Friendship Survey

[Ginger]

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? perhaps if it is for them.



Hi, Ruffrider. That's really a thoughtful response. I liked your survey's no-nonsense honesty. Scout

[Ginger]

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I would be supportive but someone is not going to leave a bad situation until they are ready. If you push, you may lose them entirely.


LaneyDoll, I know exactly what you mean because that happened to me. I had a friend who was in a bad marriage, and when he choked her during a fight, I came down hard on her, insisting that she leave, and she cut me off. About six months later, I reached out to her, and we started tentatively seeing each other again, but it isn't the same.

Scout

[Ginger]

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
keep it to myself, it's no one's business. write about it in my journal or tell my therapist. keep it in a file somewhere. you can like anyone you want... just don't act on your feelings.



Tazz, I am thinking about this one. I so agree that we have feelings that flare up and it's not good to act on them—they sometimes go away, on their own, so why mess up a few people's lives because of them? I think that's wise.

I think if I were in a relationship and I really fell hard for someone, I would tell my partner, because it would be a wake-up call as to how much trouble our relationship was in.

But still thinking about what you wrote...

Scout

[Breezy]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

Some of them I see daily, some weekly, one in particular whenever he is in the state.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

Most of them daily.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

No

4) Are finances a consideration?

No

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

Not for me but if it is for them I go to them.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Oh hell yes. I work insane hours. Sometimes friends hear from sitting in the airport awaiting boarding to go wherever the hell the boss send me. I am "usually" supposed to be free on Sunday.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

Ah not so much. I cannot usually accommodate that kind of spontaneity.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

They are wonderful. Most of my friends are butch or FtM or butch gay men.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Single now, but I'd be saying, um why do they need to meet your approval?
If there were inappropriate issues ensuing and I was partnered I'd be the first to drop the friend and not wait for a partner to feel uncomfortable.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

I was expected to take sides after a break up. I was expected to believe as gospel what one friend said about her ex who was my friend as well. When I did not she blew her stack, told lies about me and her ex and others listened and took her words as gospel. It was sad and painful but I had to let her go. I had overlooked this behavior of hers in the past and lied to myself about her never doing this to me, to us as friends. Reality became clear.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I was young, 23, in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. I did not know how to leave. I did not know how to take care of myself emotionally and stayed way too long. He told me he was walking away until I found my way out but he'd be there afterward. He said he could not watch me go through it anymore. I'm glad he was there 2 years later.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?

talk to them about it and realize I could not control it. I would tell them I am here when and if you decide you want help.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?

I'd give them the local shelter numbers, addresses, a list of things to do to leave safely and keep the light on for them at home.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?

Walk away.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

Nah.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

N/A

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

23 years. We talk about everything. People say we sound like an old married couple and at time we do. He is my best friend.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

No ex's as friends. The endings were horribly dysfunctional. My present ex and I co-parent so it will need negotiating.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I don't have any.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?

They are one in the same with the exception of sex.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.

I took her 12 year old wild child off the street after she ran away and she lived the summer with us until she and her mom could get things worked out.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

He told me get out of the abuse. He walked away but was there after I left the abuse. I moved in for 5 months and recuperated.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?

Drug dealing, killer for hire, pedophile, anger monster, physically or mentally abusive to me and others, stealing from my home or kids, negativity addict,
hacking my computer (in the bad sense), harming one of my kids or grand kids in any way shape or form, racism, bigotry and hate.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?

White lies, being in the sex trades, messy (cluttered not dirty) home, handicap, no money not much money,

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? Not at all.

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? Not at all

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? Not at all.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? Not at all.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? Not at all.

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? Not at all.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? Not at all without good reason.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? It's according to the situation.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.

Yeah, sounds like fun.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
getting there.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater

Yes.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else

Nah.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV

Nah.

6) Participating in team sports

Nah.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

Yes.

8) Shopping

Yes

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants

Yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals

Sure

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

No.

[Soft*Silver]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
depends on the friend. Some, once a month. Some every couple months. None weekly or daily.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Over the past couple years I have developed an anxiety about talking on the phone. I wont answer the phone and I sure wont call to chit chat. Sometimes, if someone is in trouble or a death has happened, or something of that catastrophic nature, I will call someone and talk to them on the phone. thank god for texting. All my local plans are made via texts. I have to talk on the phone for the store and it damn near kills me. I cant wait to earn enough to hire someone to take calls.

I love emails. I can say so much and it lets people read, and ponder.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
sometimes I babysit my nephews and nieces. So yes, its a consideration if I have them. Most of my same age peers think I am crazy babysitting. Sometimes I do too. But mostly its a nice way to have kids in my life and I get to send them home when my energy wears out.

4) Are finances a consideration?
sadly yes. Sometimes I dont have money to even go to the dollar movies. But friends who are friends will come here to sit in my gorgeous back yard and chat. Or we will hang out at the free museums. Or they pay my way in. And when I can, I pay their way in. Or I do something nice for them.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
we have gone to little shops and they have things upstairs or in the basement and I cant go. I also tire out very easily. I have had to go in wheelchairs a couple time, with people pushing me.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
it hasnt been but it is now. I am opening a store and my time is taken up with getting it opened, or de-stressing my body when I have worked it too hard. friends wanted me to go horseback riding the other day and I couldnt. And you know how I love horses!

