Long Distance - How do you cope?

Jaques · 05-03-2012, 01:52 AM

Did a couple of years with my girlfriend both me and her back and forth, 600 mile round trip. We spent holidays together too. In the end it wasnt that i couldnt do it, just got fed up with the travelling, so asked her to move in, weve now been together 11 years. Its never easy living with someone else when you are both older, being used to doing things your own way and there are times when you miss that space but we are both happy with our decision and when she goes away to stay with her family a few times a year, i think "yeh, it can do what i like, no one to nag me" etc. I actuallly miss her.

pinkgeek · 05-03-2012, 02:58 AM

I go to school 2600 miles from my queer family, friends and my girlfriend... (i.e. everyone I love)

Firstly - I rack up a lot of frequent flyer miles. I have the airline branded credit card and I use it for everything. I'm fly back and forth from Hawaii to California monthly and it's harder on me than anyone else.

Between visits we (friends, family and girlfriend) send silly cards, Skype, text, call and stay busy. We all make a pretty big effort not to dwell on the "missing part" - it makes time go slower and everything harder.

I've had people ask why I don't move back if I miss everyone so much. Answer: the relationships will last over the distance or they won't. Given a moderate amount of thoughtfulness and a significant amount of confidence long distance is less difficult than extensive dental work with greater reward and probably equal cash outlay.

Your mileage may vary - mine is about to hit "upgrade" on each flight!

Jaques · 05-03-2012, 06:26 AM

My youngest son and grandson whos only 18mths old, live in Laos in the far east and it takes us 2 days to get there, also very expensive and i miss them terribly.

Silverseastar · 05-03-2012, 09:38 AM

It's so interesting to see this thread revived after a year!

The relationship didn't work. In the end ironically she couldn't do it and I could. I broke it off last fall when I found her ability to handle it diminishing and then it becoming hurtful.

What I learned is that both parties need to make a commitment to making and keeping regular skype/phone dates, and both have to put time and energy into the little things to create the intimacy that is lacking in the physical realm. Flexibility is also key.

It's hard but I believe it can be done with the right people. Finding the right person is the biggest challenge.

chefboiardee72 · 05-03-2012, 09:49 AM

Sorry to hear it ended. It takes patience and creativity to keep something like this exciting and alive.

05-03-2012, 02:58 AM	#2
pinkgeek Member How Do You Identify?: that grrl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, grrl, piranha, monkey Relationship Status: captured.... Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 377 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,054 Thanked 1,456 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 13998707	I go to school 2600 miles from my queer family, friends and my girlfriend... (i.e. everyone I love) Firstly - I rack up a lot of frequent flyer miles. I have the airline branded credit card and I use it for everything. I'm fly back and forth from Hawaii to California monthly and it's harder on me than anyone else. Between visits we (friends, family and girlfriend) send silly cards, Skype, text, call and stay busy. We all make a pretty big effort not to dwell on the "missing part" - it makes time go slower and everything harder. I've had people ask why I don't move back if I miss everyone so much. Answer: the relationships will last over the distance or they won't. Given a moderate amount of thoughtfulness and a significant amount of confidence long distance is less difficult than extensive dental work with greater reward and probably equal cash outlay. Your mileage may vary - mine is about to hit "upgrade" on each flight! __________________ ------------------------------------ ~pink "I‘m heir to madness. Vessel of perversion. Your nightmare should you cross me." ((Want to read about my life in Hawaii and my ongoing war against the roosters and my pony size dog and my wedding?)) http://www.alohafemme.wordpress.com/

05-03-2012, 01:52 AM	#1
Jaques Member How Do You Identify?: male/TG Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: England Posts: 220 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 51 Thanked 398 Times in 122 Posts Rep Power: 2583511	Did a couple of years with my girlfriend both me and her back and forth, 600 mile round trip. We spent holidays together too. In the end it wasnt that i couldnt do it, just got fed up with the travelling, so asked her to move in, weve now been together 11 years. Its never easy living with someone else when you are both older, being used to doing things your own way and there are times when you miss that space but we are both happy with our decision and when she goes away to stay with her family a few times a year, i think "yeh, it can do what i like, no one to nag me" etc. I actuallly miss her.

05-03-2012, 06:26 AM	#3
Jaques Member How Do You Identify?: male/TG Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: England Posts: 220 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 51 Thanked 398 Times in 122 Posts Rep Power: 2583511	My youngest son and grandson whos only 18mths old, live in Laos in the far east and it takes us 2 days to get there, also very expensive and i miss them terribly.

05-03-2012, 09:38 AM	#4
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	It's so interesting to see this thread revived after a year! The relationship didn't work. In the end ironically she couldn't do it and I could. I broke it off last fall when I found her ability to handle it diminishing and then it becoming hurtful. What I learned is that both parties need to make a commitment to making and keeping regular skype/phone dates, and both have to put time and energy into the little things to create the intimacy that is lacking in the physical realm. Flexibility is also key. It's hard but I believe it can be done with the right people. Finding the right person is the biggest challenge.

05-03-2012, 09:49 AM	#5
chefboiardee72 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He, Sir, Daddy(for the right girl) Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Tennessee Posts: 64 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 82 Times in 23 Posts Rep Power: 712205	Sorry to hear it ended. It takes patience and creativity to keep something like this exciting and alive.