Opinions

CherylNYC · 05-11-2012, 08:52 PM

My late partner's family told me I was their family. That is, I was their family right up until the accident in 2003 that took her life. Sharon's family, led by her mother, (the Matriarch of the clan), turned on me so quickly that my head spun. If you've never had to deal with the family of your suddenly dead partner, (not a legal spouse), you should consider yourself lucky.

While their instant hostility, attempts to shut me out of the funeral, as well as their efforts to erase me from Sharon's history were a series of devestating betrayals, the whole mess was also an extremely edifying experience. I asked Sharon's mother point blank why she was doing this. She didn't answer me directly, but she did turn to the rest of the assembled family and said, "Well, they weren't really married. Not really... Well, they weren't!!"

Oh.

Fast forward to 2008 when I had to plan the funeral of my next girlfriend. Caren's family had never valued or respected her. They didn't choose to pay for any of the expenses related to her death, but they were happy to hear about her forgotten insurance policy. No, they didn't offer to pay for any of Caren's expenses out of the policy to which I was not entitled.

Marraige equality would do more in one single pen stroke to combat poverty amongst gay seniors, (surviving partners are currently denied social security benefits of the deceased), gain immigration equality for bi-national couples, secure the rights of children in adoptive and foster care situations, and to reduce violence against lgbt youth as well as adults, than a 100% increase in funding for all the peace and social justice programs put together. And it would do it instantly.

Marraige has meant many things to many cultures over the years, but there is no culture for which recognition of same hasn't been the basis of a great deal of social structure. There's a certain amount of cultural myopia and an annoying level of privilege at play when anyone suggests that this particular battle isn't really important.

~ocean · 05-11-2012, 09:09 PM

(((( cheryl ))))))) grl i'm soo sooo sry ..

Hollylane · 05-11-2012, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

My late partner's family told me I was their family. That is, I was their family right up until the accident in 2003 that took her life. Sharon's family, led by her mother, (the Matriarch of the clan), turned on me so quickly that my head spun. If you've never had to deal with the family of your suddenly dead partner, (not a legal spouse), you should consider yourself lucky.

While their instant hostility, attempts to shut me out of the funeral, as well as their efforts to erase me from Sharon's history were a series of devestating betrayals, the whole mess was also an extremely edifying experience. I asked Sharon's mother point blank why she was doing this. She didn't answer me directly, but she did turn to the rest of the assembled family and said, "Well, they weren't really married. Not really... Well, they weren't!!"

Oh.

Fast forward to 2008 when I had to plan the funeral of my next girlfriend. Caren's family had never valued or respected her. They didn't choose to pay for any of the expenses related to her death, but they were happy to hear about her forgotten insurance policy. No, they didn't offer to pay for any of Caren's expenses out of the policy to which I was not entitled.

Marraige equality would do more in one single pen stroke to combat poverty amongst gay seniors, (surviving partners are currently denied social security benefits of the deceased), gain immigration equality for bi-national couples, secure the rights of children in adoptive and foster care situations, and to reduce violence against lgbt youth as well as adults, than a 100% increase in funding for all the peace and social justice programs put together. And it would do it instantly.

Marraige has meant many things to many cultures over the years, but there is no culture for which recognition of same hasn't been the basis of a great deal of social structure. There's a certain amount of cultural myopia and an annoying level of privilege at play when anyone suggests that this particular battle isn't really important.

Your stories are exactly why this issue is so damn important. I am so sorry that you were put through these experiences. Thank you for sharing Cheryl.

BullDog · 05-12-2012, 09:09 AM

Cheers to President Obama. I don't think there is any clear cut political advantage, and it could in fact hurt him.

I am on the Democratic Party's email list and I got an email from President Obama where he not only says he supports same sex marriage but talks about having friends, members of staff and his daughters having friends who have same sex parents. He sounds like a real person who has same sex parents as part of his and his children's lives. That means a lot to me.

I don't think this is political spin and I don't think I am being naive about it. He placed his support in context of people he has around him. Yeah it would have been nice to have had this happen earlier but people do evolve and change. He may have had to get up the guts to take the political risk but the fact that he did it is huge.

It would be great to be treated as a human. We have to fight for equal rights to be treated as such.

The_Lady_Snow · 05-12-2012, 09:15 AM

Your last sentence strikes a chord in me Bulldog, all I want are my civil rights, the same rights that heterinormative couples get when coupled. I may never marry Grant but that doesn't mean my commitment is less valid or that I shouldn't be able to claim him on my taxes.