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
Last minute get togethers are my favorites!


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I relate differently to butches than I do femmes. I can have friendships with butches but it is a friendship that acknowledges who we are. My friendships with butches are very different than my friendships with straight men. I will not flirt with straight men who are friends. I will with butches who are friends. I will flirt with FtMs who are friends. I never flirt with anyone attached, no matter what. Flirting can be part of friendship, if its acknowledged as a safe and comfortable thing to do. I flirt with some straight girls who are my friends, locally. However, I think they of all the groups, would be the one to push the playing into the range of possibility....

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? I think this is a question that has to be answered based on the persons and the situation. I was in a relationship where I loathed someone they were friends with. Best friends! I was forced to interact and deal with this person on a daily basis. She played us and drove a wedge between us. Everyone else could see it but my partner could not. It was never going to be a good situation so I left. I left someone I truly loved. But love and respect are two different things. And I couldnt give that to him because of how I was treated and I wasnt getting it from him either. So in this kind of situation, no. But, who I am with now, he has a best male friend that I see as a pervert. Nothing about him is likable regarding his morals and values. However, he treats me well, respects me and I do the same to him. We all go out together, he with his wife and me and chrissy. Would I ever be his friend if not for his tie to chrissy? Never! But he is a good person to chrissy and very nice to me so we all get along...

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. when I ended an on line relationship, the person refuses to speak to me now. He believes I was interested in someone else and that is the reason I broke it off with him. Not true at all. But he just wont hear it. So I lost a very good friend in him. Above all else, we were wonderful friends. And this has pained me deeply.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. She would not respect my boundaries about relationships. i didnt want one and she wanted one. I wanted a friendship. She wanted a romance. She would tell me she was ok with a friendship but made moves on me all the time. It got to the point where she was stalking me so i had to cut her out of my life. She wouldnt listen any other way. Again, a deep loss because I really liked her as a friend!

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I am a member of AA. I have offered to go to meetings with people but mostly I just shut my mouth and wait. People know I am in recovery and they come to me when they are tired of being sick and tired. They know I will be there for them. i dont need to push it on them

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
same as above. I use to direct domestic violence shelters so people know they can come to me if they need it. I see signs early on and sometimes I might say a thing or two but mostly, I just give time time. the exception to that is if the person is in danger. Then i speak up and hopefully,they will be ready to take action

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? this has actually happened to me. I said nothing. I gave no hint. I do not destroy relationships. I hae cheaters and I will not be a cheater.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? I am assertive.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? god yes

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. some people might say they never outgrow anyone. I guess thats the PC thing to say. But I know I have. People find a niche and thats where they like to stay, where their happiness and comfort is. I find I am always a seeker. I find things that make me happy, like forms of art, new types of gardening, new ways to express myself spiritually. I gather it, gain from it, then move onto other new things. I love to broaden my horizons. Not everyone does. Sometimes that is frightening/unnerving to people. Those are the people I outgrow. People who applaud my journey, stay with me, and I honor where they like to be as well. But those who deny me the right to move on, well, I have to let go.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?I have been best friends with my Yaya since the first day of first grade. Its been 49 years so far...

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I am friends with several of my exes. And I dont speak with a few, simply because they just arent in reach. And a couple, I would rather never see again this life

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? never did this. Didnt want to back in the day. Might consider it now if I ever needed to

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? Oh, I dont know. Simple answer is they are they same but the partner is just a deeper committment

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. a friend's barn caught on fire. 29 of her horses perished. Many of them were pregnant. It was devastating. I was there with her, picked hooves and flesh from burnt ashes. I saw trauma in the remaining horse's eyes. I saw my friend's eyes...and hope I never peer into eyes like that again. I pulled together a donation list, where people could send in money and horse items. I helped her emotionally thru the worst first six months.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. that same friend allowed me to come sit under her apple tree in her orchard when my butch husband left me for another woman. I knew i was going to lose my farm, all my horses, etc. I couldnt keep the lights on if the water was on. My daughter's college fund was ever stolen.I had just had a major farm accident and wa experiencing a county wide hate crime against me as a lesbian. I wept under her apple tree for three days straight. She barely said a word. She just brought me ice tea and tissues...

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? a cruel nature of anykind toward anyone or anything. I dropped a coworker friendship because she was horrible to the wait staff whenever we went out to eat together. I mean HORRIBLE.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? too many to list. Just about anything as long as they are striving to be good people.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? I have 20 year old friends. And 80 year old friends. I am 55

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? somewhat. Not that I am an egotist, but I have alot of education and alot of life experience. Someone who isnt evolved in some manner, is going to get lost with me.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? N/A

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? I cannot tolerate the intolerants

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? N/A

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? you would be hard pressed to find someone I didnt get along with in these categories

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? my daughter, who is 28, has hated some of my friends and partners. It was a mess. She is a mess at the moment. She is not well, mentally and spiritually. I know she has affected me. and that affects my ability to relate to the world.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
when she was younger, that was a plus. But I am not into playdates anymore. I dont do things with people with kids. I am old and cranky and more of a baba yaga than a fairy godmother....hahahah...not really. But, I really dont tolerate nasty kids.

