I think you live a pretty fucking charmed life.

And as someone who -does- have a choice / other potential options - I gotta say landing here isn't half bad.

Losing your family, losing loved ones, being discriminated against, losing a job or being turned down for a job, getting beaten and murdered for being Gay/Queer, being treated like a second class citizen for being Gay/Queer. I would hardly call any of these situations a charmed life.

[Quintease]

I'm pretty f**king glad I turned out to be gay.

I'm particularly glad I was born at a time when gayers were fighting for the right to be cheery.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

Losing your family, losing loved ones, being discriminated against, losing a job or being turned down for a job, getting beaten and murdered for being Gay/Queer, being treated like a second class citizen for being Gay/Queer. I would hardly call any of these situations a charmed life.

My first girlfriend used to do a lot of blah blah blahing about "If you've never been beaten up you don't understand what it means to be queer". Like being shit on was some sort of a homa right of passage or a badge of honour.

But I have very little patience for the "being gay is horrible" doctrine. Very little patience.

I chose to be here. I have partnered almost exclusively with women for the last 13 years. (granted, that's not a very long time but I -am- only 34.) And you know what? Since diving head-first into the "community" my life has improved immeasurably.

Have I ever been harassed? Oh you bet. Is my relationship with my parents strained and complicated now? Yep, that too. But you know what? Those things are hardly a blip on the radar compared to the world of awesome that I CHOSE to live in.