Femme Invisibility? - Page 2

genghisfawn · 03-22-2012, 09:38 AM

If I wore a "femme" necklace in my city, two things would happen...

1) I'd get too many nosey sorts asking what it meant, and it's not really something I'm keen to discuss with those not in the know;
2) Even if a butch saw it, they're not looking for femmes!

I'm present in my local community, and I've been present and active for many years. I know many people, and people do know... unless they're younger, just out or visiting, and then they think I'm the straight girl at the gay bar!

As for visibility... I struggle with how to do it, or whether I really want it. Saskatoon is a pretty decent place, where if people don't approve of queerness, at least (among adults) they don't waste their breath or energy trying to hurt you.

Besides... whenever I see a cute butch, I just give 'em the old eye-sex treatment. You know the one. Sultry eye contact, break away, see if they're still looking, telepathically communicate the desire for a drink and conversation, etc. When it works, it works!

starryeyes · 03-22-2012, 09:47 AM

I don't know what the solution is? I experience everything you and everyone else has talked about, but I still have no solution. I am always going to be a high femme. I am always going to look "straight". It is just part of the femme package, I guess. When I did not have a girlfriend, it was really difficult meeting people as well. I am super shy. The only time I notice butches checking me out is when I am with another butch (go figure). Oh well. Good luck on your journey femme sistah!

:-D

Christy51274 · 03-23-2012, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I don't know what the solution is? I experience everything you and everyone else has talked about, but I still have no solution. I am always going to be a high femme. I am always going to look "straight". It is just part of the femme package, I guess. When I did not have a girlfriend, it was really difficult meeting people as well. I am super shy. The only time I notice butches checking me out is when I am with another butch (go figure). Oh well. Good luck on your journey femme sistah!

:-D

I guess I'll just have to get more aggressive with my behavior toward my butch counterparts. I'm like you, in the sense that I'm a bit shy and more subtle with my approach. Oh well... (sigh)

LaneyDoll · 03-22-2012, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UofMfan

My ex had a silver necklace made with the word Femme in script. Not only was it beautiful, it sent a clear message.

She too got tired of being "invisible".

Hmmm, a necklace may be a good idea. When I used to go out, I was in full blown "ultra femme" mode so the people at the bars may have thought that I was just a really feminine drag queen. lol

When I am in what I call "doll mode" everything is perfect, dead on and no detail is missed.

I was far from invisible but probably a bit confusing to everyone.

03-22-2012, 09:47 AM	#2
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,049 Times in 2,075 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I don't know what the solution is? I experience everything you and everyone else has talked about, but I still have no solution. I am always going to be a high femme. I am always going to look "straight". It is just part of the femme package, I guess. When I did not have a girlfriend, it was really difficult meeting people as well. I am super shy. The only time I notice butches checking me out is when I am with another butch (go figure). Oh well. Good luck on your journey femme sistah! :-D __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

03-22-2012, 09:38 AM	#1
genghisfawn Member How Do You Identify?: Femme/Gentlewoman Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Happily married 05/17/14 Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,056 Thanked 2,158 Times in 403 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	If I wore a "femme" necklace in my city, two things would happen... 1) I'd get too many nosey sorts asking what it meant, and it's not really something I'm keen to discuss with those not in the know; 2) Even if a butch saw it, they're not looking for femmes! I'm present in my local community, and I've been present and active for many years. I know many people, and people do know... unless they're younger, just out or visiting, and then they think I'm the straight girl at the gay bar! As for visibility... I struggle with how to do it, or whether I really want it. Saskatoon is a pretty decent place, where if people don't approve of queerness, at least (among adults) they don't waste their breath or energy trying to hurt you. Besides... whenever I see a cute butch, I just give 'em the old eye-sex treatment. You know the one. Sultry eye contact, break away, see if they're still looking, telepathically communicate the desire for a drink and conversation, etc. When it works, it works!