Neurodiversity

[Apocalipstic]

Belle, Yes, I have been called stupid. Yeay. I am not stupid, just I communicate differently and sometimes oddly.

Kimbo, I hated Prozac too, Lexapro has worked best for me.

I can multitask, I have to at work. A lot. But it wears me out. I do get to pick my music and have dim lighting in the room and candles which really helps. Some days when I get home I am just empty. Cynthia has started putting the animals up for 30 minutes when I get home so I can just sit, because otherwise all 4 of them are all over me and I get all confused and overwhelmed even trying to put my work bag down.

Andrew, my father yelled at (and sometimes threatened) me for stuttering too. Now I have weird pauses in my speech during which people assume I have forgotten what I am saying, but really it is so I won't stutter.

[violaine]

dear jen,

i, too, get the pauses or locked verbally,, during communication with people - most awkward on the telephone with strangers [work related]. sometimes, the check out is not very amusing. probably due to feeling somewhat rushed. people are in line behind me while i'm fumbling- handling payment/transaction, & putting items back in purse, et c. if an employee comes over to say hallo, or talk to me, there's too much going on at once!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by violaine

dear jen,

i, too, get the pauses or locked verbally,, during communication with people - most awkward on the telephone with strangers [work related]. sometimes, the check out is not very amusing. probably due to feeling somewhat rushed. people are in line behind me while i'm fumbling- handling payment/transaction, & putting items back in purse, et c. if an employee comes over to say hallo, or talk to me, there's too much going on at once!

I try to send Cynthia to the store when I can, but this weekend at Trader Joe's I did some slow breathing exercizes and was able to avoid getting too overwhelmed.

I make lists and try to be as organized as possible. If I have to fumble for my stuff I am a disaster. It is usually clear what state of mind I am in my how much of a mess my purse and work bag are.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Apocalipstic,

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".

As you know my Dad died last January, he was also very abusive. But in 1998 I wrote him a letter stating that I could only have anything to do with his as long as he treated me with respect. We never spoke again.

I still have his voice in my head, but it is getting better thanks to Bit and Gryph, medication, therapy and a lot of great friends listening to me and helping me.

Have you considered walking away? I think I would not be alive now if I had not just walked away.

[Bit]

Awww, Kimbo, I am so sorry that it's gone beyond fibro fog for you! I'm also sorry that the meds cause such problems.

I'm back in fibro fog, myself. Been fighting it off for over a year and thought I had it well at bay, but the signs are unmistakable and undeniable now. Gryph and I are trying to make changes so that I can come back to normal--well, as close as I ever get to "normal"--and the major one is that he walks the dogs in the morning. That's extremely physically difficult for me, especially since the puppy's usually frantic and pulls really hard on the leash; I'm always afraid I'll fall down the steps because he's pulling so hard.

I also have to sleep more. There's just no way around it, even with caffeine. I have to sleep more.

Andrew, I agree with Jen that sometimes it's just better if a person can walk away from someone as difficult as your father is. I hope things get better for you!!

Oh! I'm also one who gets flustered at the cash register, so I set myself up a sort of system. The coupons are in the front of my cart (you know, where the kids sit?) with my bag, and the shopper's card is on my keychain in my pocket--I always carry my keys in my jeans pocket--so I choose a line with someone ahead of me, to give myself time to unload the cart; I give my card to the cashier first; and I give the coupons at the end. Then I pay with a debit card--never a check, and only rarely cash.

I still get flustered but not as much.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Love to you all!

[Bit]

ps---I check my bank balance every day online, to make sure I don't forget to enter the debits in my checkbook. That's a lesson I learned the hard way, oy--so glad now for the convenience of online access!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I can't walk away because of something he said to me. I feel like I let down my sisters when I was a youngster. And I just cannot do that again. No. Not ever. I know that my greatest joy will be the day he is no longer walking this earth.

I have been in therapy before, but all of my therapists betrayed me. They went to my father and told him what was going on in our sessions. This is long before HIPPA and all the other legal documents were done and made law. I look at it this way, he got away with it here, but not from his maker. He will be held accountable. Trust me.

[Bit]

I'm sorry, Andrew; that sounds like a very difficult situation. I wish you peace.