Abuse in butch-femme relationships

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by deedarino

Domestic violence screws with your head, terribly. It takes your self esteem to the ground and stomps it out. If you stay long enough, you don't know what is up or down, right or wrong, love or hate.

Once a victim, you need time. You need help, professional help. It sounds like you are still spinning, looking for answers to a question there are no answers for. You have to let your ex go, you can do nothing for her/him now. YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. You have to fix yourself.

Go learn to breathe, to stop thinking it over and over, learn to love yourself. Learn the warning signs and the ways to step around when you see it coming. Become strong enough to walk away from love if you need to.

The truth is, unless you do, you are at risk of it happening again.

Very good point deedarino.

Someone taught me this a long time ago and when you "get it" it does help and make things much easier in life....

Remember your love is yours. YOU choose who to give it too. You can feel love for many people but to give it to someone is a choice. No one can take it. No one can claim ownership of your heart. YOU control that.

Give it to those who deserve it. Whether it be relationship or friendship or family. Take that control back.

Hugs to you in this difficult time.

[Dude]

One more story about an ex coworker of mine and then I'll shut up.
Gorgeous woman, immepecible dresser,this woman has a million things going for her. Great personality ,sweet ,caring mother and grandmother.
The kind of woman who other women envy for her looks ,body and put together stuff.
She's been with a very handsome,very charming but mentally abusive ass for fifteen years. He insults and degrades her daily. She believes him and has zero self esteem. She tried moving in with her daughter 2000 miles away,
two years ago.She came back to him with the excuse she had a lot of stuff here, still in their (his) house.
Shit is getting bad again, she's selling things and plans on moving to her daughters again, this time for good. He wants her to sell her car which is the only thing
she has left AND her only escape. Fifteen years with this man and she is not on the mortgage.
He's like a drug to her that she just cant seem to stop.
This time she's talking more about the abuse and is keeping her escape a secret.
She now suddenly see's that coming back was a choice and a very unhealthy one.
After giving it fifteen years of her life to get better, her denial is fortunately and finally, fading.

Dancer,
I do have to say it seems weird that your looking for butch's while going
through all this emotional, upheaval in your life. You would be using someone to make yourself feel better and if you would'nt want that done to you, then dont do it.
Counseling will help you learn about you ( who you really are) and what makes you happy.