Friendship Survey

[Novelafemme]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person? I see my best friend almost daily since we work together.

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend? I am so not a phone person. I do my best to reply to texts and phone calls.

3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend? Nope.

4) Are finances a consideration? Not usually.

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration? No.

6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration? Oh yes. During the semester I will generally be invisible until the weekend and even then it's hard to pin me down socially. I try to meet friends for lunch dates during my work day if I can.

7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it? I am totally a spur of the moment girl. I love a last minute date!


Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships? The same as my other friendships. My best friend is a guy and we've never had a problem.


2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person? It would depend on why. I generally see people through rose colored glasses so sometimes it takes a more discerning eye. She is very loving and non-judgemental so unless the person was crossing some serious boundaries, she trusts my choices completely. If she felt strongly about a friendship I would of course put her before any other relationship.


3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend. Unfortunately, it has happened twice in my life, but both times were very necessary and mutually agreed upon. I don't regret our decision and wish them nothing but happiness.

4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend. See above. People often want to put me into the friendship choke-hold and that just doesn't work for me.

5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem? I only experienced this a few years ago and it was truly a trying experience. I was socializing with people 5-8 years my junior and they were hard core partiers. Thankfully, I only stuck around for 3-4 months before wising up and making a break for it. If it were a dear friend I would be supportive but realistic. You can't fix someone's broken but you can encourage the necessary repairs.

6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship? Get the hell out. Life is way too short.

7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do? Has never happened and never will.

8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do? Crushes are one thing. We all have them and 99% of the time they aren't at all sexual. Again, it wouldn't happen.

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her? Probably not. I'm not easily bothered by the little things.

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable. I've outgrown many of the friendships I made when my girls were babies. Mommy friends are a fabulous support when kiddos are little, but I've found we all somehow end up going our separate ways as the kids get older. Although I do have one mom group I've been a part of for 11 years now.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time? 22 years. And when we get together it's like we are 17 again. I love her to pieces.

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that? I have less than a handful of exes so I don't have a lot of experience with this, but I am friends with only one. It's taken time, patience and commitment on both our parts, but he is one of my nearest and dearest. We were very close before we became romantically involved. The others I have come to accept that I will never be friends with. And I am very ok with that!

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”? Never tried it. Sounds messy.

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner? They differ in that I don't have many expectations of my friends other than that they be good, honest people with no ill intentions. With my partner I expect a whole different level of commitment, emotional and physical fidelity, and trust. Apples and oranges in my book.

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend. My bestie has been going through a really rough time lately. Just last night I was up late talking on the phone and texting with him so he could make the drive home feeling less anxious and upset. He's worth it. 150%

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you. My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. I was so grateful to her!

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone? Remember that choke-hold I mentioned earlier? Ya, that! And being judgmental.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend? Bossy, gassy, thumb sucker. Really...I'm not demanding!


Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours? -

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours? -

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours? -

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours? -

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours? -

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours? -

7) …your small or adult children like your friends? slightly

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together? i might have a problem if my kids were purposefully not included.


Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc. Like a bar? This does not sound like fun to me at all.

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors YES!

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater meh...

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else ish.

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV meh...

6) Participating in team sports sure!

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.) hell's ya!

8) Shopping yep!

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants yes, please!


10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals sure!

11) Other floating in the pool, listening to music and chatting the afternoon away.


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out? -



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way? the thought never crossed my mind I am a sucker for a good survey!!

[Ginger]

Novalefemme wrote:

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.

My wedding day. I had a make up crisis and my dear friend ran to the store for all sorts of make up requests just a half hour before the nuptials. Then she put it all on me. I was so grateful to her!


*****************

This made me gasp. What a great friend, keeping a cool head in a crisis! Cool concise remarks throughout the survey and fun to read! And PS, your avatar pic is really glamorous, kinda Mad Men. Have a great weekend,

Scout

[clay]

FONT="Arial Black"][SIZE="2"]Friendship Survey



Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person
Visits vary...as most all of mine live quite a distance away...as in like few hrs. away or in another state!
2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
Very often..almost daily with some, weekly with others..and maybe monthly with others...
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
At our ages...smiles...none of us have that to worry about...there ARE perks to being "golden"....grinz...however, we most of us own a pet or two, or three...soooo finding quality, reliable pet sitters is sometimes a consideration, too!

4) Are finances a consideration?
Sometimes but isn't a huge deterrent....as each is considerate of the other's situations...smiles..

