Butches and Body Image - Let's Talk About It

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by AlexHunter

Bringing the discussion back into the toilet...

I wonder... why do women feel the need to talk, look at themselves in the mirror, and worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? Really, do these people have two separate bathrooms at home - one for girls and one for boys? So what makes people so different out of the home? Why does using the bathroom need to be an adventure?

.

Alex, because I'm not butch I can't know what you go through, but you can't know what I go through either. Why do we worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? Because it's a place where we're in a vulnerable position with our pants down. Because if a man does deliberatly come into the women's room, he probably does have nefarious intent. Have women been assaulted by men in the bathroom? You bet. It once happened to a woman at one of my jobsites, and there was another recent case here in NYC. That one was particularly violent. I personally witnessed a young man stalk into the women's locker room so he could physically assault a woman he knew. Yes, the men really were predators.

Not looking hard enough to really see you is inexcusable. Harrassing and intimidating you out of the bathroom where you should belong is inexcusable. Women worrying about their person safety in the bathroom? I'll stop worrying when men stop assaulting women.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by AlexHunter

I wonder... why do women feel the need to talk, look at themselves in the mirror, and worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? Really, do these people have two separate bathrooms at home - one for girls and one for boys? So what makes people so different out of the home? Why does using the bathroom need to be an adventure?

I braced myself and walked in. I pretended to have tunnel vision. As I was peeing, I realized a lady complained to management about me. Two managers walked inside. One asked the other, "Is there a man in here? Is it a man or a woman?" The other replied with, "I don't know, I haven't seen it."

It??? Fucking IT???

People suck to the nth degree.

Originally Posted by boobookitty

just incase anyone really wants to know--

...why do women feel the need to talk, -- it helps them suss out their place in the pecking order. and who they might need to be afraid of.

...look at themselves in the mirror, -- females (the girly types) are trained to do this, their sense of self worth is tied to it.

...and worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? -- fear based, they worry if someone is a possible threat, they worry if someone else is sick (and possibly contagious )/ or might need help, they worry if a child is being treated correctly, they worry if their child is safe...

Really, do these people have two separate bathrooms at home - one for girls and one for boys?

...most likely not, but home is way safer...

So what makes people so different out of the home?
...fear

Why does using the bathroom need to be an adventure?
...all of the above,

Actually, I look in the mirror more to make sure I don't have a bat in the cave or spinach in my teeth more than anything. I don't care how smart or how pretty someone is, if they have one of the following, I'm going to have to try hard not to laugh. Because I have a 12 boy inside me that tends to laugh at that stuff.

I will assess the space when I initially walk in and before I leave for safety's sake. If my Spidey sense goes off, I leave. Immediately.

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Alex, because I'm not butch I can't know what you go through, but you can't know what I go through either. Why do we worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? Because it's a place where we're in a vulnerable position with our pants down. Because if a man does deliberatly come into the women's room, he probably does have nefarious intent. Have women been assaulted by men in the bathroom? You bet. It once happened to a woman at one of my jobsites, and there was another recent case here in NYC. That one was particularly violent. I personally witnessed a young man stalk into the women's locker room so he could physically assault a woman he knew. Yes, the men really were predators.

Not looking hard enough to really see you is inexcusable. Harrassing and intimidating you out of the bathroom where you should belong is inexcusable. Women worrying about their person safety in the bathroom? I'll stop worrying when men stop assaulting women.

Bathrooms are like traps. Enclosed. One exit. Not much room to maneuver should a fight occur. Safety's definitely a concern.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Alex, because I'm not butch I can't know what you go through, but you can't know what I go through either. Why do we worry about what others are doing in the bathroom? Because it's a place where we're in a vulnerable position with our pants down. Because if a man does deliberatly come into the women's room, he probably does have nefarious intent. Have women been assaulted by men in the bathroom? You bet. It once happened to a woman at one of my jobsites, and there was another recent case here in NYC. That one was particularly violent. I personally witnessed a young man stalk into the women's locker room so he could physically assault a woman he knew. Yes, the men really were predators.

Not looking hard enough to really see you is inexcusable. Harrassing and intimidating you out of the bathroom where you should belong is inexcusable. Women worrying about their person safety in the bathroom? I'll stop worrying when men stop assaulting women.

Yes! Exactly, Cheryl!

I am uber laxidazical at home and really don't ever double check things, but when I enter a public restroom ALL senses are on over-drive. I scan the floor and make a mental note of how many pairs of feet I see. I look in the mirror so I can get a better view of each stall, which doors are closed, etc. When I was around 10 there was a series of rapes happening at a local Denny's Restaurant. The victims were all young girls my age and Denny's was a restaurant my family frequented regularly since it was affordable for a large family such as ours. I remember being so scared that if I had to pee I would hold it until we got home. Then when we first moved to Tucson a man was stalking women at our local community college. He would hide in the restroom, standing on the toilet tank, and when there was only one woman there he would attack. He was finally caught but it really shook up our community.

On another note, since I have only ever been partnered with very butch women, I always accompany them to the restroom when we are out in public. From my personal experience, a smile, direct eye contact, and a hearty, "you doing ok?" defuses the situation almost immediately. And if you ever need a femme friend to accompany you, just grab me and off we'll go. Just last week at Target a gender ambiguous person was standing outside of the ladies bathroom looking absolutely terrified. As I approached to go in I smiled and asked my usual, "how are you doing?" and she smiled and said "I guess I'm ok." I asked if she wanted to walk in before me and she looked SO relieved and said yes.

So, as frustrated as I am for you guys, please know that for me it is about my personal safety. I am very trusting of just about everyone but I will admit that bio men have to work a little bit harder to earn that trust.