Are butches really a dying breed?

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Duchess

In my opinion, the only thing that's dying are all of the rules that were used to define a Butch's life.

• You have to be a top
• You have to be with a Femme
• You have to be head of household
• You can't bear children
• Etc.,etc.......

Makes me tired just thinking about it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting there's something wrong with the ideas I've listed nor am I suggesting that all Butches have felt the pressure to uphold a certain idea of what it means to be Butch. However, I have witnessed the torment in friends and a partner.

Cheers to living the life that truly makes you happy!!!

Duchess

Thank you for saying this.

Sometimes it feels we are a dying breed when, in reality, we are just morphing into ourselves, not adhering to preconceived notions or expectations, and doing experimenting of our own.

Defining oneself rather than being defined is very liberating and satisfying. Albeit, a bit confusing to some.

[Angeltoes]

Based on what I've read, 12% of the population is gay..maybe that's wrong, but based on that say half of that is lesbian and we're talking about 6% of population. How much of that percentage even ascribes to the butch/femme dynamic...? Even if you say half, that's 3%, half femme and half butch, so 1.5% of the population is butch...in America? How many of those butches live in Boise, Idaho?

*crickets* Not very many.

Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway. On this site we have lots of dreamy people, but in Boise I don't see butches looking for femmes for romance and commitment.

[Sun]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Based on what I've read, 12% of the population is gay..maybe that's wrong, but based on that say half of that is lesbian and we're talking about 6% of population. How much of that percentage even ascribes to the butch/femme dynamic...? Even if you say half, that's 3%, half femme and half butch, so 1.5% of the population is butch...in America? How many of those butches live in Boise, Idaho?

*crickets* Not very many.

Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway. On this site we have lots of dreamy people, but in Boise I don't see butches looking for femmes for romance and commitment.

You are right, the Butch Femme world can appear to be very small. Even in some urban area's the number of people who "get" the dynamic can be few and far between.

I want to speak to your comment on people looking for romance and a commitment. My experience is that the "right" person can be anywhere. You will hear me tell friends to stay open to meeting someone who they have a spark with and not to let location stand in the way. Sure, some people think that is just crazy but if someone is serious, and really wants to get to know you, they will move heaven and earth to do so.

There are many people that have done just that. Some folks are not tied to location and can relocate to pursue a relationship if it seems like the right thing to do. Life is short and we do not always get the chance to meet someone wonderful in our backyard. Sometimes it requires moving 3,000 miles away and starting over. That is what risk is all about and in matters of romance and commitment, risk is a given.

So please do not lose hope that someone is out there for you. The wonderful thing about this community is, as you say, there are dreamy people here who have already taken a risk just by being here and letting us see a little bit of who they are.

The numbers are just numbers. You have a lot more than numbers all around you.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Based on what I've read, 12% of the population is gay..maybe that's wrong, but based on that say half of that is lesbian and we're talking about 6% of population. How much of that percentage even ascribes to the butch/femme dynamic...? Even if you say half, that's 3%, half femme and half butch, so 1.5% of the population is butch...in America? How many of those butches live in Boise, Idaho?

*crickets* Not very many.

Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway. On this site we have lots of dreamy people, but in Boise I don't see butches looking for femmes for romance and commitment.

Really? I thought it was actually less than 10%, but perhaps I'm the one who's wrong--I've been wrong before. (If straight/bi butch women count--big "if"--then your final result might increase a tiny little bit, but something tells me they aren't super-common either and are also not the ones looking for a third for a three-way.)

[Duchess]

I Wrote A Good Omelet


I wrote a good omelet...and ate
a hot poem... after loving you

Buttoned my car...and drove my
coat home...in the rain...
after loving you


I goed on red...and stopped on
green...floating somewhere in between...
being here and being there...
after loving you


I rolled my bed...turned down
my hair...slightly
confused but...I don't care...


Laid out my teeth...and gargled my
gown...then I stood
...and laid me down...


To sleep...
after loving you

Written by Nikki Giovanni

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Based on what I've read, 12% of the population is gay..maybe that's wrong, but based on that say half of that is lesbian and we're talking about 6% of population. How much of that percentage even ascribes to the butch/femme dynamic...? Even if you say half, that's 3%, half femme and half butch, so 1.5% of the population is butch...in America? How many of those butches live in Boise, Idaho?

*crickets* Not very many.

Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway. On this site we have lots of dreamy people, but in Boise I don't see butches looking for femmes for romance and commitment.

Thats 12% accounted for.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Based on what I've read, 12% of the population is gay..maybe that's wrong, but based on that say half of that is lesbian and we're talking about 6% of population. How much of that percentage even ascribes to the butch/femme dynamic...? Even if you say half, that's 3%, half femme and half butch, so 1.5% of the population is butch...in America? How many of those butches live in Boise, Idaho?

*crickets* Not very many.


Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway.

On this site we have lots of dreamy people, but in Boise I don't see butches looking for femmes for romance and commitment.

Before I jump to any conclusions, I will give you the benefit of the doubt: did you just pack a couple of thoughts in one sentence?

I am referring to: "Maybe the lesbian population is larger than that, but it seems to me that most women are looking for someone to join them and their man in a threeway".

I am figuring you didn't mean lesbians were looking to join a straight couple in a three-way?

In regards to the scarcity of butches, I think that we need to get more creative in finding each other, since they don't generally knock on your door ( unless you invite them over).

Butches will never be a dying breed and neither will femmes; we are the other half of each other in this yin/yang dynamic that our souls need!

[NitroChrys_Butch]

I know plenty of strong, proud butches. "We" are certainly not dying out. We are not dinosaurs. As long as there are humans on the planet, there will be butches. It isn't a phase...it is human nature. I know many butch/butch, femme/femme and butch/femme couples. "We" are out there and if you haven't found your O/one yet, this person is looking for you, too.

I could put on scrubs and glove up, but it wouldn't make Me a Doctor. Moreso, I could wear a tutu but it SURE won't make Me a ballerina. Clothes are only a small part of the person whatever they may be. As is the label. It is only an outward sign of what is in their hearts, minds and souls. Granted, there are times when I dress a particular way that the clothes reinforce what is there... but it is only a reinforcement of what exists and is firmly in place.

[RockOn]

No but there is definitely a shortage of femmes!!!!!!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Brock

No but there is definitely a shortage of femmes!!!!!!

Well, we seem to be short on butches here in NYC. Perhaps we should organise an exchange program.

[RockOn]

I like your plan.

[TruTexan]

Shortage of butches? NOPE because I'm still kicking around. LOL
In my tiny redneck town in Texas, just an hour East of Dallas, there's a shortage of just being gay and lesbian. I seem to be the ONLY one, and I"m not kidding. no family around here for me, no community, no nothing but straight folks. I wish there was SOME sort of community or even a couple of lesbians here to talk to. LOL I THINK I"M GONNA LOSE MY MIND!!LOL