Can a poly/mono work?

Princess · 07-06-2012, 12:19 AM

I am dating a kinky poly transman...

I am mono...and accepting of our situation. He is very right, with honesty and communication everything has been working quite well. I know right where he stands, and he I. There isnt a day that goes by that we don't talk about how we are feeling, and what's needed to make it work. I do think it depends on the people involved, but I think that is with any relationship or situation. Honesty is the best policy no matter what the situation or relationship...but with trust and communication..most anything can work. Poly OR Mono.

2qt · 07-06-2012, 01:42 AM

No offence to the poly or mono people out there just my 2 cents worth so please don't hate for my post lol...

Personally I don't believe it can work because of the between the 2....I have been in a poly/mono relationship before and given it was my 1st attempt it was also one that will remain as a reminder to me why I was hesitant in the 1st place to get involved...

I was the mono and hy was the poly.... Initially I thought I could deal with things as long as we remained open and honest with each other, provided we did the whole communication thing everything would be sweet....

Alas as time progressed things began to change and other people involved begun to get noses out of place and it became a messy triangle of confusion, mistrust, anger, hurt between all who were involved....

Even though you are honest about who you are with or who you are attracted to or feel you want to explore things with, doesn't stop the realization of real feelings coming into the mix of things.... Being open and honest doesn't stop the mind or heart wondering if they are enjoying them more then you or the feeling of being inadequate to meet their needs as a whole and I found out in the end that's exactly what was felt....

I find whilst one persons needs are met there is always someone who is meeting just one side of the persons needs when you mix the 2 together.... Because the mono is doing all she/hy can do to make the poly happy and stable or the poly doing the same for the mono to make sure they feel secure and most times the poly has a couple to deal with these same issues with.... I don't feel it can be given the 100% which most mono require which is why we are mono to give 100% of ourselves to another......

When a poly dates another poly..... There is more understanding because you are both in the same equal posistion to each other.... Where as if you are a mono in the poly/mono relationship and you feel the need to change your status to a poly as well it doesn't seem to go over very well or at least sometimes it doesn't......

I have nothing against someone being a poly or not I believe it's a personal choice as it's my choice to be a mono... Like any relationships it requires time and understanding and there is good and bad in all aspects of relationships.... In the end what really matters is if you enjoy being there then why not.... If you don't then get the hell out before the sheets burn

girl_dee · 07-06-2012, 05:31 AM

IMO and it is just MY opinion here there are many different aspects to the term *Poly*.

i feel it's in the wiring. Either you are wired for it or you are not. Many people are capable of loving multiple people and they are not always of a sexual nature. If you are mono, and you are with someone who is poly, i do not know how this could ever work.

i like the family aspect of the poly lifestyle, it's a stronger bond than most bio families. We go through trials and tribulations together, through it all there is always a family bond, unless you cross one of us at which time everything changes. Rules are established, boundaries set up and they must be respected. If one of us has a problem, they others rally together to help resolve it.

Some people are in it for the multiple sexual partner (what they perceive as) benefit, others just fall in love with more than one person and enjoy the companionship of each. There are so many dimensions to the poly lifestyle that each one of us may have a different perspective.

07-06-2012, 12:19 AM	#1
Princess Member How Do You Identify?: princess Preferred Pronoun?: She, her. Relationship Status: One singular sensation! Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Topeka, KS Posts: 1,341 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,082 Thanked 4,582 Times in 1,009 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I am dating a kinky poly transman... I am mono...and accepting of our situation. He is very right, with honesty and communication everything has been working quite well. I know right where he stands, and he I. There isnt a day that goes by that we don't talk about how we are feeling, and what's needed to make it work. I do think it depends on the people involved, but I think that is with any relationship or situation. Honesty is the best policy no matter what the situation or relationship...but with trust and communication..most anything can work. Poly OR Mono.

07-06-2012, 01:42 AM	#2
2qt Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her.. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Mothership Posts: 873 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 861 Thanked 1,966 Times in 582 Posts Rep Power: 15312203	No offence to the poly or mono people out there just my 2 cents worth so please don't hate for my post lol... Personally I don't believe it can work because of the between the 2....I have been in a poly/mono relationship before and given it was my 1st attempt it was also one that will remain as a reminder to me why I was hesitant in the 1st place to get involved... I was the mono and hy was the poly.... Initially I thought I could deal with things as long as we remained open and honest with each other, provided we did the whole communication thing everything would be sweet.... Alas as time progressed things began to change and other people involved begun to get noses out of place and it became a messy triangle of confusion, mistrust, anger, hurt between all who were involved.... Even though you are honest about who you are with or who you are attracted to or feel you want to explore things with, doesn't stop the realization of real feelings coming into the mix of things.... Being open and honest doesn't stop the mind or heart wondering if they are enjoying them more then you or the feeling of being inadequate to meet their needs as a whole and I found out in the end that's exactly what was felt.... I find whilst one persons needs are met there is always someone who is meeting just one side of the persons needs when you mix the 2 together.... Because the mono is doing all she/hy can do to make the poly happy and stable or the poly doing the same for the mono to make sure they feel secure and most times the poly has a couple to deal with these same issues with.... I don't feel it can be given the 100% which most mono require which is why we are mono to give 100% of ourselves to another...... When a poly dates another poly..... There is more understanding because you are both in the same equal posistion to each other.... Where as if you are a mono in the poly/mono relationship and you feel the need to change your status to a poly as well it doesn't seem to go over very well or at least sometimes it doesn't...... I have nothing against someone being a poly or not I believe it's a personal choice as it's my choice to be a mono... Like any relationships it requires time and understanding and there is good and bad in all aspects of relationships.... In the end what really matters is if you enjoy being there then why not.... If you don't then get the hell out before the sheets burn

07-06-2012, 05:31 AM	#3
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,830 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	IMO and it is just MY opinion here there are many different aspects to the term Poly. i feel it's in the wiring. Either you are wired for it or you are not. Many people are capable of loving multiple people and they are not always of a sexual nature. If you are mono, and you are with someone who is poly, i do not know how this could ever work. i like the family aspect of the poly lifestyle, it's a stronger bond than most bio families. We go through trials and tribulations together, through it all there is always a family bond, unless you cross one of us at which time everything changes. Rules are established, boundaries set up and they must be respected. If one of us has a problem, they others rally together to help resolve it. Some people are in it for the multiple sexual partner (what they perceive as) benefit, others just fall in love with more than one person and enjoy the companionship of each. There are so many dimensions to the poly lifestyle that each one of us may have a different perspective.