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08-20-2012, 11:33 AM
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#1 |
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Infamous Member
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femme Preferred Pronoun?:
femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009
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Well, let's see.
I sure did think i was a freak, being girly and being gay. Never saw a femme or rather, didn't know you could be femme and be gay. All the gay peeps i had ever seen were butch. THEN i came online. THEN i found the dash site. What a wonderful thing to find out you are.... not alone not a freak some gay people were actually attracted to femmes. Oh and yeah, found out i had an ID...femme. How truly wonderful it is to be a part of so many beautiful and strong women. Just ...lovely. 
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08-20-2012, 11:42 AM
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#2 |
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Timed Out - TOS Drama
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I was in a meeting a few weeks ago (wait, what month is it again??
 ) and somehow it came up that I am gay. No biggy, but after the meeting an older male co-worker came up to me with a very startled look on his face and started going on and on about how he had no idea I was gay...I looked like a librarian, I looked so wholesome, if he had to pick a gay woman out of a line-up he would never think it was me, blah,blah,blah. I let him finish and managed to keep a polite look on my face (I think) and when he was done I said, "Well, now you know the horrible truth!"...and walked away. I think he was attempting to give me a backhanded compliment, but dude!!!! .gif "Say What?")
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08-20-2012, 11:43 AM
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#3 | |
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Timed Out - TOS Drama
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08-20-2012, 12:31 PM
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#4 |
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Member
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Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She - but read me however! Relationship Status:
Blissfull! 
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Hello Folks -
I was at the Femme Conference this weekend in Baltimore - It made me miss the Planet MADLY! Can't wait for reunion. That is all (for now) xoxox ADG
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 [ Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you...it means that you do not treat your body as a commodity with which to purchase superficial intimacy or economic security; for our bodies to be treated as objects, our minds are in mortal danger. It means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre: "I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give. Responsibility to yourself means that you don't fall for shallow and easy solutions--predigested books and ideas...marrying early as an escape from real decisions, getting pregnant as an evasion of already existing problems. It means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short...and this, in turn, means resisting the forces in society which say that women should be nice, play safe, have low professional expectations, drown in love and forget about work, live through others, and stay in the places assigned to us. It means that we insist on a life of meaningful work, insist that work be as meaningful as love and friendship in our lives. It means, therefore, the courage to be "different"...The difference between a life lived actively, and a life of passive drifting and dispersal of energies, is an immense difference. Once we begin to feel committed to our lives, responsible to ourselves, we can never again be satisfied with the old, passive way." Adrienne Rich |
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08-20-2012, 01:37 PM
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#5 |
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Member
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femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
single 
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Thank you Medusa for starting this thread and thank you Novelafemme for the great link. Love the image of a busty bevy of curvy femmes laughing, singing and tearing apart a pinata.
I came out in a gentle, accepting Nor Cali town that had 4 womyn's lands and a history of Back to the Land communities that started out with hippie hetero couples and women who then discovered they loved each other more than they loved their husbands. But no femmes. My first GF was my one and only butch I've been with and I still ache for the sweet and tender way she looked at me and treated me. I am femme mostly because I love butch women so much, I love how they make me feel in body and soul. I spent many years with men (by choice, I wanted black kids who knew and loved their father and being with men was the best way I could accomplish this) but when I saw a butch EMT lope towards me at work one day, the sight of her broke me of my habit of men. Why have serve a man hamburger when you can eat caviar off the bicep of a butch? When I was single again, many men came forward to court me (I'm sure y'all know what I'm talking about). They were surprised when I said I was a lesbian, had been for years and that I was with men by choice. No man has said anything as narrow-minded as what the elder gentleman said to Novelafemme but they are puzzled. At one point I subscribed to the belief that wanting a butch woman and wanting a strapping butch woman was really wanting a man. But for me, men are a poor substitute for butch women. There's an emotional quality in butch women that I crave that men don't have. There is a huge difference between wanting a butch woman or even butch male ID person and wanting a bio-male. It's not about physical structures as much as it is about biology and energy. The men who had come forward hoping to date me listened to my story and asked if it was because my ex broke my heart, or because I really didn't like men. I told them all the story of the butch EMT who broke me of my habit of men in full detail and they would often see the delight and change in my mannerisms and go 'Aha! She really, really likes butch women! I know she likes me as a friend but...she's lighting up at the thought of a woman's muscled arm, the golden hairs on her muscled arms and the twinkling of forearm muscles. I can't compete with that. She likes me as a friend but loves butch women'. They would 'get' what I meant. I wasn't rejecting the men by loving women. Usually once we get past that point, they realize it was never about men or how an individual male treated me. It was more about embracing the full beauty of a person and loving the beauty of butch women. |
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08-20-2012, 07:14 PM
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#6 |
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Senior Member
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I am not hyper feminine (nor differently femmed). Just femme. I never was androgynous or alternative. Certainly not butch.
