Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes - Page 2

Inked_Trinity · 04-14-2013, 05:58 PM

Lord please forgive me, because sometimes I know exactly what I am doing and I fucking do it anyway

Wolfsong · 04-15-2013, 04:51 AM

**** ADULT TRUTHS ******

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. My sister and wife think it's funny to sit at the kitchen table, drink coffee, and giggle because a spider startled me (ok fuck it, the thing scared the crap out of me). It's perfectly ok........later when they leave to go shopping I'll take their deodorants out of the dispenser and replace them with a stick of butter.

16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

21. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

25. How is it possible that my wife, who leaves her shit everywhere, can find things at the mere thought of it, and I, who meticulously put things away in a neat and orderly fashion, usually color-coded and in alphabetical order, cannot find something as simple as my shoes?

25. I have the short-term memory of a lint ball. There are times that I am so forgetful that I could actually plan my own surprise party.

Girl_On_Fire · 04-15-2013, 10:36 PM

If your lips were any closer to her ass you'd be fired for sexual harassment.

Bèsame* · 04-15-2013, 11:32 PM

Inked_Trinity · 04-23-2013, 04:52 AM

Today is one of those days that I will be using caffeine as if it were life support.

Inked_Trinity · 04-23-2013, 05:17 AM

Inked_Trinity · 04-24-2013, 05:38 PM

is now in a relationship with an ice cold beer.

Inked_Trinity · 04-25-2013, 07:59 AM

Inked_Trinity · 04-28-2013, 06:04 PM

Inked_Trinity · 04-28-2013, 06:06 PM

Inked_Trinity · 04-29-2013, 03:50 PM

I understand you can't fix stupid, but how do you keep people from using it?

Inked_Trinity · 04-29-2013, 03:51 PM

I have just been told the world doesn't revolve around me, I know it doesn't....... it revolves around the sun which shines out of my ass

midwest chick · 04-29-2013, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inked_Trinity

I understand you can't fix stupid, but how do you keep people from using it?

medication and sedation...

Inked_Trinity · 05-03-2013, 11:02 AM

Exercise: The process of converting big meals & fattening snacks into muscle, by lifting things that don't need to be moved & running when no one is chasing you.

Inked_Trinity · 05-03-2013, 11:10 AM

I know I am honest, loud, hard to handle, crazy, and funny...... But, please try to keep up!!

Inked_Trinity · 05-03-2013, 06:58 PM

I'm perfectly willing to cooperate as long as it requires no effort on my part.

Kobi · 05-03-2013, 08:21 PM

Inked_Trinity · 05-09-2013, 08:59 PM

Inked_Trinity · 05-13-2013, 07:21 AM

Inked_Trinity · 05-13-2013, 07:49 AM

04-14-2013, 05:58 PM	#1
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Lord please forgive me, because sometimes I know exactly what I am doing and I fucking do it anyway __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-15-2013, 04:51 AM	#2
Wolfsong Member How Do You Identify?: Aw man....another label? Preferred Pronoun?: Boys will be boys Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2012 Location: 60south-side Posts: 576 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 529 Thanked 2,031 Times in 418 Posts Rep Power: 20231739	** ADULT TRUTHS **** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. My sister and wife think it's funny to sit at the kitchen table, drink coffee, and giggle because a spider startled me (ok fuck it, the thing scared the crap out of me). It's perfectly ok........later when they leave to go shopping I'll take their deodorants out of the dispenser and replace them with a stick of butter. 16. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 17. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 20. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 21. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. 22. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. 25. How is it possible that my wife, who leaves her shit everywhere, can find things at the mere thought of it, and I, who meticulously put things away in a neat and orderly fashion, usually color-coded and in alphabetical order, cannot find something as simple as my shoes? 25. I have the short-term memory of a lint ball. There are times that I am so forgetful that I could actually plan my own surprise party. __________________ "I want a government small enough to fit inside the Constitution." (Harry Browne - 1933 - 2006.)

04-15-2013, 10:36 PM	#3
Girl_On_Fire Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her Relationship Status: On Hiatus Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Connecticut Posts: 690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,020 Thanked 2,684 Times in 562 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	If your lips were any closer to her ass you'd be fired for sexual harassment. __________________ "Quit trying to reason with unreasonable people. It's like trying to have a meaningful conversation with an end table." ~ Girl_On_Fire

04-15-2013, 11:32 PM	#4
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: loved by many Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 15,395 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,144 Thanked 40,962 Times in 10,745 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	__________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

04-23-2013, 04:52 AM	#5
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Today is one of those days that I will be using caffeine as if it were life support. __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-23-2013, 05:17 AM	#6
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-24-2013, 05:38 PM	#7
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	is now in a relationship with an ice cold beer. __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-25-2013, 07:59 AM	#8
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-28-2013, 06:04 PM	#9
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-28-2013, 06:06 PM	#10
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-29-2013, 03:50 PM	#11
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I understand you can't fix stupid, but how do you keep people from using it? __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-29-2013, 03:51 PM	#12
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have just been told the world doesn't revolve around me, I know it doesn't....... it revolves around the sun which shines out of my ass __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-03-2013, 11:02 AM	#14
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Exercise: The process of converting big meals & fattening snacks into muscle, by lifting things that don't need to be moved & running when no one is chasing you. __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-03-2013, 11:10 AM	#15
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I know I am honest, loud, hard to handle, crazy, and funny...... But, please try to keep up!! __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-03-2013, 06:58 PM	#16
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I'm perfectly willing to cooperate as long as it requires no effort on my part. __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-03-2013, 08:21 PM	#17
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,618 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	__________________

05-09-2013, 08:59 PM	#18
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-13-2013, 07:21 AM	#19
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

05-13-2013, 07:49 AM	#20
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,927 Times in 1,819 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	__________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.