[Soft*Silver]

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. not at all

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors what constitutes exercise? Riding a horse? Yes. Running on a treadmill, no. Swimming in a heated pool. Yes. gardening, yes.

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater yes

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else I play gnometown on FB. I cant believe I am even doing that. I hate electronic games. I do play Majjong. My electronic stuff is done in solitary fashion.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV again, if it has to do with horses, yes. I have gone with my family to watch my nephews play tag football.

6) Participating in team sports I am so non competitive. In fact, that is one of the strongest characteristics of mine., I wont compete for anything, affection, attention nor medals.

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) love doing this

8) Shopping I hate malls. I love flea markets, little privately owned stores (like mine!) garage saleing, etc

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals yes yes yes yes, YES

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? rituals. Me and my best friend have a ritual we do to commemorate life events. I can count on her to do it for me when something important happens to me. She just did it recently when I was working in my store that is about to open. I do it for her, and did it last when she closed on her house she just bought.



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? you're a femme? I didnt notice who even posted this...I just like filling out surveys

[Soft*Silver]

I need to say, that I have a dear friend on here, the Planet, who has always been there for me, thru thick and thin. He has believed in me and supported me and trusted me to a degree most people would not even of their dearest friends. I love him dearly. He has taught me so much about healing, and recovering and knowing limits and stretching to get past those we set for ourselves before we even know what they truly are. He has been my inspiration many times. My confidante. There were literally times I would not have pulled thru had it not been for him. Seriously...

I have been blessed with some wonderful people in my life. He is in the top three. I would give him a kidney! I wish I could do for him all that he has done for me. He knows who he is. Thank you, Sweetie. I do love and honor you. I am so blessed with you in my life...

[Ginger]

Miss Tia wrote:

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. a friend's barn caught on fire. 29 of her horses perished. Many of them were pregnant. It was devastating. I was there with her, picked hooves and flesh from burnt ashes. I saw trauma in the remaining horse's eyes. I saw my friend's eyes...and hope I never peer into eyes like that again. I pulled together a donation list, where people could send in money and horse items. I helped her emotionally thru the worst first six months.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. that same friend allowed me to come sit under her apple tree in her orchard when my butch husband left me for another woman. I knew i was going to lose my farm, all my horses, etc. I couldnt keep the lights on if the water was on. My daughter's college fund was ever stolen.I had just had a major farm accident and wa experiencing a county wide hate crime against me as a lesbian. I wept under her apple tree for three days straight. She barely said a word. She just brought me ice tea and tissues...

**********************

Oh, Miss Tia. I was captivated by your answers to the survey, all around—but these two answers, wow. Such a vivid experience, such a heart-breaking experience, and as a writer I just have to say—WHAT a setting. I see it; the trees, the horses, the ashes. It's so cinematic. But of course, it's not a movie, it's real, it's your experience. A tragedy and another kind of recovery. I loved it. Beautiful.

Scout

[yotlyolqualli]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
Pretty much, daily.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Depends on my mood. I can talk on the phone for hours with a friend and I am rather long winded in my writing... lol

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
No, but having that person open to having a tag'a'long or two, is a consideration.

4) Are finances a consideration?
Not really. If I'm low on cash and a friend wants to do lunch, I'll just offer to cook for us.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
It can be.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
My entire family and circle of friends are "the last minute" types.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I think it's not only possible, but healthy. I like to have a diversity in my circle of friends. It gives me a different viewpoint and that is always a good thing.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
I would have to look at why my partner didn't like that person. If it's jealousy, then my partner and I have a problem. If it's just that the two of them don't hit it off, that's a different matter. In either case, I think that ending any friendship (unless your partner see's that it is an abusive friendship) is one step closer to being controlled. That isn't healthy for any involved.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
A friend took exception to my opinion on her parenting skills. Truthfully, I should have handled it differently, but also truthfully, I would never had done so, if I hadn't genuinely feared for the safety and well being of her children. The state eventually took all three children away, so I wasn't off base. Just wished I had handled it differently.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
Does more than one count? In my early 20's I was an emotional and spiritual mess. Everytime I would try and modify my behavior, every time I'd find my way back to faith, I would always be drug down by my circle of closest friends. We drank, partied, were promiscuous and dabbled in illegal drugs (speed for me). So, one day I realized that if I remained within that circle of friends, I would only fall deeper into that lifestyle. So, I cut them all off, though not completely. I simply stopped partying with them and going to them for advice. Eventually, we all went our seperate ways.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would strongly encourage them to not indulge. Preaching though, gets you and them no where. I would suggest clean and sober friendly activites instead of high risk ones. IE: I wouldn't suggest bar hopping to a friend who is an alcoholic.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I think I would be more aggressive in this case, than in the one I just answered. I've not only seen the statistics, but I worked in an abuse shelter for women and their children. It takes, on average, at least 3 times of "leaving" the abuser, before the abused can stay away from them. Sadly, a lot are dead before they can leave that third time. I would offer support, a place to stay, even a place where she/he can come just to step away from it for a few hours every day.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Build up a huge brick wall between us that had a no trespassing sign on my side of it. I hated being cheated on and there's no way I would even allow myself to be tempted to cause that kind of pain for another person, especially a friend.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
Try and gauge how they are feeling, or outright ask. Instead of distancing myself without explanaton, I would do my best to be honest with that person about what I was feeling. Then, we both, or I could decide if our friendship could withstand a relationship and/or a break up. I'm a firm believer, however, in a relationship starting with a very strong friendship foundation.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
Eventually, yes. When I first became friends with my ex, I noticed that she would feed her dog off of her spoon or fork. It drove me crazy and I spoke up about it right away. lol.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
I don't know if we can "outgrow" a friend. I do know that our paths can grow apart. My best friend from childhood was Twila. I met her in Nursery class sunday school. I was 3 and she was just turning 3. We were tied together from that day on. We were in the same grade at school, both attended the same Bible college, both went into the mission field. However, shortly after coming home, she became engaged and got married. I simply had nothing in common with her anymore. We still consider each other the best of friends, but we've both moved forward with our lives.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
39 years. We remained friends by simply reaching out from time to time and touching base with each other. We were together every day at school, then again at church, in the girls club at church, the youth fellowship at church and then the same Bible college. You can't have someone be a part of your daily life for more than 20 years, without that person leaving a strong imprint on the surface of your heart.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
Two of my ex's are friends now, although one, the most recent, is making friendship very difficult. My philosophy on this is that it IS possible to remain friends with an ex, it just takes time and committment and a mutual desire to remain friends.

