would you date someone with significantly different beliefs?

[Silverseastar]

I would date someone with different beliefs but not with different VALUES. Beliefs are relative and change over time but values are fixed and won't change.

So someone can believe what they like and as their partner you can see that shift over time but what they value will never change. Just as what they don't value won't change either.

For instance I value good communication, kindness, love in action, family/friends as examples. The way in which I hold those doesn't change for me over time.

However how that is expressed might.

[aishah]

Originally Posted by Silverseastar

I would date someone with different beliefs but not with different VALUES. Beliefs are relative and change over time but values are fixed and won't change.

So someone can believe what they like and as their partner you can see that shift over time but what they value will never change. Just as what they don't value won't change either.

For instance I value good communication, kindness, love in action, family/friends as examples. The way in which I hold those doesn't change for me over time.

However how that is expressed might.

i think this is an interesting post, mostly because i have a pretty defined system of values/principles that i use on a day-to-day basis, that are probably more specific and contextual than what you mean here by values. my partners don't necessarily share this entire list of values, though they do share some. for me it's important that our values not conflict.

re: what others have posted...i loved reading everyone's responses so far. i definitely agree that i wouldn't date someone who i think is unethical, dishonest, or bigoted, but to me being a conservative republican (or having some other specific label) doesn't necessarily mean that one falls into that category.

i also definitely get what was said about other things (goals, plans for the future, money, kids, etc.) often being more important than beliefs when it comes to compatibility. i guess i'm just fascinated by the ways in which beliefs play into compatibility. i definitely do not think it is the only or even the main factor for some folks.

edited to add: i also think the notion of "values" in general is pretty interesting. i don't know that many people who expressly articulate their values to themselves or others...i feel like i don't have a sense of someone's values until i know them very well and it's not one of those things that people usually ask directly. and i've dated people who i'm not sure if they could have said what their values are, if asked.

[EnderD_503]

I guess it would depend on what those beliefs are. It's not so much the "different" as what the "different" is, I guess. I would never date someone who would vote conservative in this country, because to me that directly intersects with a lot of social issues on homelessness, basic rights, immigration, health care, education etc. To me, if you identify with/support conservatism in Canada, it likely means you don't care about certain groups of people (the homeless, immigrants, "illegal" immigrants, queer community, sex workers etc)...ergo, no thanks... I don't identify with any particular political ideology, personally, and all I can say is I'm very far left. So there are many people that I'm going to agree with or disagree with, since there are a lot of people who do affiliate themselves with one particular ideology. However, to me certain affiliations/politics do signify a tendency towards sexism/racism/transphobia/homophobia/ableism etc. I think that's one of the many reasons I will only date queer women/people.

On religion...it's tough. I'm an atheist and generally prefer others who are atheists/non-spiritual people. But I also recognise that some people don't try to force it on others, try to make it a part of their partners' lives by extension and don't interpret religion as others do. I also think that certain religious beliefs and interpretations can severely affect how they see certain issues. So can a lot of things, including cultural background, and yet if both partners are understanding of that you can definitely easily overcome it. So for religion, I'll say I would rarely be with someone who wasn't an atheist and/or non-spiritual/actively practicing, but also recognise that I have been with people who are religious and might do so again, but it depends on the "type" of religiousness and how it affects me as a partner.

[~ocean]

of course i would , acceptance !!!

[Library_girl]

SHORT ANSWER: Yes

LONG ANSWER:

As many have said, it depends on several factors. And its different for everyone. I see that some posters have mentioned differences in religion, such a common difference in relationships. Yes, I have dated and married people of different religions than my own, and also the same as my own. My late husband (FTM) was a devout Christian, and I was pagan. It was a serious problem, unfortunately. Out of respect for hys memory, I'll leave it at that. I'm now an atheist, and I have dated an atheist. The relationship didn't work out, but it had nothing to do with our spiritual beliefs (lack of) and opinions. Having atheism in common was great! There's also something to be said about the difference between dating someone (as the original question was posed) and entering into a long-term relationship or marriage with someone. Personally, I think I could accept some differences in a dating situation that maybe I could not accept in a marriage. Make sense?

But some things are deal-breakers. Must love animals, period. Must abhor hunting, period. Racism, sexism, and lots of other -isms are not allowed. Love of libraries required. Must be pro-choice. Must be anti-censorship. And some other important stuff too.

Who they voted for in the 1980's.....that's just an interesting conversation. The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? No biggie.

[Amber2010]

would you date someone with significantly different beliefs?

Yes I would but:
It all depends on if you can agree to disagree. My beliefs are very strong and my partner and I have had many discussions about religion. I do try to steer away from it since the old saying is "there are two things you don't discuss.. politics and religion." We have been able to talk about things and I have even gone to his church with him. It doesn't change my strong belief in how my religion looks to the word of God.

[Silverseastar]

As an example of what I meant: I would date someone with a different religious belief system than I if it had the same VALUES within it. Where it comes into conflict for me is if the values diverge greatly. So if the religion was an accepting one that encouraged tolerance, love, and understanding, which are my values, I could be far more accepting of it in a partner.

On the other hand if their spiritual beliefs were about control, exclusion, and judgement, I would really struggle with it.

However the beliefs are irrelevant to me- time travel, that God is a man in a cloud somewhere, that there are Gods and Goddesses that rule our choices and emotions, that there is no God. All of those sorts of things don't matter to me. It's how they are expressed that does.

Hope that clarifies a little

[Gráinne]

I can and have dated someone with very different views; you don't need to have deep conversations in order to have lunch with someone or see a movie. However, I've not tried a serious relationship when I knew going in that the other person and I were very different in beliefs, practice and values.

That said, without enough compatibility in values and outlook, a relationship will get very rocky. I think it depends on how strongly you both hold to your beliefs and how much you are able to compromise. But it's a mistake to compromise yourself right out of beliefs you hold tightly just to make yourself look more compatible with your partner.

[Jaques]

Depends on what beliefs they have, if they had radical beliefs of any kind, we would probably not gell as im not radical about anything, im open minded as is my missus and though we are very different people, we are both happy to listen to and respect others views and feelings - after all we change as time goes on and people are seldom in the same place they were 10 yrs or sometimes even l0 days ago.

[Kätzchen]

The short answer: No.

The long answer: No.

And I definitely will not date anybody who is a fan of a sports club (football or basketball or soccer or tennis, for example) who is of extreme beliefs or who lives in a red state or whose political beliefs are found to be of the GOP type of beliefs. Also, I will not date anybody who claims to be Christian or abides by such religiosity that is extreme in any way shape or form.


I’m not open to dating now (or ever), but when that tide changes for me, I might consider dating again. But for now, No.

Not to be extreme or anything, but No means No.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Library_girl

Who they voted for in the 1980's.....that's just an interesting conversation. The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? No biggie.

Now, that brings up a very good point. If they insist on listening to boy bands while I am in the car, we can't date. That is a total dealbreaker!