Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[BullDog]

If we make our official "stance" that we were all born this way and can't help it- the right wingers could go all out looking for the "gay" gene to cure us.

Why is someone proclaiming being gay as a choice more of a frightening scenario? I don't get it.

I believe I was born with same sex attraction. However how I choose to live my life in a homophobic world is full of personal choices I have made.

Making choices for oneself is powerful. There is no "cure" for that.

[Chancie]

For me, it's not important to explain or analyze why I am queer.

I don't need to say, I was born this way, or

I was made this way.

I am queer.

But it is my choice to be with butches.

I certainly could have continued to have relationships with men, and

Some of those relationships were lovely.

[apretty]

I think we all have the choice to believe whether or not we were "born gay."

I was not "born gay" and I do fully identify as Queer.

E and I have this conversation periodically and for E, it's not the same so I respect our different beliefs and experiences.

[pamela]

the important point is that she expressed her thoughts and was not afraid to do so.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

I am sorry Arwen as I much I have respect for you this it's just MHO , with bisexuals it's like I want my cake and eat it too .

Well I do like cake as much as the next person, but you are wicked out of line. You're not talking about Arwen, fine. But you -are- talking about me.

In the future I would appreciate it if you would either back your ugliness up or back your ugliness off. Pick one. (Meaning - if you're not prepared to explain or examine your ugliness try and keep it to yourself.)

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Well I do like cake as much as the next person, but you are wicked out of line. You're not talking about Arwen, fine. But you -are- talking about me.

In the future I would appreciate it if you would either back your ugliness up or back your ugliness off. Pick one. (Meaning - if you're not prepared to explain or examine your ugliness try and keep it to yourself.)

Is it wrong for someone to express their thoughts without being afraid?
We all have our own opinions and share our personal thoughts.
It doesn't mean we want to get into a pissing contest with anyone else.
Some of us are good at debates and can explain what we mean, others can't.
I personally don't like pissing contests.
We will always agree to disagree or disagree to agree.

I have an ex that once told me, it's not about being with man or woman that defines who she is, it's who she falls in love with. That day, I opened my eyes and actually heard and understood what she was saying. She put no labels on herself because you can't tell the heart who it can or can not love.

For myself, I don't know if I was born this way. I grew up in a society in an era when you were told that marrying a man and having a family is what was expected of women. My dad was a cop, I was not defiant back then because I knew it would only lead to an ass whooping. I can honestly say, I grew up a tomboy, but at 17 was married and by 19 divorced. I was on a 2 year journey trying to figure out why I didn't like sex or being touched by men. A straight friend of mine sat me down with a bottle of wine one night and we talked for hours. She opened me up to a world I never knew existed because I was really sheltered from it as a kid. Honestly, as a kid, I never knew gay existed. Another friend used to call me a baby bitch in the making and I had to have her tell me what she meant. This is part of my journey, this is my story, this is my truth. I wouldn't change the me I became on my journey for anyone. So, was I born this way or was it a choice?

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Gemme

The underlined part is what gets me. Yes, we are all free to express our opinions, be they right or wrong or mired in some gray muck inbetween, however, if one cannot take a moment to say, "And this is why...." then not only do I not hold ANY value in what they said (be it a learning experience for me or an opportunity to educate someone who may need it) but it feels like nothing more than shit stirring.

Exactly. My new worldview this week really is "back it up or back it off".

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Is it wrong for someone to express their thoughts without being afraid?
We all have our own opinions and share our personal thoughts.
It doesn't mean we want to get into a pissing contest with anyone else.
Some of us are good at debates and can explain what we mean, others can't.
I personally don't like pissing contests.
We will always agree to disagree or disagree to agree.

As far as I'm concerned, anybody who drops a hateful bomb and then refuses to engage beyond their one-liner is trolling.

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by betenoire

As far as I'm concerned, anybody who drops a hateful bomb and then refuses to engage beyond their one-liner is trolling.

