Changing last names

[stephfromMIT]

Originally Posted by Corkey

Yes she did. So we went to LegalZoom.com got the package, filled out all the forms, did the local paper, went to court and voila, then we went to Canada and got married legally.
Came back and filed all the paperwork with creditors, drivers license, W4...etc. It cost us more than a heterosexuals marriage would, but it is still worth it. I would seriously look up what hoops you have to jump through, and I would seriously recommend Legal Zoom for the paperwork, it all went smoothly.

We live in MA, so I'm 99% sure all we have to is indicate our "married name" on the marriage license.

[Leigh]

If I ever do get married, which I hope one day that I will, I would like to take my SO's last name

[laruss]

I still have my married name, which I only took so I would have the same name as my children it meant nothing to me. I was not property, it was just easier to have the same name.

My children are grown and are taking on new names. I have kept my last name because I would not go back to my maiden name. And quite frankly I like the energy of my name, it is who I am.

I changed my first name a few years ago so I know the importance of names. I know what it means to change your name and thus your identity.

I never thought I would change my last name again.

And then... something changed.

For the right person, a person I decided to share a family with, a life with; if their name was important to them I would change. I would gladly take their name and share a common bond within our family. It would be our commitment to each other, to our family, to our lives together.

Yes, I will gladly take your name.

[apretty]

I would love to change mine to Glass; George Glass.

[Lady Pamela]

I am a bit old fashioned I guess.
I truely think that to change my name when married, is not only a compliment and gift to who I marry.
But it is also an honor and a gift to myself from who I marry.


When that day comes that is...smiles


.

[Toughy]

hhmmmmmmm

Seems this question brings up a whole bunch of hetero-normative crap........

Femmes are the ones talking about taking the last name of their partner. Why is the assumption that femme should change/hyphenate her name and not butch/tg/trans/man/masculine of center/_____ changing/hyphenating their last name?

I will not change my last name under any circumstances. I also would highly object to anyone I marry taking my last name. The name change thing is about transfer of property and people are not property (or corporations....snort). I also would not hyphenate my last name, but I am unsure about her using a hyphen....probably not.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Toughy

hhmmmmmmm

Seems this question brings up a whole bunch of hetero-normative crap........

Femmes are the ones talking about taking the last name of their partner. Why is the assumption that femme should change/hyphenate her name and not butch/tg/trans/man/masculine of center/_____ changing/hyphenating their last name?

I will not change my last name under any circumstances. I also would highly object to anyone I marry taking my last name. The name change thing is about transfer of property and people are not property (or corporations....snort). I also would not hyphenate my last name, but I am unsure about her using a hyphen....probably not.

Very good points you made.
And I myself choose to do this but if my mate wanted, I would not be oposed to the opposite.
I do it for love reason not ownership.

I guess it is all in the intent and actions taken.
But I do understand your postion on this.

Also it would have to be with and for,
someone who I truely trusted and did not feel like an object to.


.

[PurpleQuestions84]

i think creating some kind of hybrid last name so you both could get new names would be cool

[Dance-with-me]

When I got legally married to my ex, I took his name hyphenated with mine so that I could have a name connection to our grandkids who we were raising. It really did make it a LOT easier -- people just don't question your connection when you have the same last name.

A few tips for those who are considering it:
-- if you get legally married in a state that allows legal marriage, you can get your name changed at Social Security even if your state does not honor that marriage
-- whether or not your name is changed with social security doesn't mean squat if your local laws do not recognize your marriage: Some local laws only require a ss name change to then get your driver's license and other stuff changed, others refuse to honor it. Interestingly, spouse and I were both able to get our drivers' licenses changed while our state still considered our marriage illegal, probably because we went separately and we both have names that could possibly be used for someone of the other gender (spouse's far less so, but considering that he has a spanish last name, they probably assumed that any country that might name their son Jesus might also name him _____). But other same sex couples were turned away.
-- IF you are turned away from getting your DL changed and are told that you need a court order, after you have your SS name changed, fight it up through the state government. Several couples were able to get the state to PAY for the costs of getting their court-ordered name change.
-- Do NOT assume that you know the rules for a name change based on old information or the info from another state: Every state has different laws and procedures.

Fortunately, when my state finally started recognizing out of state marriages as civil unions, they also made it so that we can use the local courts to get legally divorced, and made it so that name changes can be requested with a marriage OR divorce... Since I won't be allowed to maintain any legal relationship with the kids (other than grandma with zero legal rights), I'm taking my own name back.

