Femme Invisibility?

Medusa · 03-21-2012, 11:49 AM

I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot

girl_dee · 03-21-2012, 12:18 PM

Carry one of these in your purse...

1QuirkyKiwi · 03-21-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Carry one of these in your purse...

I'd need to take the kitchen sink out, first! LOL!

Christy51274 · 03-21-2012, 12:55 PM

I'm a bit shy, so approaching a butch is out of the question for me (unless I've had a few shots of vodka, that is). I have to admit, I'm excellent when it comes to looking "hetero". I've lived this way most of my life, until I finally realized that I wasn't.

I'm considering getting a little tattoo, but have no idea where. I'm thinking maybe my wrist. Could be covered up by my watch when need be.

Any suggestions on tattoos?

Thanks ladies for your responses.

Quintease · 03-21-2012, 01:05 PM

I coped really well, but then I never expected to be acknowledged in the street.

I :

Live in gay areas

Used to have stickers on my car

Didn't wear earrings or too much colour

Didn't wear much jewellery at all

Didn't hang out with gay men or straight women in gay places

Didn't put pretty things in my hair

Didn't giggle unless I was drunk

Didn't humor straight men at. all.

Would complain to my friends about invisibility so they'd feel obliged to step in if someone misidentified me

Would dress down (slightly) or drag (queen) up when going to a gay venue or anywhere with majority gay.

It sounds sucky but it wasn't for me. It took away from a heteronormative appearance, so lesbians would pick up that I wasn't straight and men would think twice before hitting on me.

Now that I'm married and not worried about pulling women, I've noticed a difference. My style has become more tomboyish, yet lesbians are starting to ID me as straight. I'm convinced this is because I'm starting to break all of my own rules.

Christy51274 · 03-21-2012, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Carry one of these in your purse...

Cajun Dee...you made my day with that pic. LMAOOOOOO! My purse is probably large enough to carry those around too!

princessbelle · 03-21-2012, 12:58 PM

I do remember, in my single days, how this would frustrate me to no end!!!!!

Trying to catch their eyes so you could smile, the whole "I AM FEMME WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME" feeling. It really is hard to get butches/trans/FtMs attention out there in the real world.

I went through a drive through yesterday and there was the cutest little baby butch at the window. OMG she was probably 17 or so. I SOOOOOOOOO bad wanted to say to her...

"I'm family. Are you ok? Is your family accepting? Do you need a Momma to talk to or just a friend?"

Someone should come up with something we can say and not just the rainbow thingy cause heck my granny used to have a rainbow wind catcher. That's not enough. We need a code word or something so that butches or any part of our family hears it and thinks...oh cool "she's" one of us.

Or maybe a secret handshake.

Something!!!

Christy51274 · 03-21-2012, 01:27 PM

Princessbelle: I soooo agree with you. Thanks for posting!

Novelafemme · 03-21-2012, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot

I love this

I'm not trying to get noticed by anyone, but when I see other family members I try to go out of my way to make eye contact and smile, especially if I'm with my partner. Although, I do that with most everyone anyway, so

Christy51274 · 03-21-2012, 01:00 PM

I mostly wear black and neutral colors and I'm not into bright colors, really. Can't imagine myself wearing a rainbow. Cool for others, but not my thing. Oh well, maybe I'll get a silver double Venus symbol charm and wear the hell out of it. Guess, I can't go wrong with that. LOLL.

Gemme · 03-21-2012, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I deal with this all the time. I used to go to alt bars and the ONLY time I ever left with a number was when a gay guy gave it to me.

~hits head on desk~

All of my friends tell me that I am intimidating so that, combined with femme invisibility, really made it hard to meet anyone. Talk about frustrating!

I never learned any "solutions" so I am looking forward to the replies posted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollylane

I have had this problem so often, that at one point, I considered getting a tattoo on the back of my neck that looked like a clothing label with the word "Femme". Just because I got so tired of the conversation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot

I've thought about getting a necklace (silver only for me, please) that had Femme or FEMME in script but still legible. It's about the only obvious outward sign I would emit I think.

The only people I care about feeling invisible to are butches and transguys (my sisters see me more easily than they do), but I would still have to get close enough to them without sending out 'creepy girl sneaking up on me' vibes out before they could read it.

girl_dee · 03-21-2012, 01:02 PM

i think that is the thing that most don't get about Femme Invisibility. i am not about trying to catch a butch, it's about outing yourself as being family!

Gemme · 03-21-2012, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i think that is the thing that most don't get about Femme Invisibility. i am not about trying to catch a butch, it's about outing yourself as being family!

This is very true but I have noticed, for me, a distinct difference between the sister and the brother camp in terms of who notices me and recognizes me and who does not.

Maybe I should carry one of those boards.....

girl_dee · 03-21-2012, 01:14 PM

Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME"

princessbelle · 03-21-2012, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME"

Not bad but i have bangs.

girl_dee · 03-21-2012, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Not bad but i have bangs.

ohhhh we can fix that!

CherylNYC · 03-21-2012, 02:36 PM

I'm very much a tomboy, and not a high femme at all, except when I dress up for dates and events. I was at a leather event sharing a hotel room with a butch couple who know me as a femme lesbian, and their friend needed a place to stay for the last day of the event. She was a nice butch with some serious health issues, who was living on a shoestring budget, and not young.

Of course she was welcome to stay in the room at no charge since we three had already budgeted and paid. I made her a completely chaste offer of the other half of my queen hotel bed. She said, very strongly, that she preferred to sleep on the floor. She woke up at 4 AM with a serious asthma attack from sleeping on the floor. I demanded that she get up off the floor and sleep on the other side of my bed, threatening that I would sleep on the floor unless she got off it. Thankfully, that did the trick, and she spent a few restful hours in a proper bed.