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
For me, sex is an expression of love. I could/would never indulge in sex, just for the sake of having sex.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
My partner will be my best friend, so I don't know that they differ entirely, but most definitely differ in intensity. Honesty is a prerequisite for both, an open mind and heart. I would expect my partner to be romantic with only me, but would not expect my friend to be friends with only me.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Two occassions, one funny, one serious. Funny one first. A young lady that I attended bible college with was very shy, meek and timid. Lunch there was a "family" affair. The student body ate all meals together as a whole and this day was no exception. A young man who had a crush on said young lady, began teasing her about taking her piece of pie. She blushed and laughed and bent over it a bit. He pushed her face into it. Suddenly, it wasn't so funny for her, in fact it was embarassing and I saw her eyes filling with tears. That day, we just so happened to have been served spinach in a butter and vinegar sauce. I stood up, grabbed a handful of spinach and slapped it in the young man's face. lol. The faculty also ate with us and I was worried about a reprimand, but no matter what, I would do it again. My next class followed lunch immeidately, and this young man was also in that class. The assistant dean of students was the professor of that class, so I entered the classroom rather timidly. While the young man and I both, cleaned up the mess in the cafeteria, the young man had not had time to change his clothes. Anyway, when the young man walked into the classroom a few minutes late, the professor stopped speaking and sniffed the air and grinned and said "wasn't expecting retaliation, were you?" and laughed. No one ever said anything to me about it, but the young lady later came to me and thanked me. Said she had never been able to stand up for herself and was thankful that I had done so in her stead.

Serious. One of my childhood friends, moved in and out of our area frequently. When she was 17, she had been living in a town about 30 miles from where I lived. I hadn't seen her for nearly 3 years. On the day after thanksgiving, my friends mother was driving her to work and hit a patch of black ice and swerved into the path of a semi. Her mother was killed instantly.
I was babysitting at the time, and Mother came and got me, told me "Christols Mom was killed this morning, she's at her grandmothers and wants you to come in." As soon as I was able, I went. I was afraid. I was shy and was in that awful awkward stage of, "what do I say?" When I walked in and saw Christol, and she saw me, she through herself into my arms and just sobbed. She hadn't recalled the accident, but did recall finding her mothers body on the road and laying on it to keep her warm. It took 4 men to pull her off. She wouldn't stop crying and her brother and sisters were all crying, as was her grandmother. Finally, in a small tear shakey voice, Christol asked me to pray for her. So I did. I don't remember what I said, but when I was done, they soon stopped crying and began talking about good memories. Christol later told me that when I prayed for them, she heard her mother say, "I'm ok baby, I'm with Jesus." It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there.

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
When Mother died the loss was sudden and dramatic. The days folloowing her death are sketchy for me, at best. At her funeral, a friend who had been friends with me our whole lives, but hadn't really stayed in touch, was there. I don't recall a word she said or didn't say. All I remember was her taking my hand and leading me into the sanctuary for the service, after we said our last goodbyes to Mother. She sat beside me, my hand still in hers. When the service was over and we moved to the graveside, she stood behind me, still holding my hand. When the services were over, she hugged me tight, told me she loved me, she would miss "Aunt Sue" (Mother) and to call her if I needed anything. Then she left. I've never before nor since, ever felt that kind of agape love from anyone. I strive to be the kind of friend she was to me that day.


17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Illegal activites, dishonesty and "two-faced" behaviors and a desire to "control" me or our friendship.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
LOL, anything that doesn't involve the afore mentioned things. lol


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
As much as I tease about this in chat, I am an equal oppurtunity friender!

