Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

lusciouskiwi · 07-22-2012, 06:37 AM

I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently.

I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple.

I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that.

I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways.

And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night.

And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ...

alexri · 07-23-2012, 07:22 PM

I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through!

I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

Ginger · 07-26-2012, 01:06 PM

My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright.

I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out.

We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her.

That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other.

I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food.

Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

Leigh · 07-26-2012, 02:23 PM

I can't say that I've really been on many dates per say, but I have been on a few and I'm pretty confident in knowing what I like on dates (first or otherwise):

~ Manners are a good thing; please, thank you, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair (though the doors thing I like opening doors too)

~ Fun conversation, wherever we are whether its a coffee shop or restaurant I want things to flow as easily as they can

~ Getting to know one another; hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes

~ The willingness to really open our hearts and be ourselves

LipstickLola · 08-02-2012, 09:47 AM

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

07-22-2012, 06:37 AM	#1
lusciouskiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme lesbian feminist Preferred Pronoun?: Anything except for "aunty" Relationship Status: Happy with my butch. Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Aotearoa New Zealand Posts: 2,681 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 25,494 Thanked 9,095 Times in 1,899 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	A date? What's that? I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently. I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple. I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that. I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways. And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night. And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ... __________________ happiness is a form of courage. George Holbrook Jackson Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Katherine Mansfield Motivate yourself or be miserable. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

07-26-2012, 02:23 PM	#4
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,024 Times in 4,784 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I can't say that I've really been on many dates per say, but I have been on a few and I'm pretty confident in knowing what I like on dates (first or otherwise): ~ Manners are a good thing; please, thank you, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair (though the doors thing I like opening doors too) ~ Fun conversation, wherever we are whether its a coffee shop or restaurant I want things to flow as easily as they can ~ Getting to know one another; hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes ~ The willingness to really open our hearts and be ourselves __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

07-23-2012, 07:22 PM	#2
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through! I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

07-26-2012, 01:06 PM	#3
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,295 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright. I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out. We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her. That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other. I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food. Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

08-02-2012, 09:47 AM	#5
LipstickLola Member How Do You Identify?: Happy Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: planet Earth Posts: 682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,679 Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts Rep Power: 5678218	I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate...... Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh.... Lola