5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
Of course......is just the right thing to do...as with myself, I have limited mobility, can't do stairs at all, and I am extrememly considerate of others with any sort of mobility issue, and of course, one's health is a factor....sooooo...yes.
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
Absolutely not...as I am now totally disabled (medically retired)...so am "ready to go at a moment's notice...grin
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
see answer above to #6

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
Twofold...in that I don't have friends based on gender ID....friends are friends based on how our souls and hearts fit one another. Secondly, I have many friends of all spectrums on the rainbow scale....I simply heart them all!!!
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
Generally speaking, absolutely. Factors to determine otherwise would be the reason she didn't like them in the first place. Not everyone will always like everyone else......
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
Years ago, someone was in an abusive (physical & mental) relationship...was always calling me up to vent, seek advice, etc...and then....decided to stay in that relationship, and cut our ties all together....
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
For me to do so takes a lot, and I mean a lot, of personal convictions. The last time I did this was hugely in part due to a lack of communication, first on her part, then a huge misunderstanding on both our parts. When someone doesn't communicate with me...then to me, it deems a lack of willingness on their part to communicate and work out whatever issues there may have been going on. Telling me you want the friendship to work and stay intact, yet not communicating...is difficult at best! In my heart of hearts, I deeply regret losing that beautful soul....and I miss her terribly! I will shoulder most of the blame!
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
That is a very difficult path to walk. Half the battle is for someone to admit they have a problem, then WANT to change their behavior. Otherwise, I have to leave that be...as I don't interfere unless my advice is sought. I will not be around those behaviors...at all...
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
see answer to #5
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
Moral compass is extremely important to me. Crushes and "likes" are all a part of our human makeup...and are harmless in most cases. I would never cross those boundaries...as I am a firm believer in honoring boundaries with partnered folks.
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
Since this could be ambiguous as it isn't stated if I was partnered, or single... I will respond on both counts. Partnered: see above. Single...if mutual, then would be an avenue to explore...as both would be single.
9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
That would all depend on what the habit was...tact & couth being relevant!
10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.
non applicable
11) How many years have you known your oldest friend?
One friend for 43 years, a second one for 45 years. I STILL am very close with both.
How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
Our hearts grew into one another's. Both are very, very special to me, and will always be. One lives in Guam, and the other in my state... Talk with both often, email, and text one in states often.
12) Do you have any friends who are exes?
Yes, I do, in fact.
What’s your philosophy about that?
My thoughts are that a friendship base existed before becoming lovers, then parting ways, so I would hope that remained the case. I know circumstances prevent that sometimes, but I believe we should try to maintain those if at all possible. There are exceptions to all cases however!
13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
That was a mutually satisfying relationship to me. I only share these when single, and with select few. So long as both are consenting adults, and are mutually single, it can be very rewarding. Of course, my heart is always involved....on some level. I won't do "casual, stranger" sex...
14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
To be quite blunt...I don't believe in fucking my friends!
15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
I bought someone a car several years ago...
16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
During a very scary point in my life, that friend gave up 6 weeks of her life to be by my side, even moving me during that time frame. THAT is a real friend!!! I still miss her!!!
17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
Funny you should ask this one. IF I believe deeply within my soul and heart, that a friend is not making a wise decision, I will discuss it with her/hym, and should they choose to end the friendship over it...well....there is not much else I can do. Drugs and alcohol abuse...liars, thieves, and unscrupulous behavior towards my relationship are top of the list for me.

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
[B][COLOR="Blue"]Almost anything petty, insignificant, or unconsequential would be among things I can overlook, deal with....BUT see #17 above for reasons of exclusion.

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?

Most of these are non essential. If they were to have kids, then when it is not an "adult only" event, those kids are welcomed with open arms...and would be expected to behave accordingly appropriate in any venue we are in.
Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
low on list

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
not
3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
Muchly enjoyed and appreciated to be doing!
4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
no thanks!
5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
Enjoy some sporting events...so would be enjoyable.
6) Participating in team sports
Oh good...golf cart OR electric scooter races....whoohoooo YES!!
7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)

8) Shopping
Yes, please!
9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
One of my most guilty pleasures!
10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
Fun! Fun!
11) Other


Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
When will we all get to meet you, Ms. Island Scout?!



BONUS QUESTION: In your opinion, has the fact that this survey was created by a femme, affected it in any way?

Absolutely not!!! I don't view gender in areas such as these surveys!