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
Education doesn't always mean intelligence nor is it an indicator of intellect.

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
This is so not even an issue for me.

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
Diversity makes life interesting. As long as they don't try and "convert" me, we're good! I like learning about new things.

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
Pffffft. There are NOT many lesbian farm girl Mennonites around. If this were an issue, I'd be friendless. lol

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
Again, diversity makes everything more interesting.

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
That doesn't factor into things with me. I spend time with my god children and family. I have no children of my own.

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
This is a big factor for me. While I am not always in the presence of my god children, my god son specifically, I woud be hugely put off if someone refused to spend time with me when TT was with me. That would be a huge red flag for me.

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
Perhaps.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
Would love this!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Again, would enjoy this.

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
Not much into video games.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Football!

6) Participating in team sports
I'll watch! lol

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
I would love this.

8) Shopping
Not a shopper.

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
I enjoy both.

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Would be awesome, except no spiders.

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
The kitchen sink? lol



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
Not at all.

[Apocalipstic]

I am really enjoying reading these answers!

[Sparkle]

"I've got friends all over this country, I've got friends in other countries too. I'm got friends I haven't met yet, I've got friends I never knew." -ani

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?

It varies wildly, I see my two (local) best friends often. My best Femme once a week, sometimes more depending on what is going on; but my best Bear works 2nd shift and has a very active dating life so I see him once every two or three weeks. I see my sister (who is probably my closest friend) about once a month. But I have very close friends who live abroad or on the "other" coast - and I may only see them once every couple of years.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?

I text and/or email with my besties every day, my sister and I gmail chat and text and facetime chat daily, I text/email/facebook with close friends who live far away far less frequently - some weekly, some every month or two, some once or twice a year.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?

Yes. For me it is actually dog care, it can be challenging to go away for a weekend or for day trips that are more than 8hours. And my friends with children have to do a lot of juggling in terms of time and competing needs and priorities, and so that often plays a role in what/where/how/when we spend time together.

4) Are finances a consideration?

Yes. Money is always a consideration in *what* we do, none of us are independently wealthy nor do we "come from money"; but it is not a consideration in terms of doing something together - we will all quite happily watch a dvd or eat leftovers or chat over a cuppa tea together.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?

No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?

Yeah, one of my besties works 2nd shift and I work pretty standard 9-5 hours so it makes it hard for us to see one another, except on the weekends and we both have so many other life obligations that 2-3-4 weekends can go by easily without seeing one another.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?

Yes, often out of necessity and sometimes because that is just how some of my friends are. Myself, I like a teensy bit more structure and planning, but I do my best to stay adaptable and responsive, because I love them (and spending time with them).


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?

Friendship is a human condition, any one can be friends with any one.

2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?

Yes, with sensitivity and clear communication - but resoundingly yes.


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.

When my former partner and I split after a long-time, it was a messy ending. There was a group of people that I considered close friends, they felt that they had to "choose sides" because they were originally friends with my partner, and so they chose her. It made a painful break up more horrible and I remember feeling so adrift without a group of close friends.

(very) many years later my former partner and I have managed to come back around to a place of friendship, and I'm grateful for that.


4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.

I sometimes drift away from friendships but I rarely cut them off I don't view most relationships in absolutes. I have placed distance in some of my friendships though. One recent example was a friendship that went from "close friend" to "social acquaintance" status because she behaved in ways that were cruel and caustic and unflinchingly unkind and she was not at all sorry about it. I don't dislike her but I would never trust her enough to be close again.


9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?

No. We all have annoying and harmless habits, I would try to find my way to loving that about her/him.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

I had two friends in college, I call them my "naughty friends", we had a lot of fun and did lots of naughty things; I have some great stories from that time
but I've grown up and moved on and I don't really see a place for them in my life now, some of their core values do not match with mine (and never did).

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?

My sister is probably my oldest friend and closest friend, so 33 years. We've managed to stay friends and become closer with every year by being loving and supportive to one another, by talking honestly and being open to having the hard conversations, by listening well, by knowing when the best thing is not to talk but just to 'be' there for each other and by laughing together whenever we can.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?

Yes, I am friends with most of my former partners with varying degrees of closeness. My philosophy is that friendship should be the foundation upon which any romantic partnership is built, and if that was the case then there is often the potential to salvage and rebuild a friendship (down the line).

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?

I think it is possible for that to work but I found it to be tricky and temporal.


15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

In my close circle of friends - this is what we do for one another, in little ways and big ways, all the time.


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:


1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

None of these are important to me, my friends are an amazing spectrum of humanity and that is just the way I like it!

I think that it is more important that we similar in terms of our values.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

I like to go to events (concerts or exhibitions or performances or films) or to cultural institutions; I like swimming and sunning and kayaking and dog-walking with my friends. I love making a meal, a cocktail and having a catch up on our lives. But what we do is far less important than intentionally making the time to be together.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

Just two random thoughts about friendships...