[Dance-with-me]

Just to clarify: If you get legally married in a state that allows it, you can go to your LOCAL social security office, in your own state, even if your state prohibits same-sex marriage.

[Greyson]

I have changed my first and middle names in my lifetime. The first name change came about the age of 14. I was named after my mom and I was so not that. The name I began to use in junior high was not a feminine sounding name. I remember my grandmother said to me, "You could at least spell it with an "e" at the end of your name to make it more feminine. That name stuck.

Upon my transition I changed my middle name which was the same as my chosen first name. That is when I took Greyson. I still have my legal junior high first name.

As for my surname, I would never change it. I am a chicano. Half and half really. Sometimes it feels like this is my only connection left to my Latino heritage and I will never let go of it.

[sofimichi]

I have a super long Hispanic last name, and my fiance has a short name.
I think I will change my name to hers. Mrs. ___ ___ sounds good to me.
Oh my god. I am so excited!!!

[Ginger]

The kind of person I would fall in love with wouldn't want me to change my name to hers.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

The kind of person I would fall in love with wouldn't want me to change my name to hers.

Ok, so because I like the idea of TF changing her name to mine I am what? A misogynist? Is it like an automatic thing or do my other characteristics and character traits come into account when determining this?

Just wondering.

:smh:

ETA: Am I less of a misogynist if it actually tickles her fancy more than it does mine? Is she is misogynist? Or are we just bad feminists? So many questions....

[Soon]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Ok, so because I like the idea of TF changing her name to mine I am what? A misogynist? Is it like an automatic thing or do my other characteristics and character traits come into account when determining this?

Just wondering.

:smh:

ETA: Am I less of a misogynist if it actually tickles her fancy more than it does mine? Is she is misogynist? Or are we just bad feminists? So many questions....

Isn't Island Scout speaking for herself and what she finds desirable in a partner when it comes to this issue? I don't see anyone calling you or TF a misogynist or a bad feminist. She was expressing a personal preference.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

The kind of person I would fall in love with wouldn't want me to change my name to hers.

The same goes for me.

Dapper, although I personally find it maddening that ALL the people who have volounteered to change their name to match their partner's in this thread are femmes, and ALL the people who have noted a preference for their partner to change her name to their own are butch or trans, which not coincidentally matches a heteronormative custom of men taking ownership of the women who marry them, even I haven't said "misogyny" yet. You did. Hmmm.

Everyone is free to change their name however they want. I may not understand it, but it's their name and their choice. Several people have discussed blending names, but so far NOT ONE butch or trans person has volounteered to take the name of the femme they marry. I'm getting a little cranky about that.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

The kind of person I would fall in love with wouldn't want me to change my name to hers.

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

The same goes for me.

Why is that? Why wouldn't you fall in love with a person who would want that? Who/what is that "kind of person"?

[imperfect_cupcake]

my ex wife offered to take mine instead of me taking hers. which was nice because of the automatic assumption that a femme will drop her own family history cause she's feminine. and that's what you do, right? you accommodate cause one is feminine. its traditional.
I said no. her family line is as important to her as mine is to me. we were going to hyphenate, my name first, it sounded better that way.

I'm really, really glad we didn't. we didn't have the money at the time. still expensive as hell even when legal.

changing my name back would have added extra insult to the whole process of divorce.

I won't be taking anyone's name. marriage is about love for me. my dad and his wife never changed names. my mom and her husband didn't. my cousins didn't. the few heterosexual marriages I know (my heterosexual mates don't believe in marriage, mostly) did not take the husband's name. they just didn't think it was part of a loving relationship to give up their family identity.

I'm sure plenty of people want to but until I see the norm of men taking women's names and thus the equal of butches taking femmes names, I don't think its very attractive. it's one item of heterosexism I don't buy into. mostly I'm with people who are just who they are and that just so happens to be butch. there is no inherent heterosexism in that. but the whole femme takes butch name? yeah. not comfortable with that. to me personally, that *does* feel like doing it cause the hets do it (aka that's what you do when you get married).

[MsTinkerbelly]

I was very proud to take Kasey's name, even if it wasn't originally hers; it wasn't expected or demanded, it was offered with love and the deep committment of "us".

There is absolutely nothng wrong with taking someone else's name, and i damn sure didn't disappear because of it.

To each his/her own.

[~baby~doll~]

When O/our state has marriage equity i will take Her name or use a hyphen. i would leave it to Her which one i will do.