would you date someone with significantly different beliefs?

[Silverseastar]

As an example of what I meant: I would date someone with a different religious belief system than I if it had the same VALUES within it. Where it comes into conflict for me is if the values diverge greatly. So if the religion was an accepting one that encouraged tolerance, love, and understanding, which are my values, I could be far more accepting of it in a partner.

On the other hand if their spiritual beliefs were about control, exclusion, and judgement, I would really struggle with it.

However the beliefs are irrelevant to me- time travel, that God is a man in a cloud somewhere, that there are Gods and Goddesses that rule our choices and emotions, that there is no God. All of those sorts of things don't matter to me. It's how they are expressed that does.

Hope that clarifies a little

[Gráinne]

I can and have dated someone with very different views; you don't need to have deep conversations in order to have lunch with someone or see a movie. However, I've not tried a serious relationship when I knew going in that the other person and I were very different in beliefs, practice and values.

That said, without enough compatibility in values and outlook, a relationship will get very rocky. I think it depends on how strongly you both hold to your beliefs and how much you are able to compromise. But it's a mistake to compromise yourself right out of beliefs you hold tightly just to make yourself look more compatible with your partner.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Library_girl

Who they voted for in the 1980's.....that's just an interesting conversation. The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? No biggie.

Now, that brings up a very good point. If they insist on listening to boy bands while I am in the car, we can't date. That is a total dealbreaker!

[aishah]

Originally Posted by guihong

That said, without enough compatibility in values and outlook, a relationship will get very rocky. I think it depends on how strongly you both hold to your beliefs and how much you are able to compromise. But it's a mistake to compromise yourself right out of beliefs you hold tightly just to make yourself look more compatible with your partner.

i found this perspective really interesting - thank you for sharing.

it hasn't held true for me in my current relationship (at least not in six years, things could definitely change). i have my beliefs and he has his, and we both feel pretty strongly...some of them we share, a LOT of them we definitely don't. but situations don't frequently come up where we have to compromise on our beliefs. i mean, i could see this being an issue if...say...he didn't believe in birth control. but very rarely do we have beliefs that directly affect each other.

i definitely can see it affecting my last relationship though - with the embedded belief that my previous partner HAD to marry someone who was christian. that definitely ended up being detrimental to the relationship.

[Jaques]

Depends on what beliefs they have, if they had radical beliefs of any kind, we would probably not gell as im not radical about anything, im open minded as is my missus and though we are very different people, we are both happy to listen to and respect others views and feelings - after all we change as time goes on and people are seldom in the same place they were 10 yrs or sometimes even l0 days ago.

[Cailin]

I won't lie and say that I don't long to find someone that has similiar beliefs as I do. Being pagan, I have found alot of stigma from people, and sadly just recently from within the lgtbq community. I would love to have someone I could go to drummings and pagan outings with, and not have them feel out of place. However, I have dated several christians and catholics and had no problems what so ever. The christian was one of the loves of my life, and I hold her dear to my heart even to this day. I think the biggest point in the "major differences" is how open minded the person is. You can easily be with someone, and love them, and have such different beliefs, as long as that respect is there. Also, being pagan and a lesban, I also get alot of people confused that I am not a democrat (lol... yeaaa, you read that right) Nor am I a republican. I consider myself a "conservative liberal", if that makes any sense to anyone. I found someone once, who was the same way, and even a "spiritual" person which leans more towards being pagan. I have to tell you, it was horrible. In the end, it all builds up towards respecting another persons beliefs and if you can be open minded about it.

[foxyshaman]

I would not date anyone with significant different spiritual beliefs. It does not work; I know from experience. I put, some weeks, hours into my shamanic work. Whether it be with clients, public speaking, writing workshops or teaching. My partners have to know they come second (tied with my kids) and that they will never be first in my life. And that... is ALOT to ask of anyone. So much in fact, I am not sure I will ever be in a relationship again. It causes huge problems. An example "I am supposed to see my GF that night. In the morning we talk about what we are going to do. And then after a full day of regular work, I come home work on my patient.. and voila... I have nothing left to give anyone.". It makes me feel just horrible and torn. I want to be a good partner, but sometimes I just fail. And fail miserably. It can truly be devastating. Explaining over and over again why I am not there, or even here at times.

It is also difficult not to have a partner when I am working spiritually very hard. Sometimes, I really miss someone there who loves me and just knows how to to take care of me; help me remember what to pack for ...whatever I am off to do. Or hold me when I am a husk of a human being. A true Hollow Bone.

My last two relationships broke, to a very large extent, because of the demands on my time. I can have a very strict life because I have a vocation most people will never have to experience. Sometimes I envy people who are not called. Sometimes I would trade places in a heartbeat.

I have very leftist views in politics. And can have a completely Aries/Warrior response in political debates. However, amongst my friends, we share similar viewpoints. For which I am quite grateful. A gal has to catch a break somewhere <insert rueful grin here>

[Kätzchen]

The short answer: No.

The long answer: No.

And I definitely will not date anybody who is a fan of a sports club (football or basketball or soccer or tennis, for example) who is of extreme beliefs or who lives in a red state or whose political beliefs are found to be of the GOP type of beliefs. Also, I will not date anybody who claims to be Christian or abides by such religiosity that is extreme in any way shape or form.


I’m not open to dating now (or ever), but when that tide changes for me, I might consider dating again. But for now, No.

Not to be extreme or anything, but No means No.