I often think about how long term friendships are a lot like the tides - I think we grow closer and further apart in turn over the course of our lives influenced by any number of internal and external factors. I think it is healthy to acknowledge that and to be kind to ourselves and with our friends during those further away times.

And another thing that I find fascinating and miraculous is that there are some friendships that have this magical intangible connection that is real and close and exists all on its own, no matter the distance nor amount of time between seeing each other.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

I don't think so. Do you?

[Mr Nice Guy]

Friendship Survey



Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
As often as they want to see me.
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Just the phone and mostly to make plans. I do a lot of texting.
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
No, none of my friends have kids.
4) Are finances a consideration?
Nope. I'm happy just hanging.
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
No
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Yes. With relationships too. I have every sixth weekend off.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
I'm very laid back so I can go with whatever comes.


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker.
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Yes. It's my choice. Besides, my friends came first.

3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
I've never had that happen. Usually it's me because of their issues.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. My friend who dated my gf right after we broke up.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I would support them in any way.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I would kick some ass!
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
I would walk away after being truthful about why I needed space.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
I don't have any Femme friends so I don't worry about that.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
I have no filter. I always speak the truth.
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
Never had that happen.
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 10 years and we work together.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
No, I have one that wants to but I don't want that. It would be hard and besides she's straight now.
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
Been there, done that
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
I expect my friend not to fall in love with me.
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
Made their car payment
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
Brought me to hospitable for surgery and made me meatloaf after.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Date my ex


18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
I like people for themselves. Flaws and all.
Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
It's not
2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
not important
3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
not important
4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
not important
5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
not important
6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
I'd rather gay friends.
7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
I have no kids.
8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
N/A

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
I love doing this.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors.
Outside
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
both
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
both
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Not interested
6) Participating in team sports
I can't. Bad knee
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
concerts
8) Shopping
I like shopping
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
I can't cook but love to eat.
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
All of the above.

11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?

Nothing that I can think of.

BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?
Nope. I love Femmes.

[Ginger]

Yotlyolqualli wrote:

Serious. One of my childhood friends, moved in and out of our area frequently. When she was 17, she had been living in a town about 30 miles from where I lived. I hadn't seen her for nearly 3 years. On the day after thanksgiving, my friends mother was driving her to work and hit a patch of black ice and swerved into the path of a semi. Her mother was killed instantly.
I was babysitting at the time, and Mother came and got me, told me "Christols Mom was killed this morning, she's at her grandmothers and wants you to come in." As soon as I was able, I went. I was afraid. I was shy and was in that awful awkward stage of, "what do I say?" When I walked in and saw Christol, and she saw me, she through herself into my arms and just sobbed. She hadn't recalled the accident, but did recall finding her mothers body on the road and laying on it to keep her warm. It took 4 men to pull her off. She wouldn't stop crying and her brother and sisters were all crying, as was her grandmother. Finally, in a small tear shakey voice, Christol asked me to pray for her. So I did. I don't remember what I said, but when I was done, they soon stopped crying and began talking about good memories. Christol later told me that when I prayed for them, she heard her mother say, "I'm ok baby, I'm with Jesus." It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there.


*******************************


Yotlyolqualli, I think you said it all when you say: "It doesn't take a lot to mean a lot to someone else. Just be there."

For me the worst feeling in the world, is being alone in a difficult time. It takes thoughtfulness to remember people need other people; not money, not tickets to shows, just sitting with them or picking up the phone. And yet, it's so easy to forget that. But the more we experience that kind of thoughtfulness, the more we integrate it into our behavior, IMO.

[Ginger]

Yotlyolqualli wrote:

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would strongly encourage them to not indulge. Preaching though, gets you and them no where. I would suggest clean and sober friendly activites instead of high risk ones. IE: I wouldn't suggest bar hopping to a friend who is an alcoholic.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
I think I would be more aggressive in this case, than in the one I just answered. I've not only seen the statistics, but I worked in an abuse shelter for women and their children. It takes, on average, at least 3 times of "leaving" the abuser, before the abused can stay away from them. Sadly, a lot are dead before they can leave that third time. I would offer support, a place to stay, even a place where she/he can come just to step away from it for a few hours every day.

*************

I didn't know, it takes three times on average to leave an abuser, but that sounds right... your point about having a place to go to for just a few hours at a time is really smart, I hadn't thought of that but I can see how it's a good strategy for helping someone.

And ha! The kitchen sink!

[Ginger]

Sparkle wrote:

Just two random thoughts about friendships...

I often think about how long term friendships are a lot like the tides - I think we grow closer and further apart in turn over the course of our lives influenced by any number of internal and external factors. I think it is healthy to acknowledge that and to be kind to ourselves and with our friends during those further away times.

And another thing that I find fascinating and miraculous is that there are some friendships that have this magical intangible connection that is real and close and exists all on its own, no matter the distance nor amount of time between seeing each other.

***************

I know what you mean about that connection that stays constant when distance and time fluctuate. I don't know what it is, that makes that happen. Maybe just core values? Very accepting personalities, so changes aren't a problem? I don't know.

***************

Sparkle wrote:

Yes, I am friends with most of my former partners with varying degrees of closeness. My philosophy is that friendship should be the foundation upon which any romantic partnership is built, and if that was the case then there is often the potential to salvage and rebuild a friendship (down the line).

