Your relationship with your mom.

[luv2luvgirls]

I have a great relationship with my mom. She didnt always make the best choices in our lives when we were little.. and emotionally withdrew quite often (all from her own issues). But she has come along way with all the talks we have had over the yrs. I used to wonder why all my friends wanted my life and my mom *shrugs* guess I didnt show just what was up in our "home".. but I have to give her credit,back then she remembered what it was like not having the best clothes or the like so she would make sure we had the latest threads,(course then we had to move coz no money to pay bills) or maybe it was from something else.. but thats another story not about mom.

as far as my being butch.. its taken awhile. She used to be so unbending on her views when I first was coming out at 19. been alot of back and forth with us over this,it was just recently after I moved her in with me over the last 4 yrs that she has accepted how I feel about who I am. She must have been doing research on it cuz a yr or so ago she asked me who was the top and bottom I about fell out She still has a hard time refering to me as a boi but hey I know she accepts who I am. I also know she loves me and has the heart to love my partner. One thing I can say is she has always loved mine and my siblings partners,or spouses like her own kids. She does love poeple.
And she cracks me up with her new questions all the time now SMH I guess the internet is good

[Jess]

oh boy.. it just gets more interesting all the time... chuckles... will be back to this when I have some time to really think about it.

[morningstar55]

wow hadnt seen this thread in a while....
i have to tell ......
like cuddly ...... my mom n I are like oil and water too.
and as well..... anything i have done with my life , jobs , friends, whom i dated.. was not good enough.
she likes my art and is proud of that... but feels i need to have a working hard job to have a full filling work thing not a sit down job relaxing.
and im serious these are her words and ideas of things.
the men are above me...... she will cater to them as like my brothers.
she will be there me sometimes...
nothing i do is right , she dogs me about my wieght , how i sit, walk, you name it. my life style. there is no pleasing her.
i dont know why ..... I put up with her . there are times even lately i will go shopping with her, and she will be ok for a while and sometimes she will start her bashing stuff .. and i have sat there in quiet tears. i dont know why i put myself thru that..
it makes me want to just stop the car and get out.
and maybe i should...... that will give her something to think about im sure. ha..but then im sure she will say im being rediculous.
she is 77 and very active , still drives and such.. complains about some aches and pains is about it.
maybe i am the way i am ... and lack confidence in myself.
and never amounted to much.....took 5 yrs of graphic design and well now i i drive a truck.

[macele]

my momma deserves anything and everything i can give her. when i was a child, i had a great fear of losing her to death. i absolutely didn't see how i could live without her. i'm 45 now and she is 87. i still don't see how i can live without her.

she's doing very well for her age. a strong will. everything she loves, she loves it with a passionate strength. her memory comes and goes, and when i look into her eyes and i don't see that passion, my heart breaks.

i grew up with menopause LOL, ... let me tell you, ... that was a whole lot of "what did i do!" but the memories are for keeps. i grew up with nieces and a nephew. two are a couple years older than me. she gave us homemade biscuits and homemade chocolate syrup. the piano. a swing from the left side of the batter's box. laughter and love. her influence gave us a place to draw strength from.

she grew up poor with an abusive father. but she never let that define her. she chose to be kind and gentle, loving. the stories she has told, ... make me wonder how she could not be cold and damaged. i guess to some degree she is, but i've never felt it.

she doesn't accept homosexuality as "right". but i'm ok with that. that's her belief. she is entitled to that. i don't want anyone to change what they believe. and i don't want anyone to try and change what i feel. we go round and round about a lot of different things lol. my view is to always be open minded. hers is to be landmark missionary baptist. the two views love one another.

she's not perfect. not even close. but i wouldn't know what gambaru means today without her. she let me be a tomboy, ... not once did she say no, you can't do that. she said, you can be anything you set your mind to. she's 87 and when she senses that i don't feel well or something is bothering me, ... the mother in her stands up. she still puts me first. that's what a momma does.

[Dude]

I am surprised with myself, that I never posted in here.
My mom passed in 2005 , three days after my younger sisters birthday.
It was me, who served her those last tiny morsels of food ( or should I say, begged her to eat and drink) at my sisters birthday party.
She hung on with all she had left ,for my sisters day.
I was unsure about taking my dog to the party (food-obsessed, golden retriever,couch potato) or to camp out there with me, during those last few days.
It turned out, that "Emma" ( my dog's name) was her last spoken word and seeing my dog was her last smile.
My dog and hers, barely left her side (but to pee) on her last days.
My dog was a bridge for us, in many ways. It's hard to fight with someone
who loves your dog as much as you. I had to go to the best "horse blinder place" I could muster and focus on staying there.
We were estranged for years, many times. Ten years, was the longest time.
Emma developed cancer herself a year after this and I had to put her down

I had to visualize mom and my dad both as kids who really did not GET what they needed either. Not nurtured and not given affection. My mom was an incest survivor from both her father and older brother.
People did not get help for shit like that, in her time.
Mom and I, made our peace and became very close in that last year.
I always wonder how different she would have been, without my father's control over her and her childhood history.
We all thought, Dad would be the first to go.
She saved my hide often from my fathers rage.
I learned to forgive her for all the times she just couldn't.
I was so close to being the boy he always wanted, and yet wasn't.

