Do you think saying "I love you" always has strings?

LaneyDoll · 03-09-2012, 10:52 AM

I am not sure that it has strings. But I do know that it has responsibility.

"I love you but I am not in love with you" can be hard for people to hear-esp if they are IN love with you. But if you love her, tell her. Don't lose her! Love is hard to find.

Silverseastar · 03-09-2012, 11:18 AM

Well I for one believe that love has no strings attached to it. If I love someone or they love me it is not a promise of some kind of particular outcome it's an emotional/energetic state of being for as long as it stays that way.

However, that being said, many others hear those words and suddenly are planning their future wedding. So I think it's good to be clear first about what love and in love actually mean to you. Perhaps have that conversation first? It might also be a way to see what page she is on as well.

I agree with the others, it's also important to decide which of those two (love or in love) it is as well. It takes time and experience of someone in order to properly make that assessment imho.

Good luck and enjoy the lovely feelings of joy you are experiencing with another human being

Blade · 03-09-2012, 03:45 PM

Unless you have a friendship relationship only and you both understand that, do not ever tell someone you love them. They may be in love with you and take that I love you the wrong way if you are not in love with them. They may think by you saying that, that you are in love with them and it might scare the hell out of them and scare them off. But if you are just friends and you both understand that and neither of you are expecting anything from the relationship but friendship then she will understand that I love you doen't mean I am in love with you. IMO....

boobookitty · 03-09-2012, 04:27 PM

Life has ways of making the simplest things complicated. I can say things like, "I adore you." - "You are importaint to me." - "I am so grateful to have you in my life!" --so I say it out loud in other ways-- but not, 'I L-O-V-E you.'

I feel the responsibility. Those words really mean something to me. And I posted this as a 'poly' thread because she is not my primary, and never will be.
It is a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and she lives 4 and a half hours away, one way. We might get to see each other/ spend time together, 6 times a year and we are not fluid bonded. We have known each other over a year.

I worry (sort of) about her getting hurt, I would like her to date others. But she isn't out. She was many years ago, but when that realtionship fell apart she married a man, and stayed with him 8 years, and has now been divorced from him 3 years. This is not a problem for me, just a bit of history to show why I worry about her feelings. She grew up being told and believeing she is going to hell... ~yadda yadda~

So, to shorten the story... I am her 3rd voluntary relationship in her whole life. She is 44 now, I am 47. (just for reference and I have had MANY relationships)
regarless of how I 'feel' .. I think I need to protect her, form a lack of relationship experience... I have promised to always be her friend before anything else.

So I struggle with the balance.

(and I need to talk it out some of my own feelings and thoughts before I say something to her) We have talked frankly about the difference between "love" and being... "in love"

we talk several times a week... she has been to my home and met my family I have been to /stayed with her at her home and met her family.

I REALLY don't want her hurt!

(chuckles)
I did try to scare her off... but d*mn she has read almost everything I have ever posted on line. She knows almost as much about me as I do!

princessbelle · 03-09-2012, 04:49 PM

I guess i've worked too much today and i'm too tired but i don't see what the problem is....

You have this girl who is not your primary, will never be and your relationship is friends with benefits and that's cool with the both of you.

Now you are wanting to say i love you to her but you are not in love.

So...why say it then. Don't rock the boat. Don't fix what doesn't need fixin. Sounds like from your posts, she may be more into you than you are her...and you want to say "I love you?". Ummmm, not a good idea...IMO.

Maybe i'm missing something....

If it is a raw need YOU have to say it....just remember...

All choices we make in life equate to some type of consequence, whether it be good, bad or indifferent.

Let sleeping dogs lie and just enjoy what you have....

Oh and PS. I also think that saying I love you and being in love are different. But, to peeps that don't get it....it is a hard rocky road.

MysticOceansFL · 03-09-2012, 04:57 PM

I agree , never tell someone that you " love "them because if your not inlove with the person your with 1. why are you with the person and 2. why are you telling the person you love them when in fact your not "inlove" with them?

boobookitty · 03-09-2012, 05:15 PM

I have to say, I felt a rush of peace... as I read these responses,
My common sense feeling all along has been to not say it.

I have waited and tried to get the relationship passed the, early stages of "its so wonderfull to have someone in my life" phase...

I have struggled with feeling like a jerk.. because I have not been completely upfront with her about this issue,... I can talk things to death!

I think my life experience is warning me ...that she will feel more attached if I said what I feel. It never would have gone this far if I didn't care for her. But, I can love someone and walk away... she has said she can too.

but I think, ... my gut is warning me that ..she really isn't at that level.
the conflict.. has been I am a very open and honest person... and I haven't told her. (but, I may have told everyone else in the whole world.)

---
And I very much appreciate everyone hashing this out with me.

grenade · 03-09-2012, 05:12 PM

I love you all.

03-09-2012, 10:52 AM	#1
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am not sure that it has strings. But I do know that it has responsibility. "I love you but I am not in love with you" can be hard for people to hear-esp if they are IN love with you. But if you love her, tell her. Don't lose her! Love is hard to find. __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 03-09-2012 at 10:58 AM.

