How did/will you treat your children?

[Firedance]

So, the thing is…

Since early childhood I have been really invested in having kids and giving them a good start in life. You know, the one I didn't get. I mean, I knew my parents had screwed up, but I thought the model, (Hetero) was the way to go. You know… One Dad, one Mom, both working together to create this safe time and place for the little ones to grow and develop. This is something I had to do. A deep need I have. To nurture life. And yeah, part of it is redemption… righting wrongs, Karmic balance taken into my own hands. A need to prove with my own life, my own actions that humanity IS a beautiful thing. To make that ultimate of optimistic bets, with the highest possible stakes. Life IS a thing of beauty. I had 4 children to prove this to the universe. My ultimate act of defiance. "I WILL bring these precious, helpless creatures into existence, and I will love, nurture, & protect them with every ounce of my strength. And it WILL BE enough.

I am gabling with their lives. I feel this tremendous pressure to NOT FUCK UP!!!

The attempt to fit myself into a mould that wasn't me was warping who I am. I've worked HARD, to put this smile on my face. I am a happy fucking person. I experience joy, and profound meaning in my daily life. Except I wasn't. I found myself expending more and more energy bottling up rage. Constant rage. Instead of knowing joy when I looked upon my children I started seeing little parasites that were going to drain me of myself. Needless to say, it wasn't them. It wasn't the guy I was with, (who may just deserve sainthood). It was me. It was living a lie so I could defy the universe. Except… it wasn't a lie exactly. I didn't know Femme was an option. And so did my best to live this life with all the integrity I could.

Even so…
I was losing me. I paid such a high price for self-hood. So I did it. I struck out on my own, terrified that I was ruining my children's existence. I knew I didn't know how to be a Good Mom on my own. But I knew I wasn't being a Good Mom as I was. And so I doubled down. I bet that I could be true to myself, that I could shatter my Hetero life, that I could rip apart the only family they have ever known, AND be a Good Mom. I bet that meeting my needs would end up being good for them too.

Together, their father and I kept their world together. The only thing I could think to do was maintain stability. They see their Mom and Dad every day. He and I work well together. While I tore my world down to the foundations and reexamined everything, while my life was utter chaos, their world was safe. Not unchanged, but safe, loved. Most of this last year it took every ounce of energy I had to be present. To shelter them … to make good on the bet I was suddenly unsure I could cover.

Now… I smile more, I laugh more. These days my smile is so genuine it stops strangers in their tracks, these days my walk is a dance to the song in my heart. And my kids, My Darling Precious, Gift-From-God Children, are what I see when I look down at their faces. I see the world-shattering gift of their unquestioning trust. My love for them carries all of us through the crying, the fits, the temper-tantrums, the sorrow that comes from learning life's hard lessons. My love for them soars with them in the middle of dinosaur-poop jokes. We fly together in the joy a piece of gum can bring, day after day. All of us, together, creating this family, that looks nothing like I thought it HAD to. Together, we knit together the fabric of FAMILY. Daily I show them what love is. That no matter what the subject, "Some people do, some people don't". that, "Nothing is more important than Family", and even Moms make mistakes, and they apologize when they do. That Nothing, NOTHING will ever stop my love, and that every aspect of who they are is no less than divinely inspired. Daily, I do my utmost to live up to the trust in their eyes.

These days being a Mom delights me, instead of draining me. More and more, I'm proud of the job I'm doing. Less and less, am I afraid of that unforeseeable giant fuck up that will ruin the rest of their lives. I am Emerging, and we are ALL ever so much better for it.

I KNOW there are more challenges in store for all of us in the future. Now, I have a measure of peace about those hurdles life is bound to throw at us. This foundation I am giving them is a good one. Their family is Rock-Fucking-Solid, our love for each other is unshakeable, and the only childhood they will ever know is one where they were loved, nurtured, and protected.

So yeah, you hear that Universe?!?!?
I win this fucking bet.
I am a Good Mom.
Humanity can be beautiful.

[Silverseastar]

I was raised by a loving single mom. She had my younger brother and I and was back at university as soon as I hit 5 years old and worked part time as well. She always said she loved us and did her best to show it. There was never any violence or spanking.

But things happened because there was only one of her. Just not quite enough to go around.

What I did the same was the loving no violence pieces. I was more involved and consistent with my kids- did home birth, home school, and real hands on parenting.

Then my youngest child got ill with a disease and our lives were turned into chaos for several years. All the fear and hospital stays created a dramatic stressful environment and the best we could do was cope. It had an impact on the levels of energy for anything else. Once her remission hit it opened doors for "normal" again only she was an angry teenager who felt she lost some of the best years of her life. That was a fun time- not.

If I could change some things- I would have got her into therapy right away. Actually all of us. I would have asked for direct help versus hoping/waiting others would see what was needed and volunteer.

Parenting is tough and profoundly rewarding. My two daughters rock my world in mostly good ways. I could do without the drama that occasionally occurs between two teenage sisters tho

[Rivkeh]

Originally Posted by Silverseastar

Then my youngest child got ill with a disease and our lives were turned into chaos for several years. All the fear and hospital stays created a dramatic stressful environment and the best we could do was cope. It had an impact on the levels of energy for anything else. Once her remission hit it opened doors for "normal" again only she was an angry teenager who felt she lost some of the best years of her life. That was a fun time- not.

If I could change some things- I would have got her into therapy right away. Actually all of us. I would have asked for direct help versus hoping/waiting others would see what was needed and volunteer.

This sounds a lot like what happened with my daughter for 6 years, and I kept questioning myself-'why? But I tried so hard to do everything right and be the best parent I could be!' The years of hospitalization and dealing with the impact of her illness were hell, she continues to struggle and finds her own way, and I accept that these things can just happen no matter how much you try to ensure that they don't.

[MsBluem]

My parenting is a total departure from what my mom did. I had a pretty decent childhood until she married my stepfather and had my sisters. She became emotionally distant and wasn't really loving or supportive.

I'm encouraging and supportive of anything my Squishy wants to do. If she's curious about something, I explain it in an age-appropriate manner. I want her to be independent, open minded, honest and well rounded.

This summer, partly because of a lack of funds and partly because we both need to reduce our technology dependence, I canceled our cable, internet. So far it's going well. She's reading everything she can get her hands on and using her awesome imagination. We've been going on little adventures in the area and she experienced her first farmers market.

[DapperButch]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-...ef=mostpopular

[SirenManda]

I've been thinking a lot about this one, and here's some thoughts on the differences between how I was raised and how we plan to help our children grow into well adjusted adults.

1. Feelings are normal, and you as an individual are allowed to feel how ever you want/do without being punished.
2. There is no wrong way to ask for help. Whatever either of us are doing will never be more important than helping our children when they want attention.
3. The "because I said so" will never be said. Your a person, and asking "why" should be explained in a manner you (at the appropriate age of understanding) will understand. We value children as people, and not second class citizens.
4. We believe children shouldn't be involved in financial problems or serious situations, as a child my mother would constantly remind me how much money we had and how much we owed to so and so. It made me feel guilty to ask for things, or expect anything beyond basic needs. As an adult I still struggle with getting things for myself beyond basic daily needs. I won't let our children carry that burden until they are ready.

Just a few key thoughts.