Do you feel a responsibility to mentor younger LGBT?

stephfromMIT · 08-19-2012, 07:18 PM

Kobi-I'm doing a Physics Ph.D, so I assume I'll mostly be proctoring labs for undergrads.

Tcountry · 08-19-2012, 08:28 PM

I am not sure u would call it mentoring as much as it is just being a presence as well as bring present.
Some of us don't have the ability to be out at work...without the fear of being fired from that job ...so freely answering "what did u do this weekend?" Might not be a considered option.
But...that being said...since it is not currently a fear(of mine).
I think that being a presence, especially in a small Midwestern town is warranted. To at least show that it IS ok & u are not alone...

Just my 2 cents tho
*tip hat*

jac · 08-20-2012, 05:10 AM

Absolutely! One of my biggest mantras is "Live by example."

When I was at the university and moving along through my degree, many of the courses I was taking opened the mind to this vary thing on many levels. Me being a non-traditional student and sitting side-by-side with kids my own children's age, I felt and do feel compelled to share my life, my struggles and my growth as a member of the community. I tend to be a story-teller and I was usually able to capture the attention of several in the course. Sometimes they would stop me in the hall or pass me later in the day and want to talk. I was a neutral, none-judgemental adult that they could use as a sounding board.

The further along I got with my coursework the more I knew I was doing the right thing since my goal was and still is to run an adolescent homeless shelter for the community someday. I did my internship at our local adolescent homeless shelter and actually got the position because I told the director from the beginning my intenetions. I was hired on after graduation and I am me, living and breathing and succeeding as a member of the community and as a professional.

Mentoring is needed... and I do believe it's my responsability... as a stone, a butch, a lesbian, a woman, a mother and anything else some young struggling someone is needing at the time to; hear them, see them and acknowledge them. That is, however, what I always wanted as a youth....

girl_dee · 08-20-2012, 06:28 AM

Things have changed over the years. When i was in high school my PE teacher was no doubt a gay woman, we connected, and i wanted SO badly to talk to her. But i couldn't, she couldn't and all the girls were freaked out that our teacher was going to *look* at them.

One of my clients is the clone of my old PE teacher. She tells me how kids come to her left and right about being gay, and that she takes her partner on trips with the kids and parents.

lots happened in 25 years.

When i was in Oregon there was a young gay gal who was a lost puppy. Us old dykes sorta took her under our gay wings and by just showing her that we are NORMAL, gay couples operate like the straight ones! We have the same joys and woes as everyone else. She was out on the mountain but in the closet back home, and by having that experience she gained a great deal. She is still on my FB and we check in regularly. i think she is now out to her family and embracing her identity rather than hiding it feeling shameful.

Sometimes you mentor people by just being an example.

Kobi · 08-20-2012, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Kobi-I'm doing a Physics Ph.D, so I assume I'll mostly be proctoring labs for undergrads.

Way cool. Physics fascinates me.

TWolf · 08-20-2012, 07:58 AM

I'm very fortunate in that my company makes diversity a priority, even providing spousal rights to domestic partners. The support I find there was a large part of my decision to transfer to our new facility in Mississippi.

Several months ago in talking to a new co-worker, I was asked if the picture on my desk were my family. Of course I proudly pointed out my son, my girlfriend, and her son in the photos. I was genuinely surprised when she then asked quietly.... "So.... is it really... OK?"

Through a series of conversations I came to realize that she and her girlfriend were incredulous when they read that portion of the company policy, to the point that she called with the classic "hypothetical" questions to the amusement of the HR rep. Their experiences had led them to feel that this must be some kind of mis-print or a policy that surely was just given lip service and not adhered to.

To me this just reinforced how important it is for me to have the right to be out in my life.. without fear... and to be visible to others striving to find their way.

boobookitty · 08-20-2012, 10:49 AM

YES I DO!

I do some counceling, help with online suport groups, and some lecturing.
I try to represent recovery, from abuse and trauma, in a positive way.
I am honest open and upfront with every aspect of my life.

The good the bad te ugly and the really really scary.... we can recover and learn to be who we really are, and feel happy in our everyday lives.
It takes work and time... but to have peace inside is so very very worth it!

stephfromMIT · 08-20-2012, 02:28 PM

June-I absolutely agree we can ALL benefit from mentoring. Whomever is my advisor, they will be straight, so I'll be missing out on the mentoring of an "out" proffessor in my field. I will benefit from their mentoring on a academic, scinetific level, but IMO I'll miss out on the mentoring as a person.

Girl_On_Fire · 10-23-2012, 06:58 PM

I feel very strongly about this thread topic so I'd like to add my two cents: I spent two and a half years down South and in an area where GLBT youth were incredibly closeted and terrified to tell their parents about who they really were, mostly for what they said were religious reasons.

