PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

Our Deepest Fear


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson--from her book, "A Return To Love"

Thank you Shug! Powerful poem I needed to read today.

I struggle with the first 2 stanzas of the poem. Who am I?

Who am I to have an opinion?
Who am I to set boundaries?
Who am I to need boundaries?
Who am I to tell someone else how I expect to be treated?
Who am I to expect anything?
Who am I to have human reactions?
Who am I to hurt?
Who am I to have feelings?
Who am I to feel afraid?
Who am I to be horrified?
Who am I to take up space?
Who am I to scream?
Who am I to defend myself?
Who am I to have nightmares?
Who am I?

Being brought up in a full on trauma situation I was taught that to think I am brilliant, beautiful, funny, smart or talented is tooting my own horn and thinking too much of myself.

I like the last part of the poem especially where it says that if we let our light shine it gives other people permission to do the same. That is so powerful.

We are here, we are alive, we are deserving, we are stronger than we ever thought was possible. Let's shine!

I was talking to Cynthia (my G/F) about how bad things that have happened to me as an adult are kind of blips for me...yeah, it sucked but I got through it. I think those of us who have faced the worst things imaginable happening to us and survived have a different way of being. Our coping mechanisms (twisted as some of them may be) are in place to deal with crisis and we deal well.

It's the every day stuff....the noises, the knock on the door, the ring of the phone, a look, a lie.....that mess me up.

I'm rambling.....

[Canela]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Thank you Shug! Powerful poem I needed to read today.

I struggle with the first 2 stanzas of the poem. Who am I?

Who am I to have an opinion?
Who am I to set boundaries?
Who am I to need boundaries?
Who am I to tell someone else how I expect to be treated?
Who am I to expect anything?
Who am I to have human reactions?
Who am I to hurt?
Who am I to have feelings?
Who am I to feel afraid?
Who am I to be horrified?
Who am I to take up space?
Who am I to scream?
Who am I to defend myself?
Who am I to have nightmares?
Who am I?

Being brought up in a full on trauma situation I was taught that to think I am brilliant, beautiful, funny, smart or talented is tooting my own horn and thinking too much of myself.

I like the last part of the poem especially where it says that if we let our light shine it gives other people permission to do the same. That is so powerful.

We are here, we are alive, we are deserving, we are stronger than we ever thought was possible. Let's shine!

I was talking to Cynthia (my G/F) about how bad things that have happened to me as an adult are kind of blips for me...yeah, it sucked but I got through it. I think those of us who have faced the worst things imaginable happening to us and survived have a different way of being. Our coping mechanisms (twisted as some of them may be) are in place to deal with crisis and we deal well.

It's the every day stuff....the noises, the knock on the door, the ring of the phone, a look, a lie.....that mess me up.

I'm rambling.....

Not rambling, purging...go ahead, get it out of you. This is your thread for this purpose remember? If you can't ramble here, where can you?

I am glad this poem felt good for you. The first time I read it, I didn't think it meant ME too. I thought, this is for everyone else...Did you ever see (and who hasn't?) My big fat greek wedding--the part where she's a kid, walking silently around the table of pretty girls, and wanted to be as invisible as possible? That was me. I could soooo relate to her. Wanting to be invisible and allowing others to make me stay in a "lesser" role or mode...I had to learn to choose that positive words spoken to me were really for me. It took me sooo many years to learn how to accept a compliment, I just couldn't believe they meant them for me. I was somewhat intelligent but I let others make me feel stupid. Until I found that one perfect source that assured me that I was competent, valuable, special and even beautiful. I know I may not be beautiful to everyone...but I feel beautiful most days from the inside out...because I have been healed...and I didn't think it would ever happen but it did, praise God...

Abuse, gone
Anger, mostly gone...
Pain, mostly gone
Depression, mostly gone
Self worth, intact
Self esteem, intact
Competence level, average or above
Love, perfectly perfect

I have issues, problems, conflict sure...but I can't hold onto the past anymore, it just takes so much out of me and I don't want to carry any of that around anymore...it weighs heavily on my back...so I gave it to HIM.

I finally believed and accepted God's love for me.

I don't know how you feel about spirituality, I only know what works for me...

I pray you find what works for you soon too...and if sharing this poem or something else gives you a little lift then amen, I've done what I think I'm supposed to do. Be here for you and everyone who needs me--a friend.

Now I'm rambling...sharing.

[AtLast]

Just stopping in to give a warm virtual Hello to all. Hearing about everyone's trials with PTSD has been on my mind continually the past couple of days. This is a good thing because it is connecting me more with just how powerful a thread like this is with people like you can be. I was off on a hike today with my dog and thought about people here and where I have come and gone and will end up and did a little Chant-Whoop for you all as I sat near a quiet bay inlet, resting. Thought it was one way to lend support, or at least a way for me to try to. You all just plain matter!

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

Not rambling, purging...go ahead, get it out of you. This is your thread for this purpose remember? If you can't ramble here, where can you?

I am glad this poem felt good for you. The first time I read it, I didn't think it meant ME too. I thought, this is for everyone else...Did you ever see (and who hasn't?) My big fat greek wedding--the part where she's a kid, walking silently around the table of pretty girls, and wanted to be as invisible as possible? That was me. I could soooo relate to her. Wanting to be invisible and allowing others to make me stay in a "lesser" role or mode...I had to learn to choose that positive words spoken to me were really for me. It took me sooo many years to learn how to accept a compliment, I just couldn't believe they meant them for me. I was somewhat intelligent but I let others make me feel stupid. Until I found that one perfect source that assured me that I was competent, valuable, special and even beautiful. I know I may not be beautiful to everyone...but I feel beautiful most days from the inside out...because I have been healed...and I didn't think it would ever happen but it did, praise God...

Abuse, gone
Anger, mostly gone...
Pain, mostly gone
Depression, mostly gone
Self worth, intact
Self esteem, intact
Competence level, average or above
Love, perfectly perfect

I have issues, problems, conflict sure...but I can't hold onto the past anymore, it just takes so much out of me and I don't want to carry any of that around anymore...it weighs heavily on my back...so I gave it to HIM.

I finally believed and accepted God's love for me.

I don't know how you feel about spirituality, I only know what works for me...

I pray you find what works for you soon too...and if sharing this poem or something else gives you a little lift then amen, I've done what I think I'm supposed to do. Be here for you and everyone who needs me--a friend.

Now I'm rambling...sharing.

I know!! I know!!! I hear from here mostly..how I am not alone...but it wasnt until I read both of these posts from Shug and "A"...that it now is starting to hit home.....omg....it was like you read my thoughts, but yet they are your own thoughts....could it be....could it really be that we all share that common thread of unworthiness and invisiblness....you are so right....i always looked and the pretty girls and never thought I could be like them...and still do to this very day.....I joke w my friends about just living vicariously thru them....bc I know i will never be worthy enough, pretty enough. good enough, "clean" enough...for anything else..or for anyone to want me....they laugh....and then i ask them...."what's it like to know________?" thank you for your posts....i know now that you really do know where I am at....and I know where you are at and/or have been....much love and peace....