There was this one time...

funkyfemme · 02-07-2012, 12:26 AM

After completing the Surgical Technology program with my best friend, we landed jobs at the same hospital and had to go thru orientation together shortly after we started. They had someone from each department come in and tell a lil bit about what they do blah blah blah. Some of it was mind-numbing and made for a loooooong three days. At some point, an older lady, prolly in her 60s, came in and she had braces and fire red dyed hair and was just killing us with her monotone voice. I couldn't even tell ya what department, she was that boring. Anyhooo, she's rambling on and on and all of a sudden one of the rubberbands on her braces popped and stung her lip!! She paused and said "excuse me" then turned her back to us to hook that rubberband up then turned back around was as red as her flippin hair and continued like nothing happened! Forgetaboutit!!!!! I was DONE after that!! My friend and I could not stop laughing!! That hard ass laughing where you can only shake and nothing comes out and you're all red and your stomach hurts. IDK maybe you had to be there but man, that shit was funnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! That was about five yrs ago and we STILL talk about that!

jac · 02-19-2012, 07:11 AM

There was this one time...
I was in the beginning stages of training in martial arts, a novice (early 90s) and was in the middle of a sparring class with several others. We had all been jumping from one fight to the next at the command of our instructor. It was getting exhausting and I was fighting one of the toughest women in the place. The match had gotten rather heated and she had nailed me in the ribs taking the breath right out of me. Along the sidelines were some other students that were sitting around either tired or finished with their matches. There was this one woman (an ER doctor) we called Doc who was sitting watching with legs crossed. The woman I was fighting waited till I was almost with breath in me again and nailed me in the back of the head with a round kick. I heard someone say as I was falling to what I thought was soon to be the ground, "End it!" The woman fighting me (I heard about this later) took one finger to the back of my head and pushed me... It didn't take much at this point... I was falling already passed out... face first down Doc's cleavage and right into her lap. Face plant and passed out in her crotch! Being a lesbian it was forever before I stopped hearing about how I went down on Doc.... oy! lol

1QuirkyKiwi · 02-19-2012, 01:12 PM

There was this one time….

….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL!

luv2luvgirls · 02-19-2012, 03:37 PM

there was this one time
20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

luv2luvgirls · 02-20-2012, 04:13 PM

Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru

gran your watching a porn

Parker · 02-23-2012, 09:21 AM

The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money.

It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him.

I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police.

At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911.

She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

Cuddles · 02-23-2012, 11:38 AM

Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!

02-07-2012, 12:26 AM	#1
funkyfemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Gamey as Fuck Relationship Status: I move from person to person real quick. Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: A sad little town Posts: 800 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,059 Thanked 2,824 Times in 662 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time... After completing the Surgical Technology program with my best friend, we landed jobs at the same hospital and had to go thru orientation together shortly after we started. They had someone from each department come in and tell a lil bit about what they do blah blah blah. Some of it was mind-numbing and made for a loooooong three days. At some point, an older lady, prolly in her 60s, came in and she had braces and fire red dyed hair and was just killing us with her monotone voice. I couldn't even tell ya what department, she was that boring. Anyhooo, she's rambling on and on and all of a sudden one of the rubberbands on her braces popped and stung her lip!! She paused and said "excuse me" then turned her back to us to hook that rubberband up then turned back around was as red as her flippin hair and continued like nothing happened! Forgetaboutit!!!!! I was DONE after that!! My friend and I could not stop laughing!! That hard ass laughing where you can only shake and nothing comes out and you're all red and your stomach hurts. IDK maybe you had to be there but man, that shit was funnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! That was about five yrs ago and we STILL talk about that!