I worked in a grocery store with some of these young kids and several of them came out to me. I was moved to tears by a particular young gay man who told me he would probably just get married to a woman and live a lie. He broke my heart. I gave him the biggest hug. He really looked up to me and cried when I left abruptly to move back up North. I felt responsible for him. I did my best to encourage him to be himself.

No matter where you live; more conservative parts of the South, more liberal parts of the North or anywhere in between or beyond, I believe the 30 and over crowd is in part responsible for GLBT youth. I offer as much encouragement as I can because so many young GLBT people commit suicide every day.

And I want to make a side note here in case I offend any Southerners: I'm not saying that all Southerners are homophobic at all. My then-partner and I just happened to live in a particularly non-accepting area. Not making judgement at all against any one group of people. (I'm not that kind of "Yankee"

.)

Dance-with-me · 10-23-2012, 07:30 PM

Wonderful thread! I am on faculty at a rural community college in an overall very conservative county. As far as I know I was the first out employee (talking openly about my then-spouse, applying for the few domestic partnership benefits that we actually did have) but we only last month were able to finally start a GSA -- for years when I tried to start one, I was told that only a student could start a club, but the climate in this area was just so oppressive that no student was willing to go forward and do so. Finally a coworker who is president of the local PFLAG group fought hard and won the right for us to start the GSA.

So I'm now one of the faculty advisors for the GSA, and it's just amazing to me to watch the students come forward with this look of freedom that they just haven't had before. It gave me the courage to take it a step further and put a LGBT Safe Space sign on my office door, plus an HRC sticker on my office window. As a femme, I don't have the ability to be out to my students just from my appearance and demeanor; if I want them to recognize that I am one of them -- and from that allow them to see that they can live a life that is honest and open even as a gay person -- I have to be more deliberate about it. Fortunately my new boss is a very strong supporter of the LGBT community.

So I really don't know if what I'm doing could be considered mentoring in the sense that I normally mean it. I'm not directly taking anyone under my wing, though if an LGBT student came to me and asked me for advice and assistance I would certainly not turn them away - though it would have to be to some degree with in the boundaries of what we are supposed to do in general in terms of trying to help our students directly with any kind of personal problem.

Oh and YAY for science/physics geeks! I'm a computer geek with roots in engineering, and would have loved to have gone to MIT! In fact, my very first butch lover was an MIT student...

08-19-2012, 08:28 PM	#2
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am not sure u would call it mentoring as much as it is just being a presence as well as bring present. Some of us don't have the ability to be out at work...without the fear of being fired from that job ...so freely answering "what did u do this weekend?" Might not be a considered option. But...that being said...since it is not currently a fear(of mine). I think that being a presence, especially in a small Midwestern town is warranted. To at least show that it IS ok & u are not alone... Just my 2 cents tho tip hat __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

08-20-2012, 07:58 AM	#6
TWolf Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Totally taken Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: MS Posts: 74 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 81 Times in 37 Posts Rep Power: 854039	I'm very fortunate in that my company makes diversity a priority, even providing spousal rights to domestic partners. The support I find there was a large part of my decision to transfer to our new facility in Mississippi. Several months ago in talking to a new co-worker, I was asked if the picture on my desk were my family. Of course I proudly pointed out my son, my girlfriend, and her son in the photos. I was genuinely surprised when she then asked quietly.... "So.... is it really... OK?" Through a series of conversations I came to realize that she and her girlfriend were incredulous when they read that portion of the company policy, to the point that she called with the classic "hypothetical" questions to the amusement of the HR rep. Their experiences had led them to feel that this must be some kind of mis-print or a policy that surely was just given lip service and not adhered to. To me this just reinforced how important it is for me to have the right to be out in my life.. without fear... and to be visible to others striving to find their way. __________________ "Honey, in my book your name is spelled... O... M... G...!!" ~ Wolfsgirl

08-20-2012, 10:49 AM	#7
boobookitty Member How Do You Identify?: I like the tag Lipstick Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: not picky, but male pronouns are soothing to the psyche Relationship Status: not looking for more than friends Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: central USA Posts: 119 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 70 Thanked 215 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 1451775	YES I DO! I do some counceling, help with online suport groups, and some lecturing. I try to represent recovery, from abuse and trauma, in a positive way. I am honest open and upfront with every aspect of my life. The good the bad te ugly and the really really scary.... we can recover and learn to be who we really are, and feel happy in our everyday lives. It takes work and time... but to have peace inside is so very very worth it! __________________ [I]LOL...yeah, I'm a cisgender heterosexual male crossdresser trapped in a womans body. [/I]:sunglass:

10-23-2012, 06:58 PM	#9
Girl_On_Fire Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her Relationship Status: On Hiatus Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Connecticut Posts: 690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,020 Thanked 2,684 Times in 562 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Good thread topic I feel very strongly about this thread topic so I'd like to add my two cents: I spent two and a half years down South and in an area where GLBT youth were incredibly closeted and terrified to tell their parents about who they really were, mostly for what they said were religious reasons. I worked in a grocery store with some of these young kids and several of them came out to me. I was moved to tears by a particular young gay man who told me he would probably just get married to a woman and live a lie. He broke my heart. I gave him the biggest hug. He really looked up to me and cried when I left abruptly to move back up North. I felt responsible for him. I did my best to encourage him to be himself. No matter where you live; more conservative parts of the South, more liberal parts of the North or anywhere in between or beyond, I believe the 30 and over crowd is in part responsible for GLBT youth. I offer as much encouragement as I can because so many young GLBT people commit suicide every day. And I want to make a side note here in case I offend any Southerners: I'm not saying that all Southerners are homophobic at all. My then-partner and I just happened to live in a particularly non-accepting area. Not making judgement at all against any one group of people. (I'm not that kind of "Yankee" .) __________________ "Quit trying to reason with unreasonable people. It's like trying to have a meaningful conversation with an end table." ~ Girl_On_Fire

08-19-2012, 07:18 PM	#1
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Kobi-I'm doing a Physics Ph.D, so I assume I'll mostly be proctoring labs for undergrads.

08-20-2012, 05:10 AM	#3
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Absolutely! One of my biggest mantras is "Live by example." When I was at the university and moving along through my degree, many of the courses I was taking opened the mind to this vary thing on many levels. Me being a non-traditional student and sitting side-by-side with kids my own children's age, I felt and do feel compelled to share my life, my struggles and my growth as a member of the community. I tend to be a story-teller and I was usually able to capture the attention of several in the course. Sometimes they would stop me in the hall or pass me later in the day and want to talk. I was a neutral, none-judgemental adult that they could use as a sounding board. The further along I got with my coursework the more I knew I was doing the right thing since my goal was and still is to run an adolescent homeless shelter for the community someday. I did my internship at our local adolescent homeless shelter and actually got the position because I told the director from the beginning my intenetions. I was hired on after graduation and I am me, living and breathing and succeeding as a member of the community and as a professional. Mentoring is needed... and I do believe it's my responsability... as a stone, a butch, a lesbian, a woman, a mother and anything else some young struggling someone is needing at the time to; hear them, see them and acknowledge them. That is, however, what I always wanted as a youth....

08-20-2012, 06:28 AM	#4
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Things have changed over the years. When i was in high school my PE teacher was no doubt a gay woman, we connected, and i wanted SO badly to talk to her. But i couldn't, she couldn't and all the girls were freaked out that our teacher was going to look at them. One of my clients is the clone of my old PE teacher. She tells me how kids come to her left and right about being gay, and that she takes her partner on trips with the kids and parents. lots happened in 25 years. When i was in Oregon there was a young gay gal who was a lost puppy. Us old dykes sorta took her under our gay wings and by just showing her that we are NORMAL, gay couples operate like the straight ones! We have the same joys and woes as everyone else. She was out on the mountain but in the closet back home, and by having that experience she gained a great deal. She is still on my FB and we check in regularly. i think she is now out to her family and embracing her identity rather than hiding it feeling shameful. Sometimes you mentor people by just being an example.

08-20-2012, 02:28 PM	#8
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	June-I absolutely agree we can ALL benefit from mentoring. Whomever is my advisor, they will be straight, so I'll be missing out on the mentoring of an "out" proffessor in my field. I will benefit from their mentoring on a academic, scinetific level, but IMO I'll miss out on the mentoring as a person.

10-23-2012, 07:30 PM	#10
Dance-with-me Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: earth Posts: 419 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 1,926 Times in 378 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Wonderful thread! I am on faculty at a rural community college in an overall very conservative county. As far as I know I was the first out employee (talking openly about my then-spouse, applying for the few domestic partnership benefits that we actually did have) but we only last month were able to finally start a GSA -- for years when I tried to start one, I was told that only a student could start a club, but the climate in this area was just so oppressive that no student was willing to go forward and do so. Finally a coworker who is president of the local PFLAG group fought hard and won the right for us to start the GSA. So I'm now one of the faculty advisors for the GSA, and it's just amazing to me to watch the students come forward with this look of freedom that they just haven't had before. It gave me the courage to take it a step further and put a LGBT Safe Space sign on my office door, plus an HRC sticker on my office window. As a femme, I don't have the ability to be out to my students just from my appearance and demeanor; if I want them to recognize that I am one of them -- and from that allow them to see that they can live a life that is honest and open even as a gay person -- I have to be more deliberate about it. Fortunately my new boss is a very strong supporter of the LGBT community. So I really don't know if what I'm doing could be considered mentoring in the sense that I normally mean it. I'm not directly taking anyone under my wing, though if an LGBT student came to me and asked me for advice and assistance I would certainly not turn them away - though it would have to be to some degree with in the boundaries of what we are supposed to do in general in terms of trying to help our students directly with any kind of personal problem. Oh and YAY for science/physics geeks! I'm a computer geek with roots in engineering, and would have loved to have gone to MIT! In fact, my very first butch lover was an MIT student...