Lesbian Butches - Coming home to ourselves....

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

I guess I will continue the struggle until I find out who I really am wheather it be butch or just a really manly femme, Any advice on how to figure this one out?

Dear Charming Butch,

You're well on your way to figuring this one out, by talking about it, and asking yourself the questions that need to be asked—even though you're the only one who can answer them.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can share my experience.

I've learned to just trust my attraction. I go where it leads me. It's led me to transguys, butch lesbians, and when I was younger, it led me to bio-men. I don't question it or deny it.

I've been consistently attracted to butch lesbians for like 20 years now, and I adore them. But if I felt attracted to a transguy or a femme, I wouldn't deny it or feel shame, and to hell with anyone who didn't approve of my attraction.

So... relax my friend. I don't know who will attract you next, but you will know when you feel it. And it's a good feeling! Enjoy it.

Scout

[TimilDeeps]

I give kudos to what's already been said to you, CB. It really is a matter of who YOU think you are and ultimately want to be.

You can label yourself as gelatinous goo if you like, still, it's up to you to decide how that goo walks in the world. It is not the province of anyone else to define that for you. Ever. Although social mores love to crawl under our skin and make us question.

Be what you want, what you need, and desire . . . you'll attract the same–--someone who knows who they are and what they want.

And enjoy the journey, it's a fuckton of fun!

[Toughy]

<snip> but i still have that need of a woman,the need to be comforted sometimes.I guess I will continue the struggle until I find out who I really am wheather it be butch or just a really manly femme <snip>

I just picked this out as the crux of what I hear you saying....

The need to be comforted has absolutely nada, none, zip, nothing to do with your gender. The need to be comforted is a human need, not just a femme need or a woman need. It is absolutely also a butch need and a man need.

edited to add: In all the really long term relationships I know of................both individuals comforted the other when needed.........

[StrongButch]

CB just be proud of who you are and its okay if you cant define it. Its whats in your heart that counts.

[CharmingButch25]

Thank you very much strong you especially have been helping me these past few days

[arcstriker]

Charmingbutch, you got a lot of excellent advice and thoughts here.

I am going to give you a different spin here. I have worked in male dominated fields all my working life. It is in my experience that males whine a lot, and when they are ill they are the biggest baby's! Those are masculine traits.

With that being said your fine, its your ex who is mistaken here.

[LipstickLola]

Hey CB, one of the things I loved most about my XGF is that there were times she NEEDED me to comfort her, she was vulnerable in our quiet times. When she felt better? She'd usually build me something special to show her love, words were difficult but we had an understaning.....I miss her!!

You are wonderful just being you!
Lola

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I just picked this out as the crux of what I hear you saying....

The need to be comforted has absolutely nada, none, zip, nothing to do with your gender. The need to be comforted is a human need, not just a femme need or a woman need. It is absolutely also a butch need and a man need.

edited to add: In all the really long term relationships I know of................both individuals comforted the other when needed.........

Yes! And it's when we allow someone into our really vulnerable space do we find a real partner in life.