Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition

[Nadeest]

I've had friends(mtfs) that were in that boat.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

It has taken me almost four months to type the word transgender into the BFP search and find my way here. My very first post in the listening to you thread stated I was hiding even in a community where I did not think I needed to. You know though I felt I do need to hide from the lesbian community. Whether they are butch, femme, dyke, FTM, or any other label on the spectrum of homosexuality. Hell sometimes I still hide from myself out of fear of so many things. Well I made some major decisions today that I have been thinking about for a long time now. So, here I am fulfilling the need and respecting the decision to be truly honest with the BFP community but more so to go back to being honest with myself. I am not a butch on any spectrum have not been for many years now however, I am not a FTM either I have known that for almost as long. I am a transgendered man or as I am discovering the new word is gender queer. I hid here for the same reason I have hid in real life it is real lonely being a trans not fitting into either the butch/femme community or the FTM/MTF community.
I never "came out" of the closet because I was never in one in my mind after all I was not a "lesbian". I was just in the wrong body in my mind so it was perfectly natural for me to be attracted to girls and women when I was a kid. I was always a "tomboy" growing up. I just recalled my 10th Christmas when I received this little wallet that was supposed to go into a play purse and how I just took it and instinctively put it into my back pocket...boy the crap I caught for that lol...but that is just how natural it was for me back then. I hated my birth name it was just wrong. Yet I could not get and still cannot get my bio-family to call me anything but that curse of a name. I am Alix I have always been Alix in my heart, mind, body and soul.
My journey from butch to transgendered was a rough and rocky one. Mainly due to lack of support and information available. Anyway part of that journey included exploring whether I was really a FTM and I finally came to the decision I was not but only because I do not want the surgery. I do not feel I have to change my body to be the man I am. I do not see breast when I look at myself and IF the woman touches me in that area I limit it to the nipple area because hey I know bio men that enjoy that stimulation so I do not find it strange that as a man I do. I have had relationships with women that failed because I refused to be true to myself. However the successful ones I have has happened when I did present as a man. However I have only had that success with bisexual women or women that id as straight but don’t want bio men. I have not had the honor of meeting a woman that id as a femme that wanted to be with me as a gender queer but it could happen. I think that is why I return to the hiding mode so easily. The butch/femme community for me locally is pretty nonexistent never mind the danger of being transgendered here. The sad thing is I do not live in a small rural community either.
Well I am getting close to my number count max and not sure I really said what I wanted to say. So I will end with I am glad I found this thread because sometimes it is hard to be a transgendered man that does not want the surgery. Hi everyone I am a 45 year old transgendered man and it feels good to finally say that on this site.

[Nadeest]

It could certainly happen, Alix. I, for one, would have no problem going out with someone that is transgendered, but has no wish to change their body. I'm more concerned with the quality and type of person that they are,rather then the body that they have.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

Nadesst thank you for your encouragement. This world needs more people that think that way no matter what sexuality or gender they are in my opinion. Where it is the quality of the person that matters most. It is also my responsibility to do my best to get back to not caring what others think of me so that I am truer to myself. Don't get me wrong I have been lucky enough to meet a femme on this site that accepted my identity however it was one of those wrong place wrong time situations. Where we both agreed that we had met at the wrong time. Actually she is part of the reason I had the courage finally to come to this section of BFP. So I do know there are femmes out there whether they identify as lesbian or queer that love us and are open to being with us. I just need to move to a different location I think and I am actually taking steps to do that.

I also know that the women that love us go through their own struggles and pain. I thank every one of them for the courage that takes as well.

[Nadeest]

Alix, in some ways, I am in a similar position. I am a transgendered female that has basically transitioned, except for completing the remodeling of my body. I have not yet had SRS, and I may never be able to afford that, though I do plan on having it.

I fear that a lot of people are not willing to accept that about me, in a lover; men, as well as women. I am primarily concerned about the lesbian community, however, as I am primarily attracted to women.

For them, if I don't have a vagina, what use am I to them, sexually? For my part, if they cannot accept me, fully and completely, the way that I am now, why should I want them in my life after I have SRS?

[JustJo]

If I may tiptoe in...

I'm one of those late-blooming femmes that lived as straight until I was about 40. My time in this community is relatively short, and even in the last decade, my life has been more about getting an education, furthering my career and raising my son than it has been about relationships.

I have heard and seen ugliness towards transgendered people, both in and out of this community...and for me it is both disgusting and heartbreaking that anyone would feel so free to harshly judge someone simply because they are different. For me, transphobia is the absolute equivalent of racism...and just as fundamentally wrong.

When I first joined this site, I was confused (and questioned) why someone who identified and lived as male would want to be here. I believe it was Linus who posted something that resonated with me about this community being the equivalent of a home town that you love.....it may no longer be where you live exactly, but it's a part of your history and your heart that you treasure and cling to.

When I first started talking to Snack I was upfront with him that this was new to me...and that I had never been in a relationship with anyone who was trans. He understands this, thankfully, and has been both patient and generous with sharing his experiences, thoughts and feelings.

For me, he is a guy....my guy...and, in some ways, it's almost like a return to "straight" life as he is seen as male by most people. There are exceptions, but they are rare. Whether or not he medically transitions is immaterial to me. That is his very personal decision....and one I will suppport no matter which direction he chooses.

For me, physical anatomy is merely that....and whether someone has a vagina or not is about as important as how tall they are. It just doesn't matter. Who he is....his values, his character, his sense of humor, and how he lives his life....matters infinitely more.

If someone is shallow enough to judge based purely on the physical....I don't have time for them, no matter who they are or how they identify. I choose to live my life with those who have more depth than that.

[LoyalWolfsBlade]

I guess I have a question and did not know any better place to put but in this thread. Bear with Me please as I may not word it correctly or may ramble or stumble around it. For those that know Me yes even I can be a little gun shy or a loss for the right words sometimes. As I have stated earlier I am TG when I am most honest with Myself that is how I ID in this lovely society of labels. When I sit with Myself and think about what that means to Me it is almost like I am caught between two worlds, Butch and FTM, because I am neither yet closer to FTM due to My masculinity. I have no desire to transition or take T I feel every bit masculine and even a male at times. However I have no desire to date straight women been there done that no thank you my heart can not take it but that is Me. I have finally come to a point that I am ready to date and for the first time am I attempting to be more honest about My ID had no problem on the other site for some reason *shrug*.
I also do not have a lot of butch friends in real life because of being TG but that may be because of My location though I am close to Chicago and Madison so who knows.
I guess My question is since I am single and I do want a community did I make a mistake joining a butch-femme site? Feel free to respond here or send Me a pm if your uncomfortable doing so. Thank you in advance. ALix