I ID'd as femme because I wanted to fuck and be fucked by butches and wanted to feel like a woman (not a gay boy) while I was getting it. That's honestly how it started. Then it grew to be part of me. It made sense. It acknowledged the natural connection I felt with my mom and other women while allowing me to be the queer that I am. (I am so oblivious to guys that I have been accused of being a 6 on the Kinsey scale.) It made sense for me. I also fuck femmes. I like femmes sexually. That is unusual in butch-femme. I do not fuck femmes who try to bring out the boy in me. If I don't feel like a woman in bed, it ain't gonna happen twice. I like Femme Tops and hungry girl bottoms. Right now, I'd say my preference is for femmes, but that stuff shifts around. I try not to talk about femme in terms of how I dress or do my hair although it's almost impossible to avoid. But I am femme. I feel my grace, and to a special few, I have communicated it. |
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08-20-2012, 07:30 PM
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#7 |
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Member
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Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her.. Relationship Status:
Single 
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Great topic..
For me it when I first began to date women, I never really understood what I was attracted to I just knew I was attracted to women.... My 1st date and relationship was with a femme woman it wasn't a very lasting relationship because something inside me felt odd, strange, a sense of it not fitting.... I shrugged it off as just 2 people with 2 different goals in life and left it at that... A little along the track I met another woman I connected with who happened to be femme again and again the same road led to a short term relationship of confusion, it was at this point that I began to question myself and my sexuality all over again, it was like I put myself back into a closet and I was feeling suffocated.... I remember thinking perhaps my parents are right, this was just a phase in my life and I would meet a man and fall in love and so it was, I met a man I had the wedding the white picket fence and soon a beautiful baby girl but something was still missing and my marriage failed.... After this I took some much needed self discovery into who I was, what I liked, what attracted me....A friend of mine came over who asked me to join her at a butch/femme dance curious at what it all meant I decided to give it a try... Which is where I met an amazing woman whom just so happened to be a butch woman... For the first time every started to fit, all those pieces that was missing was found in one person, when she brought me flowers I never had the feeling of it being wrong, when she held me in her arms it never felt confusing it just felt like home... So that's when I began to accept and understand that my identity was a femme woman, and I was very much attracted to butch women... Naturally having this idea has sparked much fuel in my life with my friends and others believing that labels are fake or a waste of time in fact I even had one go as far to tell me I was racist to my own kind lol but in the end.... I do identify to a label because it's not about being a label it's about being comfortable with who I am inside, it's about knowing what I can feel for another without force being involved, loving another femme woman for me felt forced, it felt empty and had no meaning for me.... I love the dynamics of a butch/femme relationship....I love my shopping, I love my shoes, I love my dresses, I love who I am as a person (Yes crazy emotions and all) and I need the opposite to balance me and make me whole.... |
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08-20-2012, 07:36 PM
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#8 | |
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08-20-2012, 07:54 PM
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#9 |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms. Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles 
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Gender
I identified as dyke till right around 2001, I'm not overly girly not even as a wee lil lass I honestly was androgynous till about the age of 16 then my mother began her weird Latina Catholic cultural binary enforcement of heels and all things fluffy, frilly and uncomfortable to wear the only thing I liked was make up and having a skin regimen. I was often more comfortable amongst more masculine folk and just did my thing. I never truly embraced Femme until right around the age of 30 and after stumbling onto the dash site I learned that my gender presentation is Femme and I soaked in, participated and grew to know Femmes who were like myself.