I later asked my roommates what that was about. They had told the asthmatic butch that I was a big old dyke, but she had insisted that she was NOT going to sleep in a bed with a straight woman! She was quite sure of it. I HAD to be straight. WTF?

1QuirkyKiwi · 03-21-2012, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME"

Is the Shredded Wheat-Comb over Hair style that goes with compulsory?

Christy51274 · 03-21-2012, 01:31 PM

Cajun_Dee, you're a riot! LOLLL

UofMfan · 03-22-2012, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot

My ex had a silver necklace made with the word Femme in script. Not only was it beautiful, it sent a clear message.

She too got tired of being "invisible".

03-21-2012, 11:49 AM	#1
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,683 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

03-21-2012, 12:55 PM	#4
Christy51274 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: 100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?: Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Maryland (Somewhere near Baltimore) Posts: 77 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 246 Thanked 246 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 3494134	I'm a bit shy, so approaching a butch is out of the question for me (unless I've had a few shots of vodka, that is). I have to admit, I'm excellent when it comes to looking "hetero". I've lived this way most of my life, until I finally realized that I wasn't. I'm considering getting a little tattoo, but have no idea where. I'm thinking maybe my wrist. Could be covered up by my watch when need be. Any suggestions on tattoos? Thanks ladies for your responses. __________________ *“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~*

03-21-2012, 01:05 PM	#5
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	I coped really well, but then I never expected to be acknowledged in the street. I : Live in gay areas Used to have stickers on my car Didn't wear earrings or too much colour Didn't wear much jewellery at all Didn't hang out with gay men or straight women in gay places Didn't put pretty things in my hair Didn't giggle unless I was drunk Didn't humor straight men at. all. Would complain to my friends about invisibility so they'd feel obliged to step in if someone misidentified me Would dress down (slightly) or drag (queen) up when going to a gay venue or anywhere with majority gay. It sounds sucky but it wasn't for me. It took away from a heteronormative appearance, so lesbians would pick up that I wasn't straight and men would think twice before hitting on me. Now that I'm married and not worried about pulling women, I've noticed a difference. My style has become more tomboyish, yet lesbians are starting to ID me as straight. I'm convinced this is because I'm starting to break all of my own rules. __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.

03-21-2012, 12:58 PM	#7
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I do remember, in my single days, how this would frustrate me to no end!!!!! Trying to catch their eyes so you could smile, the whole "I AM FEMME WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME" feeling. It really is hard to get butches/trans/FtMs attention out there in the real world. I went through a drive through yesterday and there was the cutest little baby butch at the window. OMG she was probably 17 or so. I SOOOOOOOOO bad wanted to say to her... "I'm family. Are you ok? Is your family accepting? Do you need a Momma to talk to or just a friend?" Someone should come up with something we can say and not just the rainbow thingy cause heck my granny used to have a rainbow wind catcher. That's not enough. We need a code word or something so that butches or any part of our family hears it and thinks...oh cool "she's" one of us. Or maybe a secret handshake. Something!!! __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

03-21-2012, 01:27 PM	#8
Christy51274 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: 100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?: Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Maryland (Somewhere near Baltimore) Posts: 77 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 246 Thanked 246 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 3494134	Princessbelle: I soooo agree with you. Thanks for posting! __________________ *“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~*

03-21-2012, 12:18 PM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Carry one of these in your purse...

03-21-2012, 01:00 PM	#10
Christy51274 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: 100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?: Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Maryland (Somewhere near Baltimore) Posts: 77 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 246 Thanked 246 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 3494134	I mostly wear black and neutral colors and I'm not into bright colors, really. Can't imagine myself wearing a rainbow. Cool for others, but not my thing. Oh well, maybe I'll get a silver double Venus symbol charm and wear the hell out of it. Guess, I can't go wrong with that. LOLL. __________________ *“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~*

03-21-2012, 01:02 PM	#12
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i think that is the thing that most don't get about Femme Invisibility. i am not about trying to catch a butch, it's about outing yourself as being family!

03-21-2012, 01:14 PM	#14
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME"

03-21-2012, 02:36 PM	#17
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,111 Times in 1,205 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I'm very much a tomboy, and not a high femme at all, except when I dress up for dates and events. I was at a leather event sharing a hotel room with a butch couple who know me as a femme lesbian, and their friend needed a place to stay for the last day of the event. She was a nice butch with some serious health issues, who was living on a shoestring budget, and not young. Of course she was welcome to stay in the room at no charge since we three had already budgeted and paid. I made her a completely chaste offer of the other half of my queen hotel bed. She said, very strongly, that she preferred to sleep on the floor. She woke up at 4 AM with a serious asthma attack from sleeping on the floor. I demanded that she get up off the floor and sleep on the other side of my bed, threatening that I would sleep on the floor unless she got off it. Thankfully, that did the trick, and she spent a few restful hours in a proper bed. I later asked my roommates what that was about. They had told the asthmatic butch that I was a big old dyke, but she had insisted that she was NOT going to sleep in a bed with a straight woman! She was quite sure of it. I HAD to be straight. WTF? __________________ Cheryl

03-21-2012, 01:31 PM	#19
Christy51274 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: 100% High Femme, Submissive Preferred Pronoun?: Call me whatever you please. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Maryland (Somewhere near Baltimore) Posts: 77 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 246 Thanked 246 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 3494134	Cajun_Dee, you're a riot! LOLLL __________________ *“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill ~*