***************

I feel EXACTLY the same way and tried to say it but you say it much better.


Scout

[Ginger]

Mr. Nice Guy wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker.

********************

That is so interesting, Mr. Nice Guy. You're the first person who said that, but usually when one person says something, it's true for others who don't speak out.

When you say, "feelings pop up," if you're friends with a femme, it made me wonder if you're talking about your feelings, her feelings, or both.

I have found that some very good friendships start with crushes that die a natural death when one side doesn't return the energy. But that's just in my experience.



Scout

[Novelafemme]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? I see my best friend almost daily since we work together.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? I am so not a phone person. I do my best to reply to texts and phone calls.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? Nope.

4) Are finances a consideration? Not usually.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Oh yes. During the semester I will generally be invisible until the weekend and even then it's hard to pin me down socially. I try to meet friends for lunch dates during my work day if I can.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? I am totally a spur of the moment girl. I love a last minute date!


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? The same as my other friendships. My best friend is a guy and we've never had a problem.


2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? It would depend on why. I generally see people through rose colored glasses so sometimes it takes a more discerning eye. She is very loving and non-judgemental so unless the person was crossing some serious boundaries, she trusts my choices completely. If she felt strongly about a friendship I would of course put her before any other relationship.


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. Unfortunately, it has happened twice in my life, but both times were very necessary and mutually agreed upon. I don't regret our decision and wish them nothing but happiness.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. See above. People often want to put me into the friendship choke-hold and that just doesn't work for me.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I only experienced this a few years ago and it was truly a trying experience. I was socializing with people 5-8 years my junior and they were hard core partiers. Thankfully, I only stuck around for 3-4 months before wising up and making a break for it. If it were a dear friend I would be supportive but realistic. You can't fix someone's broken but you can encourage the necessary repairs.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? Get the hell out. Life is way too short.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Has never happened and never will.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? Crushes are one thing. We all have them and 99% of the time they aren't at all sexual. Again, it wouldn't happen.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? Probably not. I'm not easily bothered by the little things.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. I've outgrown many of the friendships I made when my girls were babies. Mommy friends are a fabulous support when kiddos are little, but I've found we all somehow end up going our separate ways as the kids get older. Although I do have one mom group I've been a part of for 11 years now.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 22 years. And when we get together it's like we are 17 again. I love her to pieces.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I have less than a handful of exes so I don't have a lot of experience with this, but I am friends with only one. It's taken time, patience and commitment on both our parts, but he is one of my nearest and dearest. We were very close before we became romantically involved. The others I have come to accept that I will never be friends with. And I am very ok with that!

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? Never tried it. Sounds messy.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? They differ in that I don't have many expectations of my friends other than that they be good, honest people with no ill intentions. With my partner I expect a whole different level of commitment, emotional and physical fidelity, and trust. Apples and oranges in my book.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. My bestie has been going through a really rough time lately. Just last night I was up late talking on the phone and texting with him so he could make the drive home feeling less anxious and upset. He's worth it. 150%

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. I was so grateful to her!

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? Remember that choke-hold I mentioned earlier? Ya, that! And being judgmental.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? Bossy, gassy, thumb sucker. Really...I'm not demanding!


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? -

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? -

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? -

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? -

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? -

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? -

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? slightly

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? i might have a problem if my kids were purposefully not included.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Like a bar? This does not sound like fun to me at all.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors YES!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater meh...

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else ish.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV meh...

6) Participating in team sports sure!

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) hell's ya!

8) Shopping yep!

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes, please!


10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals sure!

11) Other floating in the pool, listening to music and chatting the afternoon away.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? -



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? the thought never crossed my mind I am a sucker for a good survey!!

[Ginger]

Novalefemme wrote:

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. I was so grateful to her!


*****************

This made me gasp. What a great friend, keeping a cool head in a crisis! Cool concise remarks throughout the survey and fun to read! And PS, your avatar pic is really glamorous, kinda Mad Men. Have a great weekend,

Scout

[clay]

FONT="Arial Black"][SIZE="2"]Friendship Survey



Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person
Visits vary...as most all of mine live quite a distance away...as in like few hrs. away or in another state!
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Very often..almost daily with some, weekly with others..and maybe monthly with others...
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
At our ages...smiles...none of us have that to worry about...there ARE perks to being "golden"....grinz...however, we most of us own a pet or two, or three...soooo finding quality, reliable pet sitters is sometimes a consideration, too!

4) Are finances a consideration?
Sometimes but isn't a huge deterrent....as each is considerate of the other's situations...smiles..

