Important things I learned from past relationships

Nomad · 07-02-2012, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guihong

*You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff.

*Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry.

*If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself.

*You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people.

*Accept the other person as they are that very moment. They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want.

*Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them.

*A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything.

such a great point. sometimes you arent on the same page or right enough with yourself to be right enough with someone else even if you do love them.

there's always something good in you and in the person you love even when there's something not working in your behavior choices. i learned that self-respect and having loved one another for so long means you can find a few small ways to be kind to one another during a breakup. there's nothing more representative of honest love than watching the person you broke up with try to be sweet to you or watching them struggle to respect your decision. there's a lot to admire in someone when you're breaking up with them and they still find ways to love you while helping to dismantle the world you made together. i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

KayCee · 07-02-2012, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomad

i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

This really touched my heart Nomad. It's so sweet but also kind of sad....but I know exactly what you mean.

lilapache · 07-03-2012, 12:16 PM

that all the amount of words are nothing... unless they area shown also...

Syr · 07-03-2012, 01:20 PM

Never, ever go back.

laruss · 08-21-2012, 12:05 PM

Some things I have learned from past relationships...

Patience.
To be true to myself.
Pay attention to the Red Flags in the beginning.
Be open to what can happen.
Compromise.
How to live well with others.
How important it is to be heard.
If it feels right do it, if it doesn't then don't.
Sex is way too important, not a place I am willing to compromise, sexual compatibility is a must.
Don't marry a gay man when you are in love with a woman.
Life always moves forward.
And most importantly... To Love fully, no matter how much it might hurt when they are gone.

~SweetCheeks~ · 08-21-2012, 01:26 PM

I leanred a lot from past relationships and yes it's true not all lessons in life are learned the easy way.

I am worth a whole lot more than I let myself settle for in the past.
I am a heck of a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be.
To really listen in the beginning if they are a good match you will know.
To see the relationship for what it is not what I hoped it would be.
Never stay because you feel obligated to.
That through all the hurt and pain, I still wish the other person happiness.
When your intincts say something isn't right listen.

I am sure I learned a lot more but these are some important ones for me.

Ginger · 08-21-2012, 02:05 PM

I learned that break ups bring out the worst but also the best in people.

When N and I broke up we had a house and an apartment and ten years of shared stuff. There was not one moment of haggling or fighting over assets. It went like this:

You take it. You always loved that thing.
No, you take it. It meant so much to you.

I spackled the holes in the wall from framed prints I removed, and touched up the paint, then moved furniture around so it wouldn't look so empty. She mailed me a huge box of Christmas presents, because she knew I was alone that first year, in another state.

We might not have been in love, but we trusted each other. That's what got us through the divorce.

From other breakups, I've learned:

If it isn't real, the pain will disappear fast.
If it is real, if there is love, it might take longer to get over, but the lessons will be deeper.

Honestly though, I'm a slow learner in all things, especially those involving my heart.

07-03-2012, 12:16 PM	#3
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	that all the amount of words are nothing... unless they area shown also... __________________ Don't get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

08-21-2012, 12:05 PM	#5
laruss Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She or Goddess Relationship Status: Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Edmonton Alberta Posts: 1,322 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,849 Thanked 5,329 Times in 1,045 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Some things I have learned from past relationships... Patience. To be true to myself. Pay attention to the Red Flags in the beginning. Be open to what can happen. Compromise. How to live well with others. How important it is to be heard. If it feels right do it, if it doesn't then don't. Sex is way too important, not a place I am willing to compromise, sexual compatibility is a must. Don't marry a gay man when you are in love with a woman. Life always moves forward. And most importantly... To Love fully, no matter how much it might hurt when they are gone. __________________ Creativity is a drug I can't do without. -Cecil B. DeMille

08-21-2012, 01:26 PM	#6
~SweetCheeks~ Member How Do You Identify?: femme-babygirl-brat Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Justin's babygirl Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: So Cal Posts: 733 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,608 Thanked 3,253 Times in 646 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Some things I learned I leanred a lot from past relationships and yes it's true not all lessons in life are learned the easy way. I am worth a whole lot more than I let myself settle for in the past. I am a heck of a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. To really listen in the beginning if they are a good match you will know. To see the relationship for what it is not what I hoped it would be. Never stay because you feel obligated to. That through all the hurt and pain, I still wish the other person happiness. When your intincts say something isn't right listen. I am sure I learned a lot more but these are some important ones for me.

07-03-2012, 01:20 PM	#4
Syr Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Syr Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northern Ontario, Canada Posts: 241 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 381 Thanked 1,130 Times in 217 Posts Rep Power: 13416617	Never, ever go back.

08-21-2012, 02:05 PM	#7
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,297 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I learned that break ups bring out the worst but also the best in people. When N and I broke up we had a house and an apartment and ten years of shared stuff. There was not one moment of haggling or fighting over assets. It went like this: You take it. You always loved that thing. No, you take it. It meant so much to you. I spackled the holes in the wall from framed prints I removed, and touched up the paint, then moved furniture around so it wouldn't look so empty. She mailed me a huge box of Christmas presents, because she knew I was alone that first year, in another state. We might not have been in love, but we trusted each other. That's what got us through the divorce. From other breakups, I've learned: If it isn't real, the pain will disappear fast. If it is real, if there is love, it might take longer to get over, but the lessons will be deeper. Honestly though, I'm a slow learner in all things, especially those involving my heart.