Bet, I get what you're saying, but not everyone can put in words why they think what they think. I'm not making excuses for anyone, it's just how some are. Like me, I'm better writing my thoughts than speaking face to face. I don't know why, but it is. I have learned a lot just by reading what others have posted in this thread. My verbal words may come out tongue twisted but my written word is usually pretty darn good. I do think to ask someone why they feel as they do may be a private issue. We all have baggage, just some of choose to check it at the door before we enter a room. If I'm so upset or concerned over what a person posts and they don't want to elaborate in another post, I may want to PM them and ask. I personally have a lot of old baggage I keep locked away. Sometimes someone says something or I read something that brings it to the surface. It makes me think about it, but am leery to talk or write about it. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, but it does in my mind. I wasn't jumping on you, but I think you already know that

[The_Lady_Snow]

Nixon is not someone "I" consider a queer I look up to or one that inspires me, frankly I just read about her roll my eyes and go on to the next story, her comments can be ridiculous between this and " man boobs" I'm over her... I am a bit disconcerted with the comments made about bi sexuals that for "me" is more alarming than what Nixon is spewing out..

[JustJo]

I've stayed out of this convo because I don't have strong opinions either way.

I think it's perfectly possible that some of us are born this way, some choose this, some grow into it, some discover it....and I'm good with whatever. To each their own.

I also think it's very likely that the conservative voices that hate us for it will hate us all equally and try to find a way to eradicate it....whether it was born or chosen.

I think the most important thing is that we present a united front to those folks...even when we internally disagree...and not pick each other apart for our differences. This is why I have finally decided to participate....because I find the "anti-bisexual" stuff recently expressed in here as disgusting and mean.

I don't define anyone else, and they don't define me. I don't have to share someone's ID or preferences or lifestyle....or even "approve" of it. However, we are all in this community together...and throwing out those negative judgments based on who someone is, is just plain nasty.

[Arwen]

I realize this has warped a bit from Cynthia Nixon to other areas. I'm not going to support the idea that bisexuals are what's wrong with the queer community. That idea is repugnant to me for a lot of reasons.

A person gets to choose how they define themselves unless we are living in a country where that freedom isn't available any more?

Let me know so I can pack and move, mmmkay?

Honestly, some of the hate and loathing expressed here makes my skin crawl. I'm out for the weekend. Hopefully the air will be a little cleaner once I get back.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Vlasta, has a right to her opinion and has a right to feel the way she does about Bisexuals, albeit not a popular opinion today. Just 25 years ago it was a very popular feeling. Instead of blasting and attacking anyone who has a difference of opinion, it helps to be patient and maybe help them to better understand another positive side to something that they may not be aware of or have experienced first hand. People have a tendency to judge a person or a situation by their own experiences. If you have had a positive experience, SHARE IT!

It's amazing how much we see this all the time over the last decade in online discussions. When someone has a difference of opinion, instead of looking at it as a time to attack it could be used as a time to educate. If you don't want to educate in a patient manner then back away once you've said you disagree with them. Building bridges and widening roads. We don't get there by saying you have to walk down this narrow path with me and think and act and be just like me, right now in this moment, and you are not allowed to grow at your own pace, and if you can't keep up then GET OFF the road. I hate that way of thinking more than I hate a rusty dusty opinion. A rusty dusty opinion can be changed faster than a controlling person.

The Gay Community grew from being Anti-Bisexual, because some of us stopped, listened, accepted, and educated others that not all Bisexuals are out to hurt, or harm, or use you. And not all Bisexuals are confused. These are all old out-dated sterotype ideas based on a Gay or Lesbian's (or anyone elses) unpleasant past experiences. It created a fear of Bisexuals. I believe that the interenet also helped to educate many quickly that Bisexuals come in many different flavors just like the rest of us. My theory anyway is 70% of the population is Bisexual. LoL.

Another interesting fact...

Just a couple of months ago, driving down the road here in Texas, I was passing through radio stations when I paused long enough to hear a local Pastor/Minister say: "All Lesbians have been sexually abused"! I thought, Oh NO he didn't just say that... but, the truth is even that outdated thought process is still rapant in the Christian Community. The Pastor then went on to say he knew this because he was told by a Pastor of one of the largest Churches with the largest followings in America (I would like to know who this Pastor is!!!!). He also said, that this well-known Pastor said, EVERY Lesbian he has Counseled with has ALWAYS been sexually abused. NO WONDER THEY THINK IT"S A CHOICE!!!!! That explains why some of my Christian relatives in the past asked me if this was true for me, for GOD's sake!!! He was probably their Minister!! LoL.That damned Pastor!!! Anyway the point of this Pastor's message was for his listeners to have compassion on Lesbians and stop the hate and start helping them come back to Jesus.

So there is still lots of work to do, North, South, East and West, but it won't be worked out with hate and impatience against lack of education.

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

Hello to everyone, I am out of the corner since I break the TOS and I must take a full responsibility for my actions.

First of all , since I see how much my comment upset so many people and I was not willing to put my very personal life to explain why I feel the way I do as I done it with my son’s situation and beg for support . The second comment on my son’s thread was rude and I regretted immediately when I hit that submit button, but there were also very kind and compassioned people trying to help me. I was in agony if I would lose my only child and unable to function. I was offered help that I couldn’t even follow on since I just dealt with the lawyers, on my knees and hoping for the best outcome.

I break the TOS, but I was under impression as I see I was called on this thread ugly and my ugliness is was against TOS also, but guess not.

I really didn’t want to clarify my statement however my true friend from here encouraged me to do so , it’s obvious for people to calm down I should. Please, do not take this as I am on the soap box, but a true part of my life.

Back in late 80’s, I was partnered with a butch for two and half years. I was happy since I have my child and a very attractive butch and just happy family, house with white picket fence. She was binding her breast and she could pass back then. Just to give you idea that she was not some girly partner. She always questioned me why I have been somewhere for so long, I never understood that, but just took it as a part of her personality .She was thinking with her mind, not mine since she was the one had a double life.

In two and half years she forgot to tell me that she was bisexual. It was dishonest since if she told me that from beginning I would never get into that type of relationship.
Make a long story short as much I can, I for first time in my life ended up with STD which thanks God was only Chlamydia and was treated with antibiotics in very short time I was clear. However, I have tested myself since every year for HIV until this day. I can’t even think I would jeopardize someone’s life with lack of my responsibility of knowing. I have been negative all this years; otherwise I would not have a relationship with anybody.

It was back in 80’s and I am sure by now, I would know and I would completely refrain from any relationship if I was infected. When I was infected with STD , I felt dirty , crushed by my delusional happiness and I was unable function , I have to take time off from my work since I cried 24/7 by this betrayal and waste of my life .

I was equally guilty in my future relationships after this ordeal, I never give my relationships 100 %. I always guard my heart and she truly screwed my life in my future. It was that traumatic for me since I believe in monogamy .

So, I would like from my community until you walk in my shoes, don’t jump in my throat, you was not there for me when I begged for support for my child while he was detained by immigration , but when I expressed that I am not fond of bisexuals suddenly people that I know in person noticed my opinion .

If you are bisexual it’s none of my business, but please be honest about your sexuality. In my case, I could save two and half years of my life, heartache and being more open to my relationships.

In addition of that, I found out she molested my son while I was not home and working. It was so disgusting and I couldn’t even deal with it. My son knew how horrible was for me and really never talk about it, but he did admit to me that happened. Unfortunately, it was many years later and the statute of limitation ran out and what I supposed to do 10 years later? Go to police? They wouldn’t even pay me attention. I wouldn’t even spit on her if she was on fire. Last what I heard from one of our friends, she has two children and still living with a woman. Her ways didn’t changed , dishonest and still have her cake and eat it too .
So once again, don’t judge me until you walk in my shoes. Thanks .

I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

I also want to say that you weren't infected with a disease because your partner was bisexual, you were exposed because your partner was unfaithful and a cheater. Despite what many believe, exclusively lesbian women contract and transmit STD's among themselves all the time.

I don't judge you. I believe that you're entitled to your opinion, I just disagree with it because I believe it harms the bisexuals in our community.