To Write Love on Her Arms

[kassykit]

Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I live and grew up in a very strict household. Though many wouldn't see it that way.

I had very few written rules, but many many unspoken rules.

My depression is fed by i am not what was expected of me. I feel i have never been good enough, fast enough, pretty enough, or even much wanted.

It's one thing for me to vocalize what i know my issues are, its quite another for me to actually get over soemthing that's been a part of my life since i was very little

Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

I've always ended up going to the ER, usually after doing something stupid. (like taking every pill in the house)

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.

What a great story, Superflyfemme. Glad to hear she's made a turn around, and that she's even gone a step further and is using her experience to help others.

I'd be willing to bet most of us have a story of that one teacher, or coach, or older person who reached out in some way to keep us going through some hard stuff.

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

Rebuilding is daunting. But it's like any big task, it helps to break it into smaller, more attainable goals (just like transitioning).

Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

Originally Posted by kassykit

<snip>Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I think this is fundamentally important.

I've seen people take the knowledge of another's depression - their use of an anti-depressant - and try to belittle them for it. I've seen it happen in queer space, on a butch/femme forum, as if it were somehow relevant.

Originally Posted by kassykit

<snip>
Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

Listening is important. Sometimes it helps just to be able to say (or write) out loud those things that are making you feel desperate.

[Jet]

[QUOTE=Mister Bent;5484]
Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

No, I never felt less alone. (I was mad that my neighbor called the cops, though‚ which was actually a godsend in disguise) What made the difference is that I realized I didn't want to take my life as much as I wanted to be rid of the pain of facing my trauma which had been going one for about a year. Now I'm doing better than ever, but it was hell for a year.

[NCaliFemme]

Depression is so hard and has been affecting me quite a bit lately. I thought I was doing better and I realize that I'm not. That is so very hard to admit.

I've realized lately that I'm a "fluffer". To the outside world, I'm happy, I'm the one that you come to when things aren't going so well with you. When I'm asked how I'm doing, I fluff and say I'm fine. Things are great. I don't let people in. Why you ask? It's because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

I've had a lot happen this past year, I lost one of my friends to cancer, I was injured at my job and have not been able to return to work, my youngest child left home and I moved to a new community and am in a new relationship. I've been "fluffing", saying everything is fine, when it's not.

I, too, have lost everything from a traumatic experience. It's so hard to rebuild not try to be angry about where I am now. I am starting to rebuild once again and I'm thinking that maybe I didn't learn my lesson the first time; so I get to do it again and again until I get it right. It's hard, but I keep telling myself that I was never promised an easy road and that I have it so much better than so many others. So I will keep going step by step, day by day and try and keep a positive attitude.

Hopefully, I'll be getting into counseling again real soon. I'm trying to be more present and expressing how I really feel. Letting those around me know when things are hard so that I can lean on them. The problem is I think that I'm a burden on them. Silly me, they want to be there for me just like I love being there for my friends when they need a friend.

Thanks for listening.

Signed,

The Newest Member of the BFP To Write Love on Her Arms

[D-Money]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

[Jet]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

Ditto. great post. But I think the writing thing for depression was intended to be equivalent to ribbons for AIDS or breast cancer etc. *shrugs* I dunno I'm assuming. There's nothing much more comforting than a hug or kind words.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

Originally Posted by Jet

Ditto. great post. But I think the writing thing for depression was intended to be equivalent to ribbons for AIDS or breast cancer etc. *shrugs* I dunno I'm assuming. There's nothing much more comforting than a hug or kind words.

I haven't posted here in some time, because I simply wanted to create the space for those who have been affected, for whom this is a relevant issue, speak in their own voices. That includes those who dissent, as well.

Although these are older posts, I wanted to address each. First, I think it's worth pointing out that writing love on his/her arms does not preclude awareness, educating oneself on symptoms and conditions, or otherwise offering support ("a hug" - which frankly is often as not what a person in the depths of deep, clinical depression needs, or even wants). In fact, the entire point of this "movement" is to draw a big bright arrow that points toward the condition so to place it in the public consciousness. After that, it is up to individuals to educate themselves as needed. Even if one "clueless" trend follower then starts to ask questions and learns a thing or two, I think the cause has been served.

Those who don't think this "movement is a good thing" are given the choice to simply not participate, while others continue to draw a dangerous, largely unspoken, and highly stigmatized condition out into the light. If we don't know who needs the help, to whom are we to offer it?

