Your relationship with your mom.

[morningstar55]

wow hadnt seen this thread in a while....
i have to tell ......
like cuddly ...... my mom n I are like oil and water too.
and as well..... anything i have done with my life , jobs , friends, whom i dated.. was not good enough.
she likes my art and is proud of that... but feels i need to have a working hard job to have a full filling work thing not a sit down job relaxing.
and im serious these are her words and ideas of things.
the men are above me...... she will cater to them as like my brothers.
she will be there me sometimes...
nothing i do is right , she dogs me about my wieght , how i sit, walk, you name it. my life style. there is no pleasing her.
i dont know why ..... I put up with her . there are times even lately i will go shopping with her, and she will be ok for a while and sometimes she will start her bashing stuff .. and i have sat there in quiet tears. i dont know why i put myself thru that..
it makes me want to just stop the car and get out.
and maybe i should...... that will give her something to think about im sure. ha..but then im sure she will say im being rediculous.
she is 77 and very active , still drives and such.. complains about some aches and pains is about it.
maybe i am the way i am ... and lack confidence in myself.
and never amounted to much.....took 5 yrs of graphic design and well now i i drive a truck.

[macele]

my momma deserves anything and everything i can give her. when i was a child, i had a great fear of losing her to death. i absolutely didn't see how i could live without her. i'm 45 now and she is 87. i still don't see how i can live without her.

she's doing very well for her age. a strong will. everything she loves, she loves it with a passionate strength. her memory comes and goes, and when i look into her eyes and i don't see that passion, my heart breaks.

i grew up with menopause LOL, ... let me tell you, ... that was a whole lot of "what did i do!" but the memories are for keeps. i grew up with nieces and a nephew. two are a couple years older than me. she gave us homemade biscuits and homemade chocolate syrup. the piano. a swing from the left side of the batter's box. laughter and love. her influence gave us a place to draw strength from.

she grew up poor with an abusive father. but she never let that define her. she chose to be kind and gentle, loving. the stories she has told, ... make me wonder how she could not be cold and damaged. i guess to some degree she is, but i've never felt it.

she doesn't accept homosexuality as "right". but i'm ok with that. that's her belief. she is entitled to that. i don't want anyone to change what they believe. and i don't want anyone to try and change what i feel. we go round and round about a lot of different things lol. my view is to always be open minded. hers is to be landmark missionary baptist. the two views love one another.

she's not perfect. not even close. but i wouldn't know what gambaru means today without her. she let me be a tomboy, ... not once did she say no, you can't do that. she said, you can be anything you set your mind to. she's 87 and when she senses that i don't feel well or something is bothering me, ... the mother in her stands up. she still puts me first. that's what a momma does.

[Dude]

I am surprised with myself, that I never posted in here.
My mom passed in 2005 , three days after my younger sisters birthday.
It was me, who served her those last tiny morsels of food ( or should I say, begged her to eat and drink) at my sisters birthday party.
She hung on with all she had left ,for my sisters day.
I was unsure about taking my dog to the party (food-obsessed, golden retriever,couch potato) or to camp out there with me, during those last few days.
It turned out, that "Emma" ( my dog's name) was her last spoken word and seeing my dog was her last smile.
My dog and hers, barely left her side (but to pee) on her last days.
My dog was a bridge for us, in many ways. It's hard to fight with someone
who loves your dog as much as you. I had to go to the best "horse blinder place" I could muster and focus on staying there.
We were estranged for years, many times. Ten years, was the longest time.
Emma developed cancer herself a year after this and I had to put her down

I had to visualize mom and my dad both as kids who really did not GET what they needed either. Not nurtured and not given affection. My mom was an incest survivor from both her father and older brother.
People did not get help for shit like that, in her time.
Mom and I, made our peace and became very close in that last year.
I always wonder how different she would have been, without my father's control over her and her childhood history.
We all thought, Dad would be the first to go.
She saved my hide often from my fathers rage.
I learned to forgive her for all the times she just couldn't.
I was so close to being the boy he always wanted, and yet wasn't.

She used to insist on doing my laundry even as old as 35 , just to spend time with me.
Grieving her will always be a part of me, now it seems.
She deserves to be remembered like that and a big fancy embellished plaque on her drawer, up on the hill ,with the beautiful view.
I'm still trying to do this for her, seven years later.
This is gonna be THE year.
She spoiled me in many ways and I miss her something fucking awful.


spring time is the hardest for me
I try hard not to stuff it
With mothers day coming
and in June, her birthday (again)
it's been fucking impossible to stuff ,this year (THE year)

I went from black sheep my entire life to her favorite
with a phone call every day , quality time spent with her
and a razor (snort)
Morphine and a razor helped her (A LOT) not to worry (so fucking much) about what people thought about the hairy butch she gave birth to.
She couldnt see past my lip hair so I fixed it so she could and I would do it again. I grossed her out totally once when I yanked my first gray 1/4 inch long mustache hair and saved it for her. ( for humor purposes)
I'm sure she is ecstatic, that I'm shaving it daily.
I would love to hear her nag at me (like only a mother can) again about
pretty much anything.
Hairy lips on anyone ,were not her thing and I forgive her for that too.

All the good things that I am , I learned and got from her.