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Of course......is just the right thing to do...as with myself, I have limited mobility, can't do stairs at all, and I am extrememly considerate of others with any sort of mobility issue, and of course, one's health is a factor....sooooo...yes.
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Absolutely not...as I am now totally disabled (medically retired)...so am "ready to go at a moment's notice...grin
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
see answer above to #6

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
Twofold...in that I don't have friends based on gender ID....friends are friends based on how our souls and hearts fit one another. Secondly, I have many friends of all spectrums on the rainbow scale....I simply heart them all!!!
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Generally speaking, absolutely. Factors to determine otherwise would be the reason she didn't like them in the first place. Not everyone will always like everyone else......
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
Years ago, someone was in an abusive (physical & mental) relationship...was always calling me up to vent, seek advice, etc...and then....decided to stay in that relationship, and cut our ties all together....
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
For me to do so takes a lot, and I mean a lot, of personal convictions. The last time I did this was hugely in part due to a lack of communication, first on her part, then a huge misunderstanding on both our parts. When someone doesn't communicate with me...then to me, it deems a lack of willingness on their part to communicate and work out whatever issues there may have been going on. Telling me you want the friendship to work and stay intact, yet not communicating...is difficult at best! In my heart of hearts, I deeply regret losing that beautful soul....and I miss her terribly! I will shoulder most of the blame!
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
That is a very difficult path to walk. Half the battle is for someone to admit they have a problem, then WANT to change their behavior. Otherwise, I have to leave that be...as I don't interfere unless my advice is sought. I will not be around those behaviors...at all...
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
see answer to #5
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Moral compass is extremely important to me. Crushes and "likes" are all a part of our human makeup...and are harmless in most cases. I would never cross those boundaries...as I am a firm believer in honoring boundaries with partnered folks.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
Since this could be ambiguous as it isn't stated if I was partnered, or single... I will respond on both counts. Partnered: see above. Single...if mutual, then would be an avenue to explore...as both would be single.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
That would all depend on what the habit was...tact & couth being relevant!
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
non applicable
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend?
One friend for 43 years, a second one for 45 years. I STILL am very close with both.
How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
Our hearts grew into one another's. Both are very, very special to me, and will always be. One lives in Guam, and the other in my state... Talk with both often, email, and text one in states often.
12) Do you have any friends who are exes?
Yes, I do, in fact.
What’s your philosophy about that?
My thoughts are that a friendship base existed before becoming lovers, then parting ways, so I would hope that remained the case. I know circumstances prevent that sometimes, but I believe we should try to maintain those if at all possible. There are exceptions to all cases however!
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
That was a mutually satisfying relationship to me. I only share these when single, and with select few. So long as both are consenting adults, and are mutually single, it can be very rewarding. Of course, my heart is always involved....on some level. I won't do "casual, stranger" sex...
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
To be quite blunt...I don't believe in fucking my friends!
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I bought someone a car several years ago...
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
During a very scary point in my life, that friend gave up 6 weeks of her life to be by my side, even moving me during that time frame. THAT is a real friend!!! I still miss her!!!
17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Funny you should ask this one. IF I believe deeply within my soul and heart, that a friend is not making a wise decision, I will discuss it with her/hym, and should they choose to end the friendship over it...well....there is not much else I can do. Drugs and alcohol abuse...liars, thieves, and unscrupulous behavior towards my relationship are top of the list for me.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
[B][COLOR="Blue"]Almost anything petty, insignificant, or unconsequential would be among things I can overlook, deal with....BUT see #17 above for reasons of exclusion.

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?

Most of these are non essential. If they were to have kids, then when it is not an "adult only" event, those kids are welcomed with open arms...and would be expected to behave accordingly appropriate in any venue we are in.
Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
low on list

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
not
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Muchly enjoyed and appreciated to be doing!
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
no thanks!
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Enjoy some sporting events...so would be enjoyable.
6) Participating in team sports
Oh good...golf cart OR electric scooter races....whoohoooo YES!!
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

8) Shopping
Yes, please!
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
One of my most guilty pleasures!
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Fun! Fun!
11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
When will we all get to meet you, Ms. Island Scout?!



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

Absolutely not!!! I don't view gender in areas such as these surveys!

[Mr Nice Guy]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Mr. Nice Guy wrote:

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
I've never been able to be a friend with a Femme. Trust me I've tried but it doesn't work. Either their partner gets jealous or feelings pop up. Which makes for uncomfortable situations and I'm not a home wrecker.

********************

That is so interesting, Mr. Nice Guy. You're the first person who said that, but usually when one person says something, it's true for others who don't speak out.

When you say, "feelings pop up," if you're friends with a femme, it made me wonder if you're talking about your feelings, her feelings, or both.

I have found that some very good friendships start with crushes that die a natural death when one side doesn't return the energy. But that's just in my experience.



Scout

Hi, it's never been my feelings. I don't go there. If I did have feelings for someone who's involved I have to question why and see if I could just be friends and not more. I would never come between two people. I've been down that road where it has happened to me. I have respect for my friends and would never want to hurt them. More times then not I think it's just how I am. I can be very sweet and I'm a great listener and very Butch. Straight women are attracted to this because I think something's missing in their relationship so they see in me what they want from a man. I guess that's why I here from their Moms that I wish my daughter was gay because your so nice and you would treat my daughter right. I'm just me and I'm nice because that's my personality. I can't help it. Sometimes it makes me sad because there's a lot of people in this world that aren't happy with themselves or they're afraid to just be. When it comes to lesbian Femmes it's mostly the Butches that are nervous or get jealous. Being online I can be friends with anyone without worrying about this.