Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[AtLast]

Scientific inquiry has certainly pointed to the genetic, biological bases of all sexuality- and actually points to an awful lot of support for it being quite fluid. Personally, I am not going to judge anyone's belief system about their sexuality- nor their sexuality along the scale of uman sexuality.

I do, wish, however, that we all did a lot more reseach on what has been uncovered about sexuality in recent years.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by blush

This is not a difference of opinion, to me. Saying you don't like a particular radio station is a difference of opinion. Stating that bisexuals are a threat to queer society (I'm paraphrasing as I understood Vlasta's comment) is going to elicit a strong response. As it should. If this kind of comment was leveled by a right wing minister, would we write it off as a harmless difference of opinion?

Sometimes it feels like we are a bunch of crabs in boiling water trying to climb out of the pot. When one group starts to climb out, they get pulled back down. These types of comments about bisexual people pull all of us down.

Blush, I disagree. For someone to say, "Bi's are harming the Gay Community". ...or "Transgendered people are harming the Gay Community". ...or "Gays are destroying the sanctity of Marriage". ...or "Being Gay is a choice". To me all of those are opinions and opinions can change either by personal experience or a change in perspective by some other mind or heart bending situation. Peoples minds over the decades keep changing, stretching and expanding, in turn creating more acceptance for all of us. And I don't look at any of the statements above as harmless. They can be damaging. And through the carnage, understanding can come. It sucks that mental and emotional battlegrounds exist. Too bad everyone couldn't be born with a knowning of all. Instead we are faced with an existence of educating each other on our differences if we choose to.

[Corkey]

I like facts, 'cause everyone has an opinion. Bi's are no more hurtful than any other segment of the lgBtq spectrum. This site is more open than any other site, and if someone wants to have an opinion that is different than the rest, perhaps they'd best be prepared to back up why they have a particular opinion. I don't tend to hand out passes for opinions which degrade anyones identity.
Me having an opinion.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

Blush, I disagree. For someone to say, "Bi's are harming the Gay Community". ...or "Transgendered people are harming the Gay Community". ...or "Gays are destroying the sanctity of Marriage". ...or "Being Gay is a choice". To me all of those are opinions and opinions can change either by personal experience or a change in perspective by some other mind or heart bending situation. Peoples minds over the decades keep changing, stretching and expanding, in turn creating more acceptance for all of us. And I don't look at any of the statements above as harmless. They can be damaging. And through the carnage, understanding can come. It sucks that mental and emotional battlegrounds exist. Too bad everyone couldn't be born with a knowning of all. Instead we are faced with an existence of educating each other on our differences if we choose to.

I hear you. I think we just define it differently. It should always be a choice, not an obligation to educate.

[aishah]

has anyone seen this article?

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/op...t.html?_r=2&hp

i've been thinking about responding to this thread for awhile but don't feel like i'm in a place yet where i can articulate what i really want to say. but i just saw this on facebook and thought it was really interesting.

[Martina]

Well, i agree that it will be a good day when we don't need the argument -- that we are born this way -- anymore. It will mean we have less need to defend ourselves.

It's hard for me to deny that it's biological though. My first erotic dream was about a woman. My romantic connections with men were ALL emotionally flat. i have been in relationships with bisexual women, and i just don't notice men the way they do. i don't react. That is really the only difference between us. But it is real. I can't imagine feeling what they do. It seems strange to me. Not strange yucky. Just something i can't relate to.

This has nothing to do with my ability to connect with men as friends. But it is pronounced. Undeniable. From the beginning.

[Semantics]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

Hello to everyone, I am out of the corner since I break the TOS and I must take a full responsibility for my actions.

First of all , since I see how much my comment upset so many people and I was not willing to put my very personal life to explain why I feel the way I do as I done it with my son’s situation and beg for support . The second comment on my son’s thread was rude and I regretted immediately when I hit that submit button, but there were also very kind and compassioned people trying to help me. I was in agony if I would lose my only child and unable to function. I was offered help that I couldn’t even follow on since I just dealt with the lawyers, on my knees and hoping for the best outcome.

I break the TOS, but I was under impression as I see I was called on this thread ugly and my ugliness is was against TOS also, but guess not.

I really didn’t want to clarify my statement however my true friend from here encouraged me to do so , it’s obvious for people to calm down I should. Please, do not take this as I am on the soap box, but a true part of my life.

Back in late 80’s, I was partnered with a butch for two and half years. I was happy since I have my child and a very attractive butch and just happy family, house with white picket fence. She was binding her breast and she could pass back then. Just to give you idea that she was not some girly partner. She always questioned me why I have been somewhere for so long, I never understood that, but just took it as a part of her personality .She was thinking with her mind, not mine since she was the one had a double life.

In two and half years she forgot to tell me that she was bisexual. It was dishonest since if she told me that from beginning I would never get into that type of relationship.
Make a long story short as much I can, I for first time in my life ended up with STD which thanks God was only Chlamydia and was treated with antibiotics in very short time I was clear. However, I have tested myself since every year for HIV until this day. I can’t even think I would jeopardize someone’s life with lack of my responsibility of knowing. I have been negative all this years; otherwise I would not have a relationship with anybody.

It was back in 80’s and I am sure by now, I would know and I would completely refrain from any relationship if I was infected. When I was infected with STD , I felt dirty , crushed by my delusional happiness and I was unable function , I have to take time off from my work since I cried 24/7 by this betrayal and waste of my life .

I was equally guilty in my future relationships after this ordeal, I never give my relationships 100 %. I always guard my heart and she truly screwed my life in my future. It was that traumatic for me since I believe in monogamy .