03-09-2012, 03:45 PM	#3
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,412 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Unless you have a friendship relationship only and you both understand that, do not ever tell someone you love them. They may be in love with you and take that I love you the wrong way if you are not in love with them. They may think by you saying that, that you are in love with them and it might scare the hell out of them and scare them off. But if you are just friends and you both understand that and neither of you are expecting anything from the relationship but friendship then she will understand that I love you doen't mean I am in love with you. IMO.... __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

03-09-2012, 04:27 PM	#4
boobookitty Member How Do You Identify?: I like the tag Lipstick Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: not picky, but male pronouns are soothing to the psyche Relationship Status: not looking for more than friends Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: central USA Posts: 119 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 70 Thanked 215 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 1451775	Life has ways of making the simplest things complicated. I can say things like, "I adore you." - "You are importaint to me." - "I am so grateful to have you in my life!" --so I say it out loud in other ways-- but not, 'I L-O-V-E you.' I feel the responsibility. Those words really mean something to me. And I posted this as a 'poly' thread because she is not my primary, and never will be. It is a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and she lives 4 and a half hours away, one way. We might get to see each other/ spend time together, 6 times a year and we are not fluid bonded. We have known each other over a year. I worry (sort of) about her getting hurt, I would like her to date others. But she isn't out. She was many years ago, but when that realtionship fell apart she married a man, and stayed with him 8 years, and has now been divorced from him 3 years. This is not a problem for me, just a bit of history to show why I worry about her feelings. She grew up being told and believeing she is going to hell... ~yadda yadda~ So, to shorten the story... I am her 3rd voluntary relationship in her whole life. She is 44 now, I am 47. (just for reference and I have had MANY relationships) regarless of how I 'feel' .. I think I need to protect her, form a lack of relationship experience... I have promised to always be her friend before anything else. So I struggle with the balance. (and I need to talk it out some of my own feelings and thoughts before I say something to her) We have talked frankly about the difference between "love" and being... "in love" we talk several times a week... she has been to my home and met my family I have been to /stayed with her at her home and met her family. I REALLY don't want her hurt! (chuckles) I did try to scare her off... but d*mn she has read almost everything I have ever posted on line. She knows almost as much about me as I do! __________________ [I]LOL...yeah, I'm a cisgender heterosexual male crossdresser trapped in a womans body. [/I]:sunglass:

03-09-2012, 04:49 PM	#5
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I guess i've worked too much today and i'm too tired but i don't see what the problem is.... You have this girl who is not your primary, will never be and your relationship is friends with benefits and that's cool with the both of you. Now you are wanting to say i love you to her but you are not in love. So...why say it then. Don't rock the boat. Don't fix what doesn't need fixin. Sounds like from your posts, she may be more into you than you are her...and you want to say "I love you?". Ummmm, not a good idea...IMO. Maybe i'm missing something.... If it is a raw need YOU have to say it....just remember... All choices we make in life equate to some type of consequence, whether it be good, bad or indifferent. Let sleeping dogs lie and just enjoy what you have.... Oh and PS. I also think that saying I love you and being in love are different. But, to peeps that don't get it....it is a hard rocky road. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

03-09-2012, 04:57 PM	#6
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I agree , never tell someone that you " love "them because if your not inlove with the person your with 1. why are you with the person and 2. why are you telling the person you love them when in fact your not "inlove" with them? __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......

03-09-2012, 11:18 AM	#2
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	Well I for one believe that love has no strings attached to it. If I love someone or they love me it is not a promise of some kind of particular outcome it's an emotional/energetic state of being for as long as it stays that way. However, that being said, many others hear those words and suddenly are planning their future wedding. So I think it's good to be clear first about what love and in love actually mean to you. Perhaps have that conversation first? It might also be a way to see what page she is on as well. I agree with the others, it's also important to decide which of those two (love or in love) it is as well. It takes time and experience of someone in order to properly make that assessment imho. Good luck and enjoy the lovely feelings of joy you are experiencing with another human being

03-09-2012, 05:15 PM	#7
boobookitty Member How Do You Identify?: I like the tag Lipstick Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: not picky, but male pronouns are soothing to the psyche Relationship Status: not looking for more than friends Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: central USA Posts: 119 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 70 Thanked 215 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 1451775	I have to say, I felt a rush of peace... as I read these responses, My common sense feeling all along has been to not say it. I have waited and tried to get the relationship passed the, early stages of "its so wonderfull to have someone in my life" phase... I have struggled with feeling like a jerk.. because I have not been completely upfront with her about this issue,... I can talk things to death! I think my life experience is warning me ...that she will feel more attached if I said what I feel. It never would have gone this far if I didn't care for her. But, I can love someone and walk away... she has said she can too. but I think, ... my gut is warning me that ..she really isn't at that level. the conflict.. has been I am a very open and honest person... and I haven't told her. (but, I may have told everyone else in the whole world.) --- And I very much appreciate everyone hashing this out with me. __________________ [I]LOL...yeah, I'm a cisgender heterosexual male crossdresser trapped in a womans body. [/I]:sunglass:

03-09-2012, 05:12 PM	#8
grenade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Full Flavor Femme Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,929 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,925 Thanked 8,058 Times in 2,121 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I love you all.