02-19-2012, 01:12 PM	#3
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	There was this one time…. ….Not so long ago when I was at a Buffet Party; with lots of chatting, laughing and music, I misheard a woman asking me about the finger food. I replied that I wasn’t fingering my food! ….All of a sudden the room fell silent....like it does. Oh boi! Did I have a hard time trying to explain what I really meant….it was one of those rare occasions where I was rendered speechless! LOL! __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

02-19-2012, 07:11 AM	#2
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	There was this one time... I was in the beginning stages of training in martial arts, a novice (early 90s) and was in the middle of a sparring class with several others. We had all been jumping from one fight to the next at the command of our instructor. It was getting exhausting and I was fighting one of the toughest women in the place. The match had gotten rather heated and she had nailed me in the ribs taking the breath right out of me. Along the sidelines were some other students that were sitting around either tired or finished with their matches. There was this one woman (an ER doctor) we called Doc who was sitting watching with legs crossed. The woman I was fighting waited till I was almost with breath in me again and nailed me in the back of the head with a round kick. I heard someone say as I was falling to what I thought was soon to be the ground, "End it!" The woman fighting me (I heard about this later) took one finger to the back of my head and pushed me... It didn't take much at this point... I was falling already passed out... face first down Doc's cleavage and right into her lap. Face plant and passed out in her crotch! Being a lesbian it was forever before I stopped hearing about how I went down on Doc.... oy! lol

02-19-2012, 03:37 PM	#4
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	there was this one time 20 yrs ago I was at a gay club and was used to girls walking up and kissing me. one night im hanging with my bud Rick and this girl comes up and starts kissing me. I start kissing back and next thing I know she has a hold of my tongue and wont let go. im trying to pull my tongue out of her death grip to no avail.She is holding on to my tongue like a life line and her teeth are sharp. So my buddy finally comes over and tries to pull us apart by our foreheads. The girl finally let go... lets just say I was cured of kissing strangers

02-20-2012, 04:13 PM	#5
luv2luvgirls Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Asshole Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Kentucky/Austin/Wherever Posts: 2,310 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,387 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,827 Posts Rep Power: 0	Ok talking about my Grans this morning reminded me of this one time,I was 15 and spending the night at her house and she was always up late. I woke up and after sitting next to her watching the TV for a minute I calmly asked Gran what are you watching? she, all 4'9'" of her and never heard her cuss, grabs her lil magnifying glass and her tv guide and states.. its says here a day in the life of a whore,and I always wondered what they went thru gran your watching a porn

02-23-2012, 09:21 AM	#6
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	The opening scene of the dispatcher talking to the small child in last night's episode of Criminal Minds reminded me of this one time when I was a police dispatcher, I got a 911 call from a woman who was pretending I was a friend who owed her money. It seems her dealer was there with her, wielding a bat and threatening to beat the shit out of her with it if she didn't pay him the money she owed him. I was able to get all of the info I needed from her by asking yes/no questions so that she wouldn't alert the dude to the fact that she was talking to the police. At one point, I heard him screaming at her and hitting the wall with his bat - so you have to hand it to her for having the smarts & the guts to fool him into believing she was calling a friend when she actually called 911. She was able to stay calm and keep the ruse going so that I could stay on the phone with her until my guys got there, guns drawn, to arrest the SoB dealer.

02-23-2012, 11:38 AM	#7
Cuddles Junior Member How Do You Identify?: A romantic butch who loves to cuddle... and steal your french fry when you're not looking! Preferred Pronoun?: No preference. Relationship Status: Single, always looking to mingle and maybe be tamed one day Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Northern Florida Posts: 61 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 117 Thanked 191 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1805812	Talk about an awkward moment. I was at my friend's (gay guy) apartment. He was a senior in HS & lived with his mom who was single. One afternoon while she was at work he was smoking a cig and asked me to get a pack from his mom's dresser. I remember hollering at him asking which drawer as I opened them and then I found her naughty drawer. About 10 dildos, videos, & a couple mags. In classic fashion the apartment front door opened then and I nearly had a heart attack as I slammed the drawer shut and threw myself out the bedroom door in record time. Turned out it was just my friend letting the dog out!