I t was very emotional for me personally because I wasn't sure where I fit in the gender spectrum and because I often allowed my masculinity to be shamed I allowed the confusion to almost second guess my growing into my gender. I feel very blessed to have attended outings, conferences, partake in convos both in real time and online that helped me embrace Femme. It's was a great relief that my gender had nothing to do with heteronormative expectations, clothing, hair, nails, who I date and so on. I'm not fully grown into my gender I'm still on my journey and I don't think that it'll stop until I'm no longer here.
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden   |
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08-22-2012, 08:24 AM
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#10 | |
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Senior Member
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Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat 
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Someone should have sent me to charm school!
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08-22-2012, 08:54 AM
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#11 |
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Senior Member
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a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?:
Guess... Relationship Status:
Seat taken 
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I only have an issue when I am in the general lesbian community. Then I am questioned or looked at weird or am misunderstood. I am not involved in the butch femme community in San Diego here very much at all because have not really found the pocket of folks yet. Instead, we hang out with people in the general lesbian population who are great, but it's nice to have that time with my femme sisters who I can really relate with. I keep saying I am going to try to find the BF people by organizing events, and then I get busy, hopefully soon!!
I work with many lesbians in my profession, but no femmes. They are all nice and everything but I am always the outsider. They don't understand me and my relationship with Lisa (Justin). They don't understand why I am attracted to butches and why I don't like pretty girls. We go round and round, but it's all good. There is a new office romance between two girlie girls and it's all the rage. They are always running off in the lunch room together, taking breaks together, scheduling shifts together. They boggle mind just as much as I boggle theirs! I always think... Who opens the door for who? Who pays for dinner? Who is the top? Who holds who's hand? Hahahha. I will ask them soon... Time for me to do the grilling!!!!!!! Tables are turning!!! :-D
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"It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale  Starry
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08-31-2012, 01:02 PM
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#12 | |
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Senior Member
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Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009
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You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else.
~ Daniel Franzese |
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09-03-2012, 05:04 PM
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#13 | |
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Senior Member
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Mrs. Grumpy Cat
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LMAO this cracked me up because I went through a (very short) phase where I tried to "butch it up" to stop being invisible. I felt (and looked) pretty stupid with my slicked back hair and button up shirt... ROFL I'd almost forgotten about that summer! Going to dig through old pics and see if I can find any of my ridiculousness!
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09-03-2012, 05:12 PM
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#14 |
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Member
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dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?:
feminine ones Relationship Status:
single, dammit.
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I had a brief moment where I tried being butch - wearing Queer Nation t-shirts, cut off denim shorts, and Doc Martens - but even then, I wore lots of makeup and had very girly mannerisms. It just wasn't meant to be.
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09-03-2012, 05:25 PM
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#15 |
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Infamous Member
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femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009
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I remember my first girlfriend and i still didn't know about femmes. I remember apologizing to her about being girly. I told her if she would help me try and be more butch i would try. Thinking i was a disappointment to her.
She laughed and told me i was just perfect the way i was. I was so naive. She went on to tell me there are gay women like me, i wasn't by myself. I felt relieved, not sure i believed her though lol. Had no clue about the butch/femme dynamic. Femme is how i was born and i am so glad i never had to change. I am so thankful there are others like me. Belonging somewhere feels beautiful!!!
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people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou |
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09-03-2012, 05:48 PM
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#16 | |
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Hybrid Mode