[gaea]

Part 1 of 5: Logistic availability

1) How often do you see your friends in person?
As often as i can

2) How often do you talk on the phone, email, skype, etc. a friend?
as often as possible
3) Is childcare a consideration, when you’re making plans with a friend?
nope if the kid cant go we shouldn't be making those plans
4) Are finances a consideration?
no, there are all kinds of things to do in life that do not require money
5) Is accessibility or health a consideration?
sometimes, i have a friend here with celiac disease so we have to watch her diet
6) Is your work or class schedule a consideration?
yes
7) Does last-minute planning figure into your friendships, either out of necessity or just because that’s the way you prefer it?
plan ahead or last minute its all good

Part 2 of 5: Boundaries, expectations and values

1) What are your thoughts on butch/femme friendships?
i think they can work, the hard part is often times my butch freindsh will get in relationships and then i wont see or hear from them for awhile, its ok though because i know they are still there and they know i value my friendships
2) If your partner didn’t like someone, would you still be friends with that person?
yes because my partner (if i had one)) would be the kind that understood they do not get to dictate whom my friends are or are not, this is up to me and me only, i would show my partner same respect
3) Describe a time someone cut you off as a friend.
when my friend had a psychotic episode she cut me off and out of her life...i really didn't understand it, she didn't want me to see her go through that.
4) Describe a time you cut someone off as a friend.
when i learned i was only being used for what i could do "for them"
5) How would you respond, if you realized a friend had a substance abuse problem?
I would distance my self
6) How would you respond, if your friend were in an abusive relationship?
tell hym/her get out and if they couldnt just be there for them be a support person
7) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (partnered) friend, what would you do?
walk away....this would not be healthy for either it crosses too many bioundaries
8) If you began to have romantic feelings about your (single) friend, what would you do?
knowing me...i would keep my mouth shut no matter how interested i am

9) If your friend had what you considered an annoying, albeit harmless habit, would you tell her?
yes

10) Describe a time that you “outgrew” a friend, if applicable.

11) How many years have you known your oldest friend? How have you managed to stay friends, over time?
27 years and counting

12) Do you have any friends who are exes? What’s your philosophy about that?
i do my best in this area

13) How do you feel about “friends with benefits”?
it doesnt work...at least not for me

14) How do your expectations of a friend differ from your expectations of a romantic partner?
i would want my romantic partner to spoon me at night...i do nto expect this from friends...a romantic partner is also a friend

15) Describe a time when you really came through for a friend.
My freind J...was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had no one to drive her to see her boys, so i did...then i took her and her boys to the tat shop they got matching tats and i sat through it all, i was able to give her a weekend with her boys she might not have had otherwise...i would do it again and again

16) Describe a time a friend really came through for you.
i have had the pleasure of multiple people coming through for me...sometimes..the most recent a phone call in the middle of my tears and she had no idea her timing was perfect.

17) What are a few deal breakers that would stop you being friends with someone?
finding out im being used....someone saying nasty things about me, abusing the friendships etc..

18) What are the kinds of characters flaws you can overlook in a friend?
it is not up to me to judge character flaws...sometimes character flaws is what makes a person unique so they aren't flaws at all

Part 3 of 5: How important is it to you that:

1) …your friend’s age is fairly close to yours?
not at all important, i have a great many friends 20 years older than i

2) …your friend’s educational level is similar to yours?
everyone has a different education therefore this does not matter

3) …your friend’s economic situation is similar to yours?
again this is of no importance as to how a freindship is built or sustained

4) …your friend’s religious beliefs are similar to yours?
not at all

5) …your friend’s class background is similar to yours?
nope we all come from different degrees of so called classes

6) …your friend’s gender identity or sexual preference is similar to yours?
not an issue

7) …your small or adult children like your friends?
it is up to me to like my friends, not my children

8) …your friends like to include your children, when you hang out together?
not important factor...sometimes we do sometimes we do not

Part 4 of 5: Which of the following shared activities with a friend appeal to you?

1) Attending singles events and supporting each other as you scan the environment for someone to flirt with, etc.
that would be fun lol

2) Exercising; outdoors or indoors
i would love this

3) Watching movies or videos; at home or in a theater
i do this now with friends...

4) Playing video or electronic games; at home or somewhere else
pinball!!!! racing....would be a blast

5) Attending sports events or watching sports on TV
yep i do this

6) Participating in team sports
I do this as well

7) Attending cultural events (museums, concerts, readings, etc.)
I enjoy these events as well

8) Shopping
i despise shopping i am not a good friend to do this with however i try....and i make attempts now...and im planning a shopping trip with someone

9) Cooking, or eating in restaurants
yep love this too

10) Visiting wildlife centers, going to a county fair, hanging out to watch the dog run in an urban area, bird watching—anything that involves animals
I have friends i do this with as well
11) Other
For the above 10 questions, i have many friends in life that i can do all the above with not one person has to match all of this...different friends meet different needs...the best of the best are the ones i can call up and say hey i just need an ear...they know who they are...and they know that when they need an ear im there for them.

Part 5 of 5: What important things has this survey left out?
I liked this survey....Friendships are unique in and of themselves...as no two friendships are exactly the same...they are like fingerprints.

I also like that a femme created it...