Couples together 5 or 10 or 20+ yrs or better

theoddz · 02-27-2010, 06:12 PM

Hello Morningstar,

I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective.

I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to listen, hear and understand your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too.

It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this.

~Theo~

morningstar55 · 02-27-2010, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoddz

Hello Morningstar,

I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective.

I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to listen, hear and understand your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too.

It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this.

~Theo~

..... thats a awsome post....... and i absolutly belive that .... communication . is the no#1 thing in any relationship...

..btw.. your frogs are soo cute

cinderella · 02-27-2010, 07:07 PM

Kudos to Theoddz for that awesome post. I am in complete accord with what you've said here.

My usual cutting points in LTR's has been 5 years. My last one the exception - that lasted 12 years. Talk about non-communication, and complacency! That relationship should've ended after the 3rd year. The sex & romantic love had flown out the window by then. We stayed together for all the wrong reasons -financial, fear of being alone (her fear), co-dependency on may levels, and a myriad of other reasons. I stood it for as long as I could, then one day walked out.

I have always been a very independent, self-sufficient person - relying on no one for anything. Those defences broke down during that relationship, and I found myself being dependent on her for many things that were begrudingly given. I guess I finally picked myself up by my own bootstraps, and said 'no more'. I took myself out of it, and never looked back. That was 8 years ago, and since I've had many dates, and 'online' romances, but nothing ever came of any of it. So I am alone, and believe dating & romance is something for others and not for me...and please, I'm tired of the old cliche - "when you stop looking, it'll happen." Really, that's gotton very old now...

Anyway, M'Star, I don't have anything constructive or enlightening to add to the thread - just a story of failed relationships, but I too came in here hoping to find the 'magic' formula, lol.

02-27-2010, 06:12 PM	#1
theoddz Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Cranky Old Poop Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. Beast Relationship Status: Married to a beautiful babe whom I don't deserve. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Texas Posts: 3,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,163 Thanked 9,939 Times in 2,516 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Hello Morningstar, I know you addressed your question to the couples who've had 5, 10 and 20+ years together, and Tabs and I have only hit the 4 year mark. I've had 2 other long term relationships in my life, one that lasted 5 years and the other nearly 8, both wonderful, even though they didn't last. Looking back on it, however, I know why they failed, so I'm just going to throw my 2 cents in on this thing, and just say a couple of things from my own perspective. I think that many people who have longevity in their relationship would probably agree with my broad, generalized statement that, in order for a relationship to survive, you have to continue to grow together. If you don't, you grow apart. When you grow apart, you lose interest and then you lose communication. I do think that compatibility is a big necessity, but that certainly doesn't mean that you always have to see eye to eye on everything. You just have to be able to communicate your differences and be able to *listen, hear and understand* your partner, and take action to work things out in a lasting, meaningful, mutually accepted way. Mind you, some people, G-d love them, are just pissy communicators. When you get into a relationship with one of these folks, you/they either learn to communicate with them/you or you're doomed. I used to be one of these kinds of folks, but my problem with communication was due to other issues I had going on that I should have worked out before trying to become involved with someone.....anyone, for that matter. That might be the case with some people, too. It's the little things that break a lot of folks up, I think...the little annoyances and failings and disappointments that are not communicated and worked on that split people up. It's the lack of interest and complacency of accepting the slow spiraling down of communication. In my own experiences, the lack of love was never the issue. There was always plenty of love. It was the communication breakdown that killed the relationship, and this is what is meant, I think, by the phrase "when love is not enough". I think this is what happened to both of the failed long term relationships in my own past. Because of the lack of that communication, we grew complacent (though comfortably so) and thus failed/stopped growing together. Anyway, that's my 2 cents, for what it's worth. Thanks for starting this thread. I, too, am interested in hearing what the other folks have to say on this. *~Theo~* __________________ *"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."* -- J. R. R. Tolkien

02-27-2010, 07:07 PM	#3
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,501 Times in 638 Posts Rep Power: 14266108	Kudos to Theoddz for that awesome post. I am in complete accord with what you've said here. My usual cutting points in LTR's has been 5 years. My last one the exception - that lasted 12 years. Talk about non-communication, and complacency! That relationship should've ended after the 3rd year. The sex & romantic love had flown out the window by then. We stayed together for all the wrong reasons -financial, fear of being alone (her fear), co-dependency on may levels, and a myriad of other reasons. I stood it for as long as I could, then one day walked out. I have always been a very independent, self-sufficient person - relying on no one for anything. Those defences broke down during that relationship, and I found myself being dependent on her for many things that were begrudingly given. I guess I finally picked myself up by my own bootstraps, and said 'no more'. I took myself out of it, and never looked back. That was 8 years ago, and since I've had many dates, and 'online' romances, but nothing ever came of any of it. So I am alone, and believe dating & romance is something for others and not for me...and please, I'm tired of the old cliche - "when you stop looking, it'll happen." Really, that's gotton very old now... Anyway, M'Star, I don't have anything constructive or enlightening to add to the thread - just a story of failed relationships, but I too came in here hoping to find the 'magic' formula, lol.