She used to insist on doing my laundry even as old as 35 , just to spend time with me.
Grieving her will always be a part of me, now it seems.
She deserves to be remembered like that and a big fancy embellished plaque on her drawer, up on the hill ,with the beautiful view.
I'm still trying to do this for her, seven years later.
This is gonna be THE year.
She spoiled me in many ways and I miss her something fucking awful.


spring time is the hardest for me
I try hard not to stuff it
With mothers day coming
and in June, her birthday (again)
it's been fucking impossible to stuff ,this year (THE year)

I went from black sheep my entire life to her favorite
with a phone call every day , quality time spent with her
and a razor (snort)
Morphine and a razor helped her (A LOT) not to worry (so fucking much) about what people thought about the hairy butch she gave birth to.
She couldnt see past my lip hair so I fixed it so she could and I would do it again. I grossed her out totally once when I yanked my first gray 1/4 inch long mustache hair and saved it for her. ( for humor purposes)
I'm sure she is ecstatic, that I'm shaving it daily.
I would love to hear her nag at me (like only a mother can) again about
pretty much anything.
Hairy lips on anyone ,were not her thing and I forgive her for that too.

All the good things that I am , I learned and got from her.

[Wolfsong]

My mom is really sick. It isn't going to get better and this is only the beginning. I am afraid and angry and not ready for this at all. We are not done yet, she and I, but I don't think any amount of time will be enough. I don't think I will ever be enough.

I lost my temper with her the other day and I am ashamed about it. I know she isn't quite herself. Those buttons when pushed just hurt so damn much. I don't know why I'm telling any of you this stuff. I'm not the kind to put my personal shit out there for attention. This isn't happening to me, but to her. I feel so small.

[rustedrims]

My relationship has changed with mom..
I told her a while ago to stop hugging me..It felt uncomfortable..It hurt her feelings..I feel bad for that but i cant do it now..

She didnt stick up for me..
Things got distorted more than i can ever imagine in my life time..


snowballed..


s..

[Tuff Stuff]

I always saw mother as a very strong and stubborn independent woman.She was a survivor and a born leader.I thought she was very beautiful and i learned alot from her watching how she handled her affairs in her daily life and most importantly how she handled other people...she had a big heart but could cut you down with one or two words..rough to watch at times,especially when she was not in a very good mood that day and would totally fuck strangers over with her mouth alone,just for the fun of it,and sometimes it was with a complete stranger who did(in my opinion)not deserve to be cut down the way she would cut them down..like a dog killing an innocent cat,brutal to watch.She loved her family,but she suffered from bouts of depression and alcoholism..my father had the same problems.My mother ruled over her husband...we're talking with an iron fist here *snort*...she ruled over most of her family like this...she knew how to push all your buttons at once.Everyone that is except for me.I am known in my family for my stubborness...death,is the only thing that can change my mind if I really want something badly enough..at 47,I have not changed much.Mother found that out about me at the tender age of 11...at that age I ran away from her and she chased me all over trying to get me back in her life..I had my own rules when we finally reunited,and I just turned 17.She loved me,she showed it.She wanted to live through me and she would sometimes copy me through my actions..it was kind of an honor when she would do that.As I mention before,our relationship was not perfect...she could hurt me emotionally,I would hurt her emotionally and mentally...it was sooo fucking bad at times between us.I watched both my parents grow old and deteriorate..i miss them both,equally.

[ProfPacker]

I have a very conflictual relationship with my mother. I have not spoken to her since April because of the depression I experience after talking to her. I married her (rageacholic and my father, alcoholic) in one person. I feel very guilty and go back and about whether to call her. She can be very deceptive and I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I just know that if I let her back in my life I will be coming and going between setting boundaries with my ex and her emotional abuse (contact continues because of the kids) and my mom (emotional abuse)

[rocky 781]

When I came out to my mom at age 18 she told it was phase and that I would get over it. It took us ten years to work past that but in my mindseyes I see her accepting me inwardly and when she past we wer the best of friends sharing everything.I had to tell her it was alright to let go that I would be alright without her my best friend.