Butches and Body Image - Let's Talk About It

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by ArkansasPiscesGrrl

When I first met my partner, she kept repeating "but I am NOT a butch!" Yeah right. I could FEEL the butch, male energy rolling off of her. 'Bout knocked me over! It was how she walked (she had the swagger going on), how she talked, how she sat, how she dressed... yes it was all of that, but damnit it was WAAY more than that! It came from within her. It was a palpable aura and energy that was just HER. And the femme in ME, the woman in me who has loved on and lusted over butch women for most of my life, woke up, became ALIVE again. Skin-pricklies going on. Breath-catching going on. That inner recognition in ME, recognizing and connecting with the butch energy in HER, THAT is what caught me. Would I have had the same reaction if she had red fingernails or was wearing a dress? If her butch energy was strong enough, it might have triggered something in me. Don't know. I do know that for me, the outer package is just part of it. I need and desire and connect with and give myself to that butch energy. My femme wants to dance the dance with that butch energy.

I know what you're saying I think, in terms of falling in love with a butch-appearing and acting woman who doesn't identify as butch. Looking back on why I fell so hard for someone like that, I realize it was because her sexual energy expressed in a dominating way that I was drawn to, and of course, our emotional connection was strong; I'd never met anyone so gentle, brilliant and focused on me.

When things started to go bad, it wasn't because of the ways we ID, though I've wondered if a little b/f dynamic might not have helped us through some of the hard times.

*****************

Lately I've realized that one thing I love about women who ID as butch is their sense of humor about their differences from femmes or more feminine women. Also, they see what is femme in me, in a more positive light than a non-butch woman would.

Just talking about my own experience, of course. It sounds like your experience, ArkansasPiscesGrrl, has been really positive.

[Little Fish]

IslandScout:
Lately I've realized that one thing I love about women who ID as butch is their sense of humor about their differences from femmes or more feminine women. Also, they see what is femme in me, in a more positive light than a non-butch woman would.

Scout,
I've been thinking about this since you wrote it. I've realized more recently in my life that while I am eternally attracted to feminine women, it's really the femme ID'd woman who understands me as Butch in a way that the non-Femme (but feminine women) do not. A woman the who really "owns" her Femme title, is the one to really "own" me....;-)

(see what I did there? lol--I tried to pull that off with a straight face but no....*smirking*)

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Little Fish

IslandScout:
Lately I've realized that one thing I love about women who ID as butch is their sense of humor about their differences from femmes or more feminine women. Also, they see what is femme in me, in a more positive light than a non-butch woman would.

Scout,
I've been thinking about this since you wrote it. I've realized more recently in my life that while I am eternally attracted to feminine women, it's really the femme ID'd woman who understands me as Butch in a way that the non-Femme (but feminine women) do not. A woman the who really "owns" her Femme title, is the one to really "own" me....;-)

(see what I did there? lol--I tried to pull that off with a straight face but no....*smirking*)

Dear Little Fish,

Thanks for that glimpse of how your mind works

Clearly, I have much to learn about the butch sense of humor—thankfully, though, I am a quick study, or so I've been told.

Sincerely,

Scout

[mr.misnomer]

i'm new to the planet. hope nobody minds if i drop in here.

i've read a good bit of back and forth on self love and acceptance, on body concerns, and public response to the way many of us masculine/butch types appear. i don't have any wisdom to impart on any of these topics. i can only share my experience.

for me, accepting my body has been a thing that i've had to do more than once. as i age, my body changes, and my feelings about it change. as i age, and my perspective changes, my feelings about my place in the world change. and, honestly, as i age, the public (in general) seems a little more accepting (or, maybe i'm getting better at ignoring them . the only thing that stays constant is that, like that person you know/knew that's in a 'bad' relationship but can't/won't get out until they see it for what it is and see that their worth is greater than that relationship....you have to be in a place to see yourself as someone you like/love/accept and then put it to work for you. nobody can do it for you, no one can make you love yourself, nobody can change the way the world treats you...its about what you do with what you've got.

at the end of the day, i'm glad i'm gay. i'm glad i'm butch. i feel fortunate to live in a time and place when/where its a helluva lot easier to be all of these things than it was pre-stonewall. i try to focus on the up sides....makes all of life a little bit sweeter.

cheers!
mr. m

[Ginger]

[QUOTE=mr.misnomer;599777

for me, accepting my body has been a thing that i've had to do more than once. as i age, my body changes, and my feelings about it change. as i age, and my perspective changes, my feelings about my place in the world change. and, honestly, as i age, the public (in general) seems a little more accepting (or, maybe i'm getting better at ignoring them . [/QUOTE]



Dear Mr. M,

You bring up an interesting point, which is, how does aging affect the culture's level of acceptance of people, like butches, who present in ways that are not hetero-normative?

I wonder if you are on to something; if there is indeed more acceptance of butches once they reach a certain age.

I think it might be the opposite for femmes—we become more invisible, and are devalued because of our age.

Anyway, thanks for putting your thoughts out there.

Welcome to the Planet!

Scout

[~ocean]

thers nothing invisable about a confident aging butch w. grey o r slightly greying hair .. makes this femme swoon

[Okiebug61]

I wonder who's thoughts on image some us worry about. Is it our own or what we want others to think of us. I'm a light butch and as I said before. For the most of my life I have only been picked out of a crowd by someone who is LGBT and very seldom by a straight person. The image I have of myself is I am who I am, the lovers/girlfriends/partners I have have had never questioned my image (or if they did they never told me) and I it has never been requested by anyone I have been with to look or act a certain way. It has always bothered me that society has such a stronghold on what a girl or boy should act or look like. Screw society and their hegemonic attitudes.

We own our lives and we have the right to dress as we want, cut our hair as we want, present ourselves as we want without being ridiculed.

Admiration to those of you who live outside the box and fight for the rights to be who you are without conceding to societies definitions.