[Wolfsong]

My mom is really sick. It isn't going to get better and this is only the beginning. I am afraid and angry and not ready for this at all. We are not done yet, she and I, but I don't think any amount of time will be enough. I don't think I will ever be enough.

I lost my temper with her the other day and I am ashamed about it. I know she isn't quite herself. Those buttons when pushed just hurt so damn much. I don't know why I'm telling any of you this stuff. I'm not the kind to put my personal shit out there for attention. This isn't happening to me, but to her. I feel so small.

[rustedrims]

My relationship has changed with mom..
I told her a while ago to stop hugging me..It felt uncomfortable..It hurt her feelings..I feel bad for that but i cant do it now..

She didnt stick up for me..
Things got distorted more than i can ever imagine in my life time..


snowballed..


s..

[skeeter_01]

my mom and i have a wierd but wonderful relationship...when i was a teenager she was VERY abusive...and i was her favorite target...

thousands of dollars of therapy later...i have gotten to the place where i have forgiven her...

right now...we have the best realtionship we've ever had...it's NO WHERE near perfect but it's good!...

i just have to say though...as far as unconditional love...that was my gramma...God i miss her!!

[stonewalldog]

I would describe my mom as a land mine. You never know when you stepped wrong and she would go off. But things have been good because I live 1500 miles away. Until recently, I would have said that we had a good relationship.
The key phrase "until recently".

So. I have been out for decades now. My wife and I had a commitment ceremony a long time ago. (I remember the event but not the year!) We got legally married in 2008 during the short window it was legal in California. I don't think about being gay or butch or any of that stuff anymore. Deborah and I hardly have any gay or lesbian friends, male or female, probably because our hobbies aren't that gay conducive. I hunt and fish in California where, in my experience, there is a prevalence of vegen and vegetarian lesbians. Deborah's hobby is competitive Dressage. In our daily lives, lesbian issues don't really come up.

Back to my mother. Deborah is an attorney. She does some legal work for a friend of ours mother who, in lieu of payment, offers us her condo on Catalina Island for a week. We decide to go on the week on my Birthday last February. My mom has been widowed a couple years now so we thought it would be fun for her to come to visit that part of California with us. Deborah has a gay nephew named Ramon in Southern California that we hardly see, so, he and his boyfriend, Shey, were invited as well.

I haven't spent much time with Ramon and Shey. I found them to be delightful, easy going young men. Shey has a big personality. He is very flamboyant and all the flaming queen adjectives. I just adore him.

So, back to my mother. After we leave the island and the first time my mother is alone with me, she starts putting down Shey. Saying that he is "just acting out" and "being a stereo type". She said he made her comfortable. Now, the first time she said these negative things, I just let it go. I probably said something like "if he is happy, who is he harming" so some such thing. Then a couple days later, after we had been back at my home, she brings it up again. This time she says that "if that is what Ramon wants in a partner then he should just get a woman".

I went off. I told her that her attitude is wrong. I don't know but suspect, that Deborah's relatives say the same about me. Why didn't Deborah just get a man! My mom flinched at that or maybe my anger. I don't know which. But I have taken this very personally. I have gone from talking to her everyday since my father's illness and subsequent death to calling maybe once a week.

Am I wrong to still be pissed? Am I wrong to think that she doesn't see Me? I am not the kind of person who holds a grudge but I am having a hard time forgiving my mom over this.

[Tuff Stuff]

I always saw mother as a very strong and stubborn independent woman.She was a survivor and a born leader.I thought she was very beautiful and i learned alot from her watching how she handled her affairs in her daily life and most importantly how she handled other people...she had a big heart but could cut you down with one or two words..rough to watch at times,especially when she was not in a very good mood that day and would totally fuck strangers over with her mouth alone,just for the fun of it,and sometimes it was with a complete stranger who did(in my opinion)not deserve to be cut down the way she would cut them down..like a dog killing an innocent cat,brutal to watch.She loved her family,but she suffered from bouts of depression and alcoholism..my father had the same problems.My mother ruled over her husband...we're talking with an iron fist here *snort*...she ruled over most of her family like this...she knew how to push all your buttons at once.Everyone that is except for me.I am known in my family for my stubborness...death,is the only thing that can change my mind if I really want something badly enough..at 47,I have not changed much.Mother found that out about me at the tender age of 11...at that age I ran away from her and she chased me all over trying to get me back in her life..I had my own rules when we finally reunited,and I just turned 17.She loved me,she showed it.She wanted to live through me and she would sometimes copy me through my actions..it was kind of an honor when she would do that.As I mention before,our relationship was not perfect...she could hurt me emotionally,I would hurt her emotionally and mentally...it was sooo fucking bad at times between us.I watched both my parents grow old and deteriorate..i miss them both,equally.

[ProfPacker]

I have a very conflictual relationship with my mother. I have not spoken to her since April because of the depression I experience after talking to her. I married her (rageacholic and my father, alcoholic) in one person. I feel very guilty and go back and about whether to call her. She can be very deceptive and I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I just know that if I let her back in my life I will be coming and going between setting boundaries with my ex and her emotional abuse (contact continues because of the kids) and my mom (emotional abuse)

[rocky 781]

When I came out to my mom at age 18 she told it was phase and that I would get over it. It took us ten years to work past that but in my mindseyes I see her accepting me inwardly and when she past we wer the best of friends sharing everything.I had to tell her it was alright to let go that I would be alright without her my best friend.