[owen4u1904]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

I have had two friends do the whole suicide thing. And I dont like it when people are afraid to talk about it. Because unfortunately it is a part of our lives. I have even taken a class for suicide prevention/intervention kinda thing. I am very big on raising awareness for depression because I have not come to that point in my life but I know when I get in a funk I dont like it. I do have trichotillomania, been doing it since I was 11 or so. And it makes me wonder if that is my way of "cutting" or making myself feel better. I am going to therapy again for the 3rd time, so hopefully 3rd time is a charm. Gonna attempt to get more family members in there this time. Gonna be started on paxil, since my therapist claims its ocd related, but my next meeting I wanna talk to her about it. Some people have said if you take paxil and get depressed it can make you even more depressed.

[The_Lady_Snow]

To Write Love On Her Arms.... It's a cause that I have fully supported since I have found out about it, it is not a fashionable way for me to run around with a heart on my hand or wrist, it is something I strongly believe in and believe it has and will continue to help those who have felt this way or feel this..

It is something that shows people they are not alone, that someone cares and that there is help...

When Superfemme's daughter went through her own personal hell, I remembered about what this organization means to my own kid who fought her own personal demons growing into her skin. I figured it would help her see like it has many of us..

No, you are not alone.... Someone quoted a friend saying this was a trendy thing to do, I dunno much about trends matter of fact I could give a fuck who does what and why I do things because I believe in them and know how they have personally affected us.

Mister Bent I would participate in a TWLOHA day here on the Planet, and post pics...

Thank you so much for bringing up such a difficult subject and shedding a light on such an awesome movement....

[Soft*Silver]

I have tears in my eyes as I read and respond to this...first, because I lost my brother to suicide due to severe depression and reading stories of those who battled with it just suck the breath right out of me, even 35 years later. You just dont know how much it hurts to be the one left behind...

and then the tears spill because this past year was one of my hardest years I ever got thru. I was SEVERELY suicidal most of last winter and early spring. Talk about losing everything...good god...everything, including my sobriety of 20 years. Lost my daughter who wouldnt speak to me because of the relapse. Lost any hope of living happily ever after. Lost my cord that kept me to this earth...yep...

small things pull us thru sometimes...it was my dog's dementia that kept me from pulling the trigger. She was so attached to me and so needy and so lost when I wasnt there for her. To kill myself would essentially be killing her. And I just couldnt do that to her. Sounds silly now, sounds like an excuse not to follow in my brother's footsteps (and suicide is often a family coping mechanism) and I am almost ashamed to say a dog saved my life...it sounds so..silly..

but it is what kept me here. And I called my sister one night, and she came over and I purged all of my suicidal thoughts of worthlessness and pain. And she wept hard...because I had called her BEFORE and she was not needing to do for me what she had done for my brother...(too graphic to tell here...)

Now I am sober over a year again. My daughter clings to me so glad I am home and alive. I have a wonderful guy in my life and we are building slowly. My health is shot but I am working on establishing some way I can feel worthwhile again in the mental health profession. And more importantly, I am grounded again...I see myself as a person worth living for. I love the title of it...To Write Love On Her Arms. I did subtle things to cue myself of my worth..I would paint my nails a new color every day so that when I looked at my colors, I would think of how much I loved myself and wanted to stay. My honey never knew this...we have a LDR...but he sent me dozens of polishes this summer. His love, with mine, pieced me back together again...

thanks, Mr Bently, for making this thread. For me. For all of us. Thank you.

[Billy]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

You really think it's a trend ..And because you don't like it you think its stupid for others to show there emotion or support by putting this on their arm ..Amazing ..

[Ms. Meander]

To me this topic is intensely personal, for no matter how much distance lies between my present self and the darkest days of my youth, I shall always bear the evidence upon my skin of the struggle I endured. I have grown, healed, overcome. But still, there are days when I see these scars and must fight off the guilt, shame, and stigma.

I support the "movement" as a means of awareness. And more personally, it is a means of empowerment and self-love. Whether I literally write love on my arm or simply think loving, courageous thoughts, I am strengthened by bringing to light what could so easily be swept back into the shadows. The cycle of denial and shame is what took me to the brink in the first place. Of course I wish I had no scars, but I do. Hating them will not serve me. What choice have I, if I want to live a healthy life, but to love my scars and therefor love myself?