So, I would like from my community until you walk in my shoes, don’t jump in my throat, you was not there for me when I begged for support for my child while he was detained by immigration , but when I expressed that I am not fond of bisexuals suddenly people that I know in person noticed my opinion .

If you are bisexual it’s none of my business, but please be honest about your sexuality. In my case, I could save two and half years of my life, heartache and being more open to my relationships.

In addition of that, I found out she molested my son while I was not home and working. It was so disgusting and I couldn’t even deal with it. My son knew how horrible was for me and really never talk about it, but he did admit to me that happened. Unfortunately, it was many years later and the statute of limitation ran out and what I supposed to do 10 years later? Go to police? They wouldn’t even pay me attention. I wouldn’t even spit on her if she was on fire. Last what I heard from one of our friends, she has two children and still living with a woman. Her ways didn’t changed , dishonest and still have her cake and eat it too .
So once again, don’t judge me until you walk in my shoes. Thanks .

I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

I also want to say that you weren't infected with a disease because your partner was bisexual, you were exposed because your partner was unfaithful and a cheater. Despite what many believe, exclusively lesbian women contract and transmit STD's among themselves all the time.

I don't judge you. I believe that you're entitled to your opinion, I just disagree with it because I believe it harms the bisexuals in our community.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'm sorry someone hurt you like that Vlasta, it's not because she was bisexual it was because she is not a nice person and a POS for doing what she did to you, your son, your heart...

We've all been hurt it still DOES NOT give us the right to make broad generalizations about a group of people..

Pedophiles come in all genders and sexual orientations, same with liars, cheaters and pricks..

[EnderD_503]

I think human sexuality is a lot more complex than biological vs. choice or biological vs. environmental and there has been some interesting stuff written on it by theorists during the 20th century.

I can see how sexuality can be all of the above, meaning a mixture of biological, environmental and choice. I can remember only being attracted to women since I was a kid. I don't ever remember being genuinely attracted to boys as a kid. Developing politics and interests made me more attracted to queer women, and that much, I think, is both environmental and choice (in that I opt not to date straight-identified and/or particularly normative women).

Although if I think of what some have been saying in this thread, I think if I could flip a switch and suddenly be physically attracted to men or even queer men...the thought really brings out an adversarial reaction in me. I really would not take that option. I think if I could choose I would continue to be strictly into (queer) women. That much has to do with politics and personal values/beliefs.

As far as Nixon, I do see why some people are pissed off at her. In many places, lgbtq rights can rest on the biological argument. Additionally, as a celebrity people are, unfortunately, more likely to listen to her than to 10,000 activists. Hence why I generally think Hollywood stars should stfu about social issues in general. Most of them aren't particularly educated (and I don't mean this in an academic way) on social issues and tend to fuck up more than they help.

Edit: That being said, I would add that I find it hard to believe that any one person is 100% straight or gay. I think society has created this binary and it's led to a lot of fucked up shit. That being said, I still think everyone has their preferences. Just because something might have originally (or might eventually be) a possibility does not leave out the fact that people have their preferences. Different people have different preferences based on how they fuck...same with who they fuck.

Also, Straight celebrities aren't coming out saying "I chose to be straight," so I think all this "I chose to be gay" shit by Nixon is playing further into a lot of fucked up social bullshit.

[Vlasta]

Thank you for your reply's and I didn't expected that someone would agree with me . I knew since nobody would risk to be unpopular with they friends and I agree with me .

Yes , I am biased and I will not denied that. There are millions gay people rightfully fighting for the equal rights , they have been together for many years and not getting nowhere . Sad situation , but true .

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

and to Snow , I hate pedophiles and I am just grateful that my son has been strong enough to overcome this situation and as a loving child kept that from me , because I wouldn't be posting here , I would be in a prison .

It's ok to be bisexual , but be honest and not living a double life .

[The_Lady_Snow]

Yanno Vlasta I'm not going to disagree with someone's opinion because it's gonna keep my homies "happy". I DON'T agree with what you stated because it was a sweeping generalization of members in this community. I wanted to clarify that particular detail....

[Softhearted]

Since when living a double life is linked to being bisexual?!??????

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

Wow. You know, I always thought that things like "the religious right" and "conservatism" and "general fear mongering hogwash" was the reason that we don't have equal rights in many countries.

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

[betenoire]

And you know. While I'm real sorry you had a bad experience with someone who happened to be bisexual...I'm gonna tell you a story.

My dad used to be a trucker in the 80s. I used to travel with him a great deal of the time when I wasn't in school. This one time we were at a rest stop in Michigan when a man with a knife came up to us. He stole my dad's wallet and scared the shit out of us both.

Now, the dude at the rest stop happened to be Black. Given that one bad experience does my father (and me too) have a pass to shit-talk Black people? Would it be acceptable for my father to say "I don't have a problem with Black people so long as they don't steal wallets"? Of course not. Even though my dad had a bad experience once that would STILL be a bigoted thing to say because 1 - any time you say "I don't have a problem with ____" you obviously DO have a problem with ____. and 2 - it gives the impression that stealing wallets is a "Black thing" to do and any Black person who doesn't steal wallets is the exception to the rule.

so when you say:

It's ok to be bisexual , but be honest and not living a double life .

It's clear that you don't think it's okay to be bisexual, and that you think there is a positive correlation between bisexuality and living a dishonest double life.

I am not the exception to the rule. Your ex is not the rule. There just IS no rule.

Just like there is no "rule" to lesbians or heterosexuals.