I'm happy that Obama did what he did because it's a good example for his daughters I bet they are very proud of him.

Strappie · 05-12-2012, 09:24 AM

I praise The President....

He stood up to let people know that he supports when no other President has ever done so. (The times are a changing)

He said himself that this will more than likely HURT his campaign NOT help it.

Ask yourself this... Name 10 people that did not vote for him last time that will Vote for him because he "supports" I highly doubt you can come up with 1 let alone 10.

Now ask yourself ... Who had his vote but now lost it. The names keep coming.

He did the "RIGHT" thing. I commend him for standing up for something he believes in! Sad thing is he may lose the election for this very thing.

05-11-2012, 08:52 PM	#1
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,111 Times in 1,205 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My late partner's family told me I was their family. That is, I was their family right up until the accident in 2003 that took her life. Sharon's family, led by her mother, (the Matriarch of the clan), turned on me so quickly that my head spun. If you've never had to deal with the family of your suddenly dead partner, (not a legal spouse), you should consider yourself lucky. While their instant hostility, attempts to shut me out of the funeral, as well as their efforts to erase me from Sharon's history were a series of devestating betrayals, the whole mess was also an extremely edifying experience. I asked Sharon's mother point blank why she was doing this. She didn't answer me directly, but she did turn to the rest of the assembled family and said, "Well, they weren't really married. Not really... Well, they weren't!!" Oh. Fast forward to 2008 when I had to plan the funeral of my next girlfriend. Caren's family had never valued or respected her. They didn't choose to pay for any of the expenses related to her death, but they were happy to hear about her forgotten insurance policy. No, they didn't offer to pay for any of Caren's expenses out of the policy to which I was not entitled. Marraige equality would do more in one single pen stroke to combat poverty amongst gay seniors, (surviving partners are currently denied social security benefits of the deceased), gain immigration equality for bi-national couples, secure the rights of children in adoptive and foster care situations, and to reduce violence against lgbt youth as well as adults, than a 100% increase in funding for all the peace and social justice programs put together. And it would do it instantly. Marraige has meant many things to many cultures over the years, but there is no culture for which recognition of same hasn't been the basis of a great deal of social structure. There's a certain amount of cultural myopia and an annoying level of privilege at play when anyone suggests that this particular battle isn't really important. __________________ Cheryl

05-12-2012, 09:09 AM	#4
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Cheers to President Obama. I don't think there is any clear cut political advantage, and it could in fact hurt him. I am on the Democratic Party's email list and I got an email from President Obama where he not only says he supports same sex marriage but talks about having friends, members of staff and his daughters having friends who have same sex parents. He sounds like a real person who has same sex parents as part of his and his children's lives. That means a lot to me. I don't think this is political spin and I don't think I am being naive about it. He placed his support in context of people he has around him. Yeah it would have been nice to have had this happen earlier but people do evolve and change. He may have had to get up the guts to take the political risk but the fact that he did it is huge. It would be great to be treated as a human. We have to fight for equal rights to be treated as such. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

05-12-2012, 09:15 AM	#5
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,078 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Thoughts Your last sentence strikes a chord in me Bulldog, all I want are my civil rights, the same rights that heterinormative couples get when coupled. I may never marry Grant but that doesn't mean my commitment is less valid or that I shouldn't be able to claim him on my taxes. I'm happy that Obama did what he did because it's a good example for his daughters I bet they are very proud of him. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

05-11-2012, 09:09 PM	#2
~ocean Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme blows a kiss off my finger tips * Preferred Pronoun?: ~ hey girl ~ Relationship Status: ~ single & content ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts ~coastal Posts: 7,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,958 Thanked 16,017 Times in 4,724 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	(((( cheryl ))))))) grl i'm soo sooo sry ..

05-12-2012, 09:24 AM	#6
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I praise The President.... He stood up to let people know that he supports when no other President has ever done so. (The times are a changing) He said himself that this will more than likely HURT his campaign NOT help it. Ask yourself this... Name 10 people that did not vote for him last time that will Vote for him because he "supports" I highly doubt you can come up with 1 let alone 10. Now ask yourself ... Who had his vote but now lost it. The names keep coming. He did the "RIGHT" thing. I commend him for standing up for something he believes in! Sad thing